I've all but quit blogging.

I've all but quit blogging.

I can't really explain why. It seems like I do nothing, and yet I'm hardly home, and I have not responsibilities but I'm always busy.

I've all but quit sleeping too.

I have friends that suffer from real insomnia, and that's not what this is. I can't really explain it, but it's definitely gotten worse over the past few months. I avoid going to bed. Whether it's by reading or watching hours of Hulu.com, staying well past my welcome at friends' houses, or cleaning the bathroom; I just dread going to bed before I'm stumbling sleep-drunk into my bed.

If I'm so exhausted that I already am having trouble keeping my eyes open, then I don't have to think, I don't have to make excuses or reassurances to myself. The song lyric, "I can't take this bed getting any colder," keeps running through my mind on repeat. And so I keep myself at the brink of exhaustion, because I'm avoiding a bed that I have to warm up all by myself. No one is waiting for me to come home. No one is waiting for me to come to bed. And I hate it.

The trouble with being tired all the time is...well, there are lots of problems. But the main one is, that my immune system breaks down if I am not getting adequate sleep. So when I started fighting against a head cold last week, I should have made an effort to get rest. Instead, I pushed myself to stay awake until 2-3 a.m., and in return, managed to make myself even more sick.

For the record, a peppermint bath is not a great idea.

Peppermint is a cooling sensation. Baths are supposed to be piping hot. The mixture of the two is the most strange, uncomfortable feeling. I probably could have boiled my skin right off my body without knowing it, because my skin felt as though it were freezing instead. I quickly gave that up, and spent the remainder of the day in my lonely bed.

I turned 27 this year, and while my lack of blog post may show my lack of enthusiasm for the whole idea of it, it should not be interpreted to mean that I am lacking in friends that made an effort to make me feel special on my birthday. So, I know I'm loved, and it's always good to be reminded.

The last month or so has been fairly difficult on my family. Times like these, I wish I lived closer. I'm not sure what I think my presence would accomplish. I just want to be a support and a strength to my parents and to my siblings. Not being there has felt selfish, because I don't have to live with some of the turmoil that has gone on. I don't have to think about everything that is staring them all in the face. I feel very guilty because I can turn my concern and worries on and off and they can't.

New Summer Header

I love having real design programs to do design work. 

March Header

I like March because it is a whole month dedicated to Green. I love the color green.

Next week begins a month of crazy, busy. I start two classes: cake decorating and a writing class (in Heber) and I will be continuing my workouts at the gym with Alaina. (See her Facebook page here.)

For those of you wondering, I haven't noticed a huge physical change since I started working out with Alaina in January, but I feel stronger. And I bet I would have more energy if I weren't up at this hour touching up my blog. I love the program that Alaina has me on because the workouts are challenging and, dare I say? Fun. I was afraid that when I started, I would dread going and hate it the whole time I am working out, but really, I've started to enjoy it.

If only I could hire a personal chef, I think I would really be on track.

To Sum Up

I've been meaning to blog...

...about Christmas and Christ and the blessings I have
...about how awesome being home (with a 50 degree Christmas) with my family is
...about watching Mackenzie play basketball
...about Kelsie
...about the one-handed make-out bandit
...about my uncle setting me a deadline to be married
...my New Year's resolutions
...a summary of my year
...pictures
...about my run in with my third grade teacher, which I can sum up by telling you that she said, "It's my favorite," meaning ME, "Heywood student!"
...about my first experience at a bar in Troy

But I've been too busy enjoying/experiencing all those things, that I think that it will just have to wait. Plus, people around here are using IE, and it's painful.

Creepy October Header

I haven't been using Picnik.com for much lately, but that will all change. They've put up pretty much the coolest features ever, and I will begin using my free time to turn people in to zombies.

I never knew I liked zombies, until now.

Patriotic Blog

I just updated the ole blog to celebrate the Fourth of July. I feel like I'm not a true patriot, and that's something I really want to work on, because I really love our country. Even if I do disagree with most of the politics that are around...

Where liberty dwells, there is my country.  ~Benjamin Franklin

My God!  How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy!  ~Thomas Jefferson

It's Easter! Time for a new blog!

