Weekend Update

Friday, Melissa had some friends over and we sat around and talked for a little while, but then they left to attend a concert. Melissa and I were trying to come up with something to do, but both of us were fairly exhausted. We didn't want to be lame by going to bed at 9:00 p.m. on a Friday night, so we read from A Compendium of Kisses. Really, Melissa was sleeping and I was cracking up over my inability to read out loud. Butchering words led to more laughter, which led to Melissa waking up long enough to see tears running down my face and her gasping and me wheezing... and finally we decided that we had enough and it was time for bed.

Saturday I woke up for a RS breakfast. We had French toast, which I sort of have a weakness for. And then I didn't do much until I headed up to South Jordan to meet up with Lauren. We went to an improv comedy show. I like improv, and I respect people who are able to be funny on the spot. That's not an easy thing to do. Provo has Comedy Sports, which is big on BYU/LDS culture and has a very defined theme and set up. It has its own venue. Push My Button is not as organized. They perform in a small coffee shop. They rely a little too much on audience participation, which led to some pretty strange and too elaborate prompts. There were some really funny parts, but for the most part, it wasn't that entertaining. They roped me in to "playing a game for prizes", and I won the Halloween trivia (answering 5 out of the 6 questions quicker than my opponent). Only... they gave the runner up a gift card to Applebees, and the winner got two free tickets to their next show.

...Ok.

Anybody want two free tickets to see Push My Button next month? Let me know.

Utah roads are an absolute mess right now. And on my way home from South Jordan, I had to navigate my way through all the detours and orange barrels. It was confusing and frustrating. They had closed the on-ramp to I-15, so I had to go up and around on a road that wasn't clearly marked as the detour, and I was only guessing where I needed to turn. Luckily, I guessed correctly. When I made it to Utah County, they had closed down the highway to one lane, and all I saw was red brake lights, so I decided to get off at American Fork and go down State Street. Unfortunately, I think I picked the worst exit to get off. There were two detours to take you to 500 East and back to the freeway. Then, because of the Haunted Forest, there were hundreds of cars wherever there weren't orange barrels. I got temporarily lost, guessed my way to State Street, and headed home... of course, that took a bit of time because State Street is down to one lane as well. Sigh.

Sunday we had stake conference. Both Melissa and I dragged ourselves there. The first meeting was fairly unremarkable, except, one of the speakers (the wife of one of the high councilmen that serve in our stake, approximately 45-years old) decided to talk to just the girls; she said that she was sad that the guys seem to get ripped in to every general conference, and that they were all great and wonderful and stuff like that. The girls needed a little constructive criticism; according to her, we need to "be less picky and more submissive". She didn't explain enough to know if that is what she actually meant -- if she actually wanted us to go back 200 years before women had rights and were imprisoned in insane asylums for speaking against their husband's ideals (I'm reading a book on one such case right now) or if she just wanted us to.... what? I don't know.

The usher didn't have a hunchback, or a droopy eyelid.

 

 

 

 

The second session was better in way of speakers, but worse in the fact that there were a whole lot more distractions. The first meeting met in an auditorium. The second in a double chapel with hard folding chairs and an overheated gym. There was an usher who reminded me of Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame...he had really crazy, buggy eyes. And he just walked up and down the gym floor, hunting anyone down who wasn't in a seat and making sure we were packed in there like sardines. We had sad next to a bigger guy from our ward, and spaced the chairs perfectly, and along comes Quasi, and he makes us move down, making everyone uncomfortable and then continued to patrol the area so that we were afraid to move again. We did, though, during the intermediate hymn, finding our original places much more comfortable. He was so distracting, though. And every time he walked by, we wanted to punch him.

The speakers were better this time around. I really do like our stake presidency. They are good men. One of them is actually my mom's old seminary teacher from high school! Crazy, right? He's my favorite. And our stake president is Canadian, and really funny. He stands up and tells us how grateful he is to have his "first wife" in the audience. Then, he had to clarify that she is his only wife. He told us about this weird, old many that used to live in his ward boundaries that they used to make fun of. "We all have trials," he said, "some of us are heavy and weird and that's our trial." He then went on to say that this man moved to be close to the temple in Cardston, Canada, and did some 200,000 ordinances before he died in his early 80s. President Hatch talked about how this man, who didn't have a lot of friends and family on his earthly life, was probably heralded in to heaven by the 200,000 souls he did temple work for. The amount of awe and respect in President Hatch's voice was enough to know that he regretted having made fun of this strange individual, who obviously amounted to much more.

President Hatch also talked about the people that go in to talk to him before they get married, or as individuals, and express fears about the future. I guess it isn't surprising that my peers are all worried about what the world has to offer them. They are afraid to have children because the moral standard of the world continues to decline; the economy is never stable; divorce rates continue to rise; etc. etc. etc. He told us, "You have the brightest of futures of anyone on the history of this earth. You have more good and more joy to look forward to. Yes, there will be trials. But, miracles are born out of trails and sacrifice."

The whole time I was listening to his talk, though, I was thinking that I'm not scared to get married. I'm not scared to have children. I am not worried about how I would support a family -- I know that God sustains us. I am scared about the future, though. Because I'm scared of having a future where I am alone. For some reason, a lonely future sounds neither bright or joyful.

After conference, I went home and made pumpkin pies. They turned out delicious. I know, because I had some for breakfast. I'm pretty pleased with the crust, which we all know is one of the hardest things to pull off, and I didn't over or under bake them. Now, I just have to decide if I am going to share, or if I am going to devour them all up myself.

The Importance of a Hug

“We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” —Virginia Satir, family therapist

If the above statement is true, then I'm not surviving. I'm lucky if I get in two hugs a week... make that a month. I can be a very touchy, feely, huggy sort of person. And I can not be. It is all dictated by who I am with and the level of comfort I feel with that person. I have had friends where hugs become second nature. You hug when you first meet up, you definitely hug before you leave and sometimes there are hugs just for the heck of it. Because sometimes hugs seem like a natural part, and it seems strange to not be touching that person in some way. Then there are friends where any time you step within a certain distance, I feel as though I am invading their personal space or that they are invading mine. Hugs seem strange and alien. It's not because I am any less of a friend with that person, it's just because we don't have one of those relationships.

Lately, the number of friends that I don't hug have largely taken over that I do. And I find myself wishing that old friends who were masters at the art of hugging were nearby and could wrap me up in an embrace that is filled with love, friendship and security.

No, hugging is not a euphemism for anything else. I am just talking about a simple embrace.

Except now, I want to talk about something else. Like how the hug is an excellent tool for leading in to other things. (Which I am sadly lacking in, also.)

I was discussing this with a friend the other night. Over the summer I had a friend where joking about NCMOs and other such things were common place. For a while I was worried that he would act on the conversations and whenever he got too close, I would skit away because I wasn't really in to the idea of a NCMO with him. And then, I changed my mind, and I thought, "If he makes a move, he will get lucky." Because I'm that generous of a person.

Right.

Anyway, I didn't skit away, and he didn't make a move. Or, didn't make a move from what I could tell. Come to find out later, he had mentioned to a mutual friend that he had tried and that he was sick of trying because I was too difficult or whatever. And I wondered, "When?" When did he try? I mean, I had noticed him invading my personal space enough to feel the need to skit away, but I didn't actually think he was trying anything. Apparently he was?

For the record, the fancy has passed. The window is closed for anything happening. But, I was just thinking... if we had been the sort of friends where hugging was commonplace, it would have been much easier for him. The personal boundaries would have already been breached with the hello-hug and the good-bye-hug and the interwoven hugs throughout our friendship. If it had been a comfortable thing for him to wrap me up in his arms, then it would have been nothing to place a kiss on the cheek and then... go from there.

See! Hugging is brilliant. It's a natural transition. Askmen.com has an interesting article on hugging that says,

The dazzling hug diet is terrific because the act of hugging transfers energy and generates positive emotional stimulation, resulting in happiness. Physical contact and stimulation are absolutely necessary for our overall well-being. Hugging a person by wrapping one's arms around the other's neck or waist or touching faces cheek to cheek is, without a doubt, one of the most common demonstrations of affection.... Hugs come in many different flavors, and each one says something different. For example, there's the fraternal hug, the friendly hug, the loving hug, the sexual hug, and many more. 

I miss getting hugs from my dad. I miss baby Kelsie wrapping her little arms around my neck and squeezing as hard as she possibly can. I miss hugs from Becca. Or other friends where I could just go and put my arms around their neck or their waists and just get a reassuring squeeze that they cared about me.

It's amazing what just a little affection can do for one's morale. I found an article called A Hug... The Miracle Drug. Located here. And I'm going to agree, sometimes a hug is a happy pill of sorts. And I could really stand to get my prescription filled.

The Wedding

I just realized that I never did blog about Becca's wedding in Scotland. It was really neat to be a part of it, so I think that I should record what happened, although, now we're going based on memory. Goodness, I should have done this a month ago.

On August 18, 2011, Becca and Christian had their reception. It was a pretty stressful day trying to get there as Roberta was trying to line a bolero for Sarah's dress, and everybody else was trying to get rented kilts and hairs and nails and everything done beforehand. I set out on my own for the first time, trying to hunt down a needle in order for Roberta to hand sew the lining. It was fairly nerve wracking. Some how, we made it relatively on time? Becca and Christian disappeared for pictures and we got to listen to the bag piper.

It was held at the Edinburgh Botanical Gardens. We had heard predictions that it was supposed to rain all day, but luckily, it was just really overcast -- like a wall of gray clouds -- but no more than a few sprinkles until the end of the night. That made for some really good pictures, I think, because we didn't have to worry about weird shadows or anything like that. The gardens were beautiful and the grass was so green.

We had the dinner first for family members and members of the wedding party. It was held in this beautiful stone building. It was exquisitely decorated. Becca, Christian, Sarah and Will (the best man) were seated in a table up front. I was next to Will's fiance and Christian's friend, James and they provided amusing dinner companions. Becca and Christian both stood and said how and why they loved each other and thanked everyone for being there, then Becca's dad, Sarah and Will all gave toasts. Toasts at a Mormon function are very strange and I don't think any of us really know what we are doing when it comes to them, but everything that was said was really nice. Even Jason, who was acting as emcee, said a little something and seeing this big, gruff man expressing his love for his sister and his joy at her finding someone that made her happy was enough to make everyone tear up -- even him. So that was fun.

Afterward, they cut their cake.

And then the party started. The rest of the guests began to arrive. Some were decked out in kilts, which was really awesome, especially for the dancing portion of the evening. Becca and Christian danced to Then by Brad Paisley for their first dance. It was really sweet. Becca had hired a Scottish band that played traditional ceilidh (pronounced keel-ee) dancing. They had a call person that told us how to do each of the dances, but those that grew up in Scotland were taught in school, so a lot of them -- including my dance partner -- knew how to do most of the dances. They were really fun. I was laughing so hard, because of course, I am a terrible dancer. By the time I got most of the steps down, the dance was usually over. There was a tent set outside for when it got too hot and stuffy in the dance hall.

The evening was sogreat, and a ton of fun. I think it all went without too much of a hitch. Aside from Becca's phone being misplaced, and me freaking out about it, I think it was quite a perfect evening.

The next morning was the wedding. We didn't have hair and nail appointments to get to, so we tried to recreate Becca's look from the night before. I was in my pajamas when we arrived at the church, and we had to quickly get ready to go. We were late getting the ceremony started, but I hope that most people anticipated that...

Since Becca and Christian needed to be married civilly before going to be sealed in the temple, we did the ceremony at the church building, in the chapel. Flowers from the night before were put out to decorate the chapel. Sarah and I walked down the short, little aisle to Pachebel's Canon in D, and then Becca was escorted down with her dad. We sat in the first pew and the Bishop welcomed everybody to the wedding. We sang For the Beauty of the Earth and had an opening prayer. Then Sarah gave a little talk about the difference between being married civilly and being sealed in the temple. The bishop got up and spoke for a second and called the couple, "Brother and Sister McDermott", which was pretty funny. He really did give a very good talk. Then he married them and they signed the marriage certificate with Sarah and Roberta being the witnesses. After that, Roberta, Sarah and I sang How Great Thou Art. I was super nervous about it, because of course, Sarah has had voice lessons and is really good and not only did we not have the music, but we hadn't had time to practice. At all. But we mustn't have sounded too bad because I got a lot of compliments and I know that Sarah and Roberta both were told that we did a good job. Then we had a closing prayer and it was time to go to the temple.

But first, I had to run to the hotel to get Roberta's pills. Christian's friend, James, had his car and was nice enough to drive me over there and to the train station where we said good-bye to him and hopped on the train to Preston, England, where the temple is located. The ride is three hours long. We had them announce over the PA that Becca and Christian were getting married, and everyone cheered for them. I think I read most the way, while everybody else slept. The countryside that we passed made me extremely sad that I was going home shortly after. I would have liked to have seen much more of Scotland.

We got to the train station and had to wait around for taxis to come pick us up and take us to the temple grounds. I think Preston has the most beautiful grounds I have ever seen. Surrounding the temple was a real English garden. Red roses were everywhere, making me think of Alice in Wonderland, Painting the Roses Red...I was singing that the whole time Becca was in the temple. Becca and Christian were off taking pictures, and unfortunately, we ran out of time before we could get group shots with everyone. They went in to be sealed, and those of us who weren't able to join them in the sealing room waited around. I spent a lot of time walking through the gardens and taking pictures, but when it started to rain, I decided to head in to the waiting room.

After the sealing, we didn't have long before our train back to Edinburgh. So, the wedding dinner was McDonald's. It was very classy. We waited for our train, said good-bye to Sarah, who was leaving to go home. We had one stop where we had to change trains, and we said good-bye to Christian and Becca, who were headed to Glasgow for a few nights. By the time we made it back to Edinburgh, we were pretty tired.

Over all it was an absolutely beautiful wedding, and aside from running late and behind, went without a hitch. I was so happy to be able to be a part of it and be a bridesmaid for one of my very best friends.

I thought I could... But I can't

This is the blank post that will be a place holder for the time I sat down to write all my woes and didn't have the courage and/or security to do it. 

Some things aren't meant to be posted on the web for everyone to read. And sometimes, it's just too hard to put in to words. Besides, I haven't figured out which is worse: people asking, "What's wrong?" or not asking at all.

Utah Autumn

Click for a bigger view. Trust me, you want to!

Have I mentioned how much I love this season in Utah? I keep getting reports that it is freezing and rainy in Ohio, and I've been dealing with beautiful, warm summer-like days and cool, lovely autumn-like evenings and nights. It's perfect sleeping weather.

Utah is the prettiest in the fall. The leaves on the mountains start turning red just one day, and the next day, the mountainside is aflame with orange and red leaves mixed with the green of the leaves that haven't changed, the blue of the sky... it's so breathtaking.

Last Sunday we went for a walk in the Canyon. I have lived in Provo for seven years, and I've never taken the bath path to Bridal Veil Falls. So we did. And we walked right past the falls and ended up at Vivienne Park then turned around and came back. It was perfect (hot) weather and beautiful scenery the whole way there and back. (Except the power lines strung along the side of the mountains. Those are complete eyesores.)

Aside from the view and the weather, I love fall because I love harvest time. I love the food. Pumpkin bread and cookies and pie. Apple crisp. Squash. Soups! Chilis! Fall is just so delicious! You read about the disaster with the healthy soup, but I'm happy to say that my cheesy broccoli soup turned out to be "uber delicious". Yum. Next up, chili in a bag. (Actually, next up are the fish tacos that I bought stuff for, but I haven't yet attempted to make them. Hopefully everything doesn't go bad before I get a chance to do that, or I'll be upset.)

Now I just need to go to the store and buy more boots, more cardigans and more jackets! Then I will be perfectly wardrobed for fall!