New Header

New header for a new month. It's been awhile.

Ugh.

I have friends that blog about how fun it is to clip coupons, shop discounts and get things for much cheaper than the sticker price. I have a sister who thinks that buying a McDonald's ice cream cone is splurging. And many, many people know how to live without because they can't afford it. I have another friend who seems to be making a boatload of money, which is probably true - but the reason he can drop hundreds of dollars on new furniture all within a week is because he is the master at budgeting.

I am not these people.

I need to be these people. It would be much better if any one of these hijacked my account and made sure I couldn't get my grimy hands on my own money. Mostly because 1) I don't have money and 2) I still spend like I do have money. Which leads to very stressful situations, or what I think of as dire situations. And I have to start thinking about getting a second job. Or planning my future.  Because anyone who knows me knows that I am not meant to live a poor life. Partly because I don't know how to say "no" to things that I want or go without what I need.

(And if anyone mentions a particular $450.00 ticket to Ohio... leave your argument at the door.)

The most recent problem came (not because of the aforementioned plane ticket) but because I had to pay first and last month's rent, on top of a deposit that was supposed to be paid by the girl I bought my contract from, and on top of all of that, rent that I didn't know I owed. Which depleted my savings. Completely.

So basically the money that I have been saving for months and months to go to London has been wiped out entirely. And what little I had left in my savings account has had to transfer over to cover basic bills. I am waiting for my deposit from the other apartment and the deposit from this girl - though I am doubting that she is really going to pay up.

So how do you turn $0 into money for a trip to New York, Scotland, Ohio and Ohio again and still afford groceries, bills, bills and more bills, gas money and frequent dining out.

You can't. And that's soooooooooooo depressing.

Grocery Store

Today I had to go to the grocery to get milk for work. I also picked up two bottles of hand soap, toilet paper, a case of water bottles and plastic forks and spoons.

I tell you the shopping list only because I want you to count: seven items.

Which totally entitles me to use the 10 items or less self-checkout. But when I pull my basket up, the old guy running the self-checkouts tells me that I shouldn't use that one, but move to a different one. It would have been totally easy for me to move my basket full of items to the other one, but for some reason, I felt defensive. Why was he telling me what to do?

I'm not some 90-year old woman that doesn't know how technology works. I've worked at a grocery store before. I'm pretty proficient on the self-checkouts.

So I thank him for his concern, but tell him that I am perfectly fine on the checkout that I've chosen. He gives me this spiel on why the checkout that he wants to move me to is better (it isn't) and again I say thanks and continue to unload my cart.

I managed with absolutely no problems whatsoever. Despite his warning that you could only do two to three "skip bagging" items on the smaller checkout. (I only had one. On the most-case scenario, I would have had three, tops.) I am grateful for this knowledge though. It seems like something one should know.

When I left, I wished him a good afternoon, and he ignored me.

Oh well.

As I unloaded my car, I realized this is why my friends think I'm so crusty, and I wonder what they would have done. Probably have been pansies and moved to where the guy told them to move.

Reverse Psychology

Reverse psychology is defined as telling a person something that is the opposite of what you want him to do or believe. German psychologists Adorno and Horkheimer theorized that people respond in an opposite or reverse direction of what they are told, and this theory has been tested and proved since the idea's debut in the late 1970s.

Several of my friends have gotten married this month or gotten engaged and a couple have broken up. All of these status changes have put me in mind of relationships - of the romantic and long-lasting sorts - and how I haven't had much experience with them and how I don't know much about things of this nature, at all. I've also been thinking of how I'm 24 years old and will be turning 25 in just a few short months (I try to forget this last part. Partially because I don't like that I am getting older and not really doing much with my life; but mostly because November means cold weather. I'm dreading the cold weather. While I am not really prepared to be 25, I am even less prepared for snow and coats and winter...*shudder*).

Anyway, the more I've thought about it, the more I've realized that nothing is going to happen until I come to terms with the fact that something might never happen. Not that that is what I really believe, but I am going to have to get to a point where I do believe it...or nothing is ever going to happen. Reverse psychology, see?

The advice you hear from those recently "caught" are the ones who say, "I had just given up," or "I wasn't ready/looking," or "That was the last thing on my mind."

Of course, I've always known this, but thought it was stupid. Because as soon as you want to stop thinking about something, the more you think about it. Just like as soon as you start dieting, you want to eat more Sweet Tooth Fairy cupcakes (yum).  So even when I seem perfectly contented in my single life, which is more often than not, and try to make that step to being completely satisfied with single life... well, the more I realize how my full-sized bed feels like it is a mile wide and the more I resent how truly happy my friends are that are married and the more I get jealous of those that aren't even that happy, but are just in relationships. Lame.

So somehow, I've got to truly and honestly convince myself that I am 100% completely resolved to live the life of a nun. Totally ready to be that somewhat eccentric, overly-happy, self-loving, joy-to-be-around, wants to be the BEST aunt (and only an aunt) for the rest of my days, ambitious, successful, SINGLE career woman, with no thoughts of men, romance, love, companionship, parenthood, partnership, empty bed forever, loneliness, etc.

After this, and only after this, will I find what I am not craving at all. It's like some spiritual journey that involves monks and ancient temples and finding your inner chi, but not. Instead you're finding tickets for one, third-wheel style weekends and way, way too much estrogen in your "much needed" girls' nights.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. The journey of a perfectly contented single life begins with.... what? Someone let me know, so I can get started.

Tricorn

Yesterday I dropped off submittals at a contractor's before heading home from work. Because of where this contractor is located, I took my favorite "back road" in Provo/Orem. After going through a round about, I found myself following this old man wearing a tricorn hat. (See picutre.) I already noticed how awesome his white, vintage Jeep was, but then I noticed the hat. I loved it.

As we continued down towards a new street, there was a guy just trudging along with a contented smile on his face. As the white Jeep passed him, I watched as his head turned to follow, and then when the Jeep had completely the passed the man laughed. My windows were down, so I heard his laugh. He even took a second to bend and place his hands on his thighs and then he stood up straight and continued on. The laugh made me giggle. I was already smiling because of the hat, but the walking man's laugh totally brightened my day.