Pearls, Spirits and Teaching

Yesterday, Elder Jay Jensen of the Quorum of the Seventy came to our ward and taught during the second and third hour of church. Simply put, it was great. At one point during the meeting, he asked those who had not been born and raised into the church to tell us what some of their responses were to the gospel when they heard the messages taught by the missionaries. One guy said that he nodded his head a lot, another mentioned that he'd wept, they all seemed to agree that there were some things that they heard that they thought, "I have always believed that!" or "That makes so much sense!"

I was born in the church, but during his lesson, I was nodding my head and saying, "Of course! That makes complete sense to me."

Elder Jensen started off the lesson with a parable given by Elder Packer at the dedication of the Conference Center in 2000.

Do you think it possible for those of us who are called upon to speak to draw attention away from this wonderful building [the conference center] long enough to focus on the purpose for which it was built?
Perhaps it can be done with a parable and a poem.
The parable: A merchant man seeking precious jewels found at last the perfect pearl. He had the finest craftsman carve a superb jewel box and line it with blue velvet. He put his pearl of great price on display so others could share his treasure. He watched as people came to see it. Soon he turned away in sorrow. It was the box they admired, not the pearl.

The poem:
We are all blind, until we seeThat in the [universal] planNothing is worth the making ifIt does not make the man.Why build these [buildings] glorious,If man unbuilded goes?In vain we build the [world], unlessThe builder also grows. ¹

 I wish I had had this parable in my head a few months ago when I was talking to a friend about temples. He had attended the temple open house in Kansas City, MO. He said:

I found it interesting that the Celestial room was considered the Holy of Holies... a man-made structure; a very ornate, man-made structure that obviously cost a lot of money...instead of like, for me, finding a sanctuary in nature...

I told him that I agreed with the fact that you can feel close to God when you are out in nature. I think that's a given, and he was glad to hear it because he was (jokingly) thinking that all Mormons were materialistic. But if I had had this parable to reference, I could have explained that it isn't the container that matters; though, the containers do serve some importance, it is what goes on inside that is important. We build beautiful temples, and make them ornate and appealing to the landscape because of the precious things that go on inside the temple.

We talked about how there are things in the church that can be the "box", things like: programs, meetings, activities, and I would say, even the people are the box. They aren't the most important thing, but the outside container that holds the precious  truths and doctrines found within the church.

Our body is the container for our spirit. We talked about taking the time and creating a setting where we can receive revelation. And going back to the "that makes sense" feeling, or the, "I've always known that to be true", etc. we read Doctrine & Covenants 55:56

 55 I observed that they were also among the noble and great ones who were chosen in the beginning to be rulers in the Church of God.

 56 Even before they were born, they, with many others, received their first lessons in the world of spirits and were prepared to come forth in the due time of the Lord to labor in his vineyard for the salvation of the souls of men.

It was our spirit that was present during those first lessons where we were taught things about agency, obedience, and the Plan of Salvation. So when we hear the truth, and it resonates with us, it is because our spirit is being brought to remembrance of the things we have already known.

The Lord speaks directly to our spirit. The Holy Ghost testifies directly to our spirit.

Satan, on the other hand, speaks directly to our body. Our body, the ornate container that houses our spirit.

Lastly, Elder Jensen drew out a paradigm that I thought was pretty cool. It comes from scriptures in Doctrine & Covenants 50.

 17 Verily I say unto you, he that is ordained of me and sent forth to ^apreach the word of truth by the Comforter, in the Spirit of truth, doth he ^bpreach it by the Spirit of truth or some other way?

 18 And if it be by some other way it is not of God.

 19 And again, he that receiveth the word of truth, doth he receive it by the Spirit of truth or some other way?

 20 If it be some other way it is not of God.

 21 Therefore, why is it that ye cannot understand and know, that he that receiveth the word by the ^aSpirit of truth receiveth it as it is preached by the Spirit of truth?

 22 Wherefore, he that preacheth and he that receiveth, understand one another, and both are ^aedified and ^brejoice together.

 I don't know if I made this paradigm exactly right (in fact, now that I'm looking at it, it must be wrong...), but the important element that I liked the best is on there, and that is, that when someone is called to preach the gospel, they should set themselves away and only slightly above those they are teaching, and not directly in the way of where the Spirit of Truth can teach and edify. Elder Jensen suggested that parents who stand in the direct line from God are "over-directing". I liked that because it made me think of the many conversations I've had with my mom lately about people we know who at one time were very "staunch" Mormons (or other religions) and they would dictate everything their children did in the most severe way possible. They took principals like modesty, or a commandment like keeping the Sabbath day holy, etc. and really made it impossible for the kids to learn for themselves. In the end, the parents get burned out, or the children turn rebellious.

In the Church, we have to remember that there is a small amount of official doctrine, a few more principles, and countless commandments and applications that fall under the doctrine. I think that there are times when we are struggling with how much we need to do, and we get overwhelmed. But we need to stop and remind ourselves what is doctrine? Or, what is the pearl? vs. What is everything else...what is the box? I'm not saying that commandments aren't important things that we need to be obedient to, but I think that if we have the right perspective, then we can sit back and relax, make quiet time for the Holy Ghost to speak to our spirits, ignore the promptings to our bodies, and finally see the pearl that is sitting right before us.

The Supposed Imperious Curse

There's a debate going on one of my relative's walls right now that I haven't really engaged in, even though it has evoked some pretty strong feelings on my side. (Thank goodness I have this blog to vent to!) It's over a pretty relevant, emotional topic but the strong feelings have nothing to do with the actual topic that is being debated. I'm more upset  with the side comments coming from now ex-members of the church. Comments like this:

When we were active in the LDS church, I would say a lot of...things, because I was told what to think/feel. Now, I know better than to think or believe something just because I'm told to.

...for all the years when I was told how to think/feel/believe in regards to [insert topic here]...

I remember being in elementary school and having to tell my friends that I wouldn't be participating in such and such activity on Sunday, or that I didn't swear, or didn't date, or drink coffee, or whatever the thing was that I wasn't doing, and them asking, "You're not allowed to do that?"

It didn't take me long to figure out that I needed them to know that everything that I have done or not done in the name of the church, was MY CHOICE. One friend finally grasped this concept and started saying that drinking, smoking, etc. was "frowned upon" but she stopped making the mistake of saying that I wasn't "allowed" to do these things. I have my own agency. I can do whatever I want. I can think and feel however I want. Yes. There are consequences to every choice you make. And there might be some consequences to those thoughts and feelings, but that is the natural way of things.

How can you be a member of an organization for 40+ years and be so confused? We teach agency and accountability in the church. Everything we do is because we are trying to be more like our Savior and follow His teachings. We have been given guidelines and commandments to follow. We have prophets to lead and direct the church; leaders who happen to be men (and women) who have their own opinions and ideas about things, and just happen to be recorded nearly every time they open their mouths. If they say something that we don't like, we can go to the Lord in prayer and figure out if it is something that we need to pay attention to, or if it is something that might just be their honest opinion (prejudices and all). You can't tell me that you never let something slip out of your mouth that isn't the most PC or is laced with prejudice or judgment. What if somebody was walking around reporting every single thing that came out of your mouth? Do you think everyone would be OK with what you had to say?

You are not a mindless drone. You are not a programmable robot.

I have never, never been told to think or believe a certain thing about a certain thing that I didn't feel I had the option to weigh what I was being told and figure out whether or not it was true.

Everything I have done in my life is because I chose to do it. Everything I do now, is because I choose for myself to do it.

I have grown up in the church, and throughout my 26 years in it, I have modified and changed some of my views and beliefs as I developed a relationship with God. Just like any relationship, it has changed and modified over the years.

If you are blindly following something because you think you are supposed to, that isn't the fault of the institution that is working to provide the best instruction they can; that's your fault. God doesn't expect you to do anything without asking Him. He just wants you to follow Him and do your best to be like Him.

I just want to emphasize, the church does not tell you how to think or feel about any certain topic. We do not live under the imperious curse.

If you feel that way, then you need to do a little soul searching and figure out what you think and feel for yourself. The church can only provide the groundwork and environment: the doctrine, the scriptures, the study materials, the gift of the Holy Ghost, the peace of the temple, the opinions of the leaders. What you think and feel is yours alone. If it is contrary to doctrine, then you find a way to reconcile or...you make the choice of what that means for your life. No one else can.

Faith Putty

I can already hear the arguments to this post, but I've decided to post it anyway.

Yesterday in Relief Society we were talking about the importance of sustaining our leaders. I think it is an important lesson. One of the things that my mom made sure to tell me every time I had something negative to say about the way things were being run at church was that "criticizing your leaders is the first road to apostasy" or some such thing.

Here's what I know: I know that Heavenly Father has placed a prophet -- with the same keys and authority that ancient prophets