I had my St. Patrick's Day blog up for too long, so I've spent the evening trying to get this together.
I love this new blog design! The pictures of Christ, the colors... it's all fantastic.

If it ever stops snowing, spring will be in full bloom... and spring in Utah is really pretty. I love when the mountains are still capped with pure, white snow, the skies are usually blue with white clouds and the part that isn't covered in snow, is green. I love the colors together! Then you add the tree buds and the flowers... I just love it. I can't wait until we get warmer weather.

I also love that Easter is at the end of the month this year. It will be perfect.

Jumpstart to February

I didn't make a January design for my blog because it takes so much time... I'm getting better as I know more how to manipulate the "design" programs I have to work with, but it still takes a few hours.

I was feeling in the mood for a change, and decided to work up something, but it was too late to do something for January, so I skipped and went to February.

I like it.

Christmas Card 2010

May all your holiday dreams come true!

I was going to sit down and do what I did last year, but it seems like a bit much.

My year in summary includes: moving twice, losing best friends to bigger and greater things outside of Provo, graduating from BYU (yes, that means, finishing stats), self-publishing my book, traveling to Florida and to New York City, having family and friends continually demonstrate how much they love me and accept me for who I am, and reaffirming my testimony of the gospel - I do not want to be anywhere without it.

I have much to be grateful for. The Church. My Savior. My family. My job. I love this time of year, even if it is wretchedly cold outside because I love to sit down and realize all the things that have blown by as the year as progressed and to count my blessings - as there are many.

Christmas Blog

I don't know what to think. I've changed my blog again, and this time, I did it ALL on my own. It might not have been as impressive - after all, moms and grandmas and all sorts of people have figured out how to design their own blog - except, I'm not using your typical creative programs. That's right, no Photoshop, no InDesign, no.... I don't know what other programs people use.

But I did it.

I'm not exactly sure that I like it completely. But I'm sick of working on it... so this is how it will stay for the next month or so. I figure most people who read my blog, do so through their Reader or through email, anyway.

I really am in love with picnik.com. Since it is new, I only anticipate for it to get better. But it is pretty user-friendly, comprehensive and fun. There are a lot of features that I just wish I had projects to use them with! Like the textures...! So great...

Is anyone else blown away that it is December? I'm still in denial that I'm supposed to be wearing a coat! I drove by campus today and felt sorry for the poor... *dears* that are out walking around campus in this frigid weather. I must say, I do not miss that, not one little bit.

*shudder*

Birthday Month Tribute

New month. New design. And this time I had to throw in a tribute for the fact that it is my BIRTHDAY month. Commence celebrations! And also mourning. I'm still deciding how I feel about 25. No. Scratch that. I've decided how I feel, but I'm trying to be more excited and less pessimistic and gloomy about it.

Of course, I am always excited to celebrate myself... so that shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Design Whiplash

Yes.... I needed my blog to pay tribute to one of the greatest holidays.

I've been in denial that summer is over. If it weren't for the fact that it is now dark when I look out the window, I think I would still disbelieve. The only thing that isn't depressing me at this very moment, is the fact that my room is probably going to get very chilly because I left the windows open... and I LOVE that.

Also... I think it is time to buy the stuff to make chili. Mom! I wish you were here to make me chili. That's like, my favorite thing ever. Chili + fall = bliss.

Yup, William... I know what we are having for dinner on Thursday. (It's not chili, but I just thought of it...!)

Again, so soon?

I revamped by blog again... I can't decide if I like it better than the last one, but I've been adding a bunch of different things to promote Unrealized Dreams and I'm still loving the design feature on blogger, so... it had to be done.

I was also going to take a minute and update on some things, but life plugs on and nothing really new is going on. I vow to go to bed early every night, but then decide that 9 p.m. is too early to actually retire, so then I start working on something: writing, cleaning, movie, etc. and I miss my bedtime by about three hours. So, I'm still getting to bed between midnight and 1 a.m., instead of 11:00 p.m. like I plan. And I still have a ridiculously hard time getting up in the morning, even when I think I've gotten enough sleep.

I don't know what it is about rational thinking in the morning, but all logic is lost. I barely comprehend that my alarm - nay, three alarms - have been going off for over an hour. And when I finally do understand that that is what the racket is (assuming that I've heard the noise at all) I somehow haggle with myself as to how much more time I get to remain in bed. Trust me, it always seems very much on the up and up to get a few more, or twenty, minutes of sleep when I'm laying there wishing it were Saturday morning and I had nothing to do.

Of course, when you read posts like yesterday, you might begin to understand why I enjoy sleep so gosh darn much. I mean, just think of the movie-dreams I get to "watch" while I'm asleep. They're exciting! And free!

Or, I guess you can't consider them free, because when I am running late in the morning, technically they cut into my work hours, which means I am being paid less....

On that logic, I'm paying more for my dream-movies than I would a regular movie. Which seems really stupid, now that it is not 7:30 a.m.

Hey! Does anyone want to go see a movie with me? I really want to now that I am thinking about it.

New Header

New header for a new month. It's been awhile.

New Layout

I am loving Blogger's new Design feature and have spent the last week or so revamping most of my blogs. I left this one for last because I wanted to take more time on it.

I think I like it.

If you're reading from Facebook or Buzz, click on "original post" or go to shellmarie.blogspot to check it out.

New Header

Face Lift

I love giving my blog a little face lift now and again. There are so many creative websites where you can borrow ideas and graphics and there are some truly talented, designers out there.

I wish that I were one of them.

Did you know that I was accepted into BYU as a graphic design (pre-art) major? That was going to be my profession. My cockiness got int the way, and now that I'm into my 6th year in Provo, I wonder what I was thinking when I decided to change to social sciences.

Don't get me wrong. I loved 99% of my geography classes. I loved the teachers. I love the topics. I love geography in general. But I don't see myself really doing anything with the knowledge that I have gained over the past few years (except impress random Brazilians with my knowledge of their forward capital or identifying different housing styles in the European landscape...) career-wise.

If only I had stuck with design. I really love it. I love doing layout things and using creativity. One of my favorite parts of my job is designing the cover of the spec books that we do. The cover I designed is clean and professional. I think some people (Dad) might be surprised by my lack of various fonts and my limited coloring. But it works for what it is.

What I really enjoy doing is making new headers for my blog, designing Christmas cards and wedding invites. I don't have much experience with either - although I did help Camille with hers some....6-7 years ago? Anyway... maybe one day I will go back to school and get some legit training and experience so I can do some more work. If the whole author thing doesn't work out..........

Christmas Card

Tis the season for Christmas cards. I've always wanted to send them out, and I never do mostly because I'm lazy. But also because Christmas cards are for 1) people who want to brag about their kids 2) new couples who want to prove that they love their choice of spouse 3) someone who has traveled around the world...etc. Since I don't fall into any of those categories, and because really, I blog and you are able to read about all of the things that have happened to me throughout the year... Shoot, I'm totally talking myself out of doing this.

I designed the "card" above. It's sort of my new favorite thing to do on Picasa. It's complicated, and I feel like I am tricking the system for what it is meant to do. I would rather have Photoshop - all it's cool features...sigh. So how do I want to do this "Christmas card"? A run down of the year's events? Ok.

January
The year started in Ohio, as I have been lucky enough to do every year since I moved to Utah. Since I had been out of work since November, this trip was a Christmas miracle and was completely due to a generous gift given to me by my awesome roommates - who bought my plane ticket home. I was living at the Omni with Ashley, Becca and Kira. We were partying it up, doing one-song dance parties in the parking garage. I was serving as the FHE Mom and having a blast with my family. This was also the beginning of my last full-time semester at BYU.

February
I became an aunt! Kelsie was born at the beginning of the month. I was sad that I couldn't be there, and felt completely left out of the loop because I could never get a hold of anyone, and when I did get on the phone with someone, Amy was so RUDE to be in the background yelling and stuff. Guess she was in pain or something. I really wish I had been there, still.

When I finally got my grubby hands on some pictures, I could tell that she would be pretty much the cutest little girl in all the world. I think I am a prophetess. All the pictures I have received thus far have proven me correct.

March
I don't remember March. We celebrated Becca's birthday by taking a party bus to Wendover, Nevada. Colin and I were still FHE parents. I was still in school, although, wrapping up the semester. I really did like all of my classes - they were interesting and fun and I had great professors.

April
I finished the semester amongst moving (typical) and organizing a ward video for the Stake FHE Oscar Night. Becca and I moved into a house by Seven Peaks with Roberta (Becca's Mom) and we fell into the lap of luxury, basically. More room - storage, a pantry, different rooms to put things! Stairs and a garage. I dropped off my car to be repaired - transmission leak - before I went home and met Kelsie for the first time. Amy held off the baby's blessing so that I could be there, and it was a very nice treat. I had found the ticket for so cheap that I used some of my loan money to pay for it. I'm still glad I did it, even if I have started paying back student loans this month.


May
May was a super busy month! I went to California one week to attend Kira and Reuben's wedding reception. I drove down with Levi and Colin and Aubrey met up with us. It was seriously a blast. Then the next weekend, I took off to New Mexico with the FTC and we spent Memorial Day weekend in Santa Fe. I was lucky that I didn't have to worry about getting off of work, and I was only taking one geography class because I decided to drop my stats class and sign up through independent study. I'm still sticking by my decision to do that...even if I could have been done about 700x by now. But that's mostly because I'm ridiculously stubborn. Becca and I established a party house by throwing a successful Cinco de Mayo party. 

June - July

Becca and I memorialized Michael Jackson by throwing a Michael Jackson party at our house. We also celebrated our one-year anniversary in Bear Lake. I can't keep everything straight, so sometime during these two months, my mom, Amy and Kelsie came out to visit and go to the Bollschweiler family reunion in Moab, Utah. I haven't been to Moab, and it was really cool to walk around instead of drive through. I was still in school and had to balance my time between the two. It was nice to have my mom around. We went up to Idaho to visit my uncle and his family. I contracted the piggy flu and was down for a day or so, and tried hard not to kiss the baby. It was impossible.

August Back to Ohio for the Armstrong family reunion. And that was the most exciting thing I did. It was so fun to be home with the family. I was very blessed to have my ticket paid for by my uncle, and then he allowed me to work for him for a week in order to pay him back. I was starting to freak out about money, so I was really looking for new jobs, toying with the idea of moving back to Ohio and not doing stats like I was supposed to be doing. I enjoyed a lot of laying out in the sun and reading. It was fabulous, really. 

September 

Stats is still not done. And since I didn't have a job, I took off to Idaho planning to stay a week. A few days in, I got a phone call from KMA, wondering if I were available for a second interview. So I headed on back. It was the smartest choice that I made, since I got the job. I also finished one of my tests for stats and did terrible. I started toying with the idea of going to Korea to teach English. I even got my passport! But when it came down to it, I had to have stats done...and well, you read the first sentence.

October
October is a busy month. I had to completely replace my brake system in my car. I officially started my job working at Kevin Madson & Associates as the office manager. I can't tell you how much of a blessing it was to finally have a job again. Plus, it's pretty much the best job I've ever had. I work with all guys - that are hilarious. Kevin has the biggest heart and is the best boss (not neurotic at all). It was hard getting back into the swing of having a full-time job. I maintained the sleeping schedule I've had for about six months (you know: wake up at 11am, do whatever, take a nap outside, go to lunch with the FTC, play and party, read, and then go to bed at 2 or 3 or 4am. Repeat). Having a job sitting at a desk is exhausting! But, if you do it well, you will get a raise within fourteen days - which I did. The best part of October is Halloween; and Becca and I made sure we did this with a bang. We threw an awesome party at our house, complete with formal invitations, test tube and dry ice drinks, a DJ and awesome decorations. The guys dressed up which was way sweet. I hit up a party at the Omni ward. And then Becca and I went to Salt Lake for another party.

November
MY BIRTHDAY MONTH! I made sure to celebrate all month long. Not really, but I did celebrate for a good two weeks. See previous post. We had an awesome sleepover when New Moon was released and that was a lot of fun. I went to Southern California for Thanksgiving. Work is still going really good.

December
I can't believe December is here already. And I can't believe that for the fifth year in a row, when I've thought that there was no way I was going to make it home (though I am always determined to go anyway) a miracle - in the form of relatives, roommates or this year, my boss - I am able to go. I've been trying to work out my finances so I could justify a plane ticket and when I looked I found cheap tickets, but hadn't talked to my boss about getting time off, and then the prices rise and I thought that there was going to be no way. But my boss called me into his office and handed me a check. "It's not much," he says, "It might be able to buy you a dinner for you and your boyfriend." But when I opened it, it was much more than that. It was enough to pay for an expensive ticket... which I didn't have to do, because the prices had dropped again. So not only did I get money that I wasn't expecting, I also got a great deal on my flight. Anyone who does not believe in Christmas miracles and answers to prayers are just not opening their eyes.

So that's the year. I can't believe 2009 is over! It seems absolutely crazy that I'm 24. And I know, I'm not graduated or married or working some high-paying job or even doing an internship in my major. But, I'm happy. I have great friends. My relationship with my family is good. And the Lord continues to bless my life, even if I am a complete screw up. This next year will be full of new things: I'll probably get my stats done which means graduation, hopefully I will leave the country and USE my passport, I'm definitely moving within the next month... and who knows what else!


Merry Christmas. I hope that your year has brought you as many ups and downs as mine (hopefully more ups than downs) and you've been able to learn and live and grow.





 

Quick Post

I haven't had a lot of time to blog lately, which makes me sad...but despite being very busy, I haven't really had a lot to blog about. My days consist of work...and more work...and then usually some church activity where I am trying to integrate myself in the "new" ward (and have been unsuccessful thus far) or doing stats.

I have taken my first stats test.And I have not checked my score yet.

[Pause, because I've finally remembered to check my score while sitting at the computer...]

Never mind, it looks like there isn't a way to check that on the one of twenty-two (only three) sites that they give you to do this dumb course. Don't worry though, I've emailed the "stattutor" to ask. I really want to know. Well, there is a part of me that doesn't care, but whatever. I am now advancing into a part of the course where I really won't understand anything. William has his work cut out for him.

In other news, now that November is nigh upon us, NEW MOON is as well. Everything they put out makes me just a little bit more excited for the film. I have embedded a series of clips from the trailers and interviews. It should just be on continuous play, so watch it. You'll see one clip that was just released yesterday. It's pretty good. And I definitely know that New Moon will be SO much better than Twilight.

Speaking of which, the guys at work found out that I sort of like Twilight, and have since been quizzing me everyday. I met Wes' wife and she was telling me how he was asking her for trivia questions and was embarrassed to admit that she knew the books well enough to give the questions, and that she knew them herself. I laugh, because I feel the same way. Ah, well...



Halloween hasn't been the same this year as it was last year. We had a party every night last year and all dressed up like nuns and had an awesome time (I don't think I will ever beat the fun I had dancing at the mental hospital) - but this year, I'm so tired. And I don't have a costume. I've been to three parties already (the one we threw on Wednesday, the lame ward party on Thursday -- lame probably because 1)We missed the main activity 2)I still don't feel comfortable in our ward and 3)Not very many people showed up....Also, the fact that our Bishop likes country music and that was what was playing when we arrived...blech -- and then the Omni party last night. Which was fun.) So tonight there is talk about going to Salt Lake, where 1)I don't know anyone 2)I'm still tired and 3)I have millions of things to do. I guess we will see what happens. I have a feeling I am going to be dragged there. Sigh.

Happy Halloween! Amy, I want to see picutres of my little baby gnome! (And you!) Please send them ASAP.

Updated

Hi friends -

For those of you who read this on Google reader or some other feed, I have updated my blog's look...and I think you should check it out.

While the background may change regularly, I haven't changed the header picture since I started the blog. I added a few other gadgets, etc.

And so this isn't a completely boring post:

I found this incredibly fun website that does Victorian clip art. On a few posts, they have ideas for some really cute and creative crafts - one day, when I am crafty, I will take some of these up. They look so cute! So if you are feeling crafty, look here. And then call me - we'll make some cute stuff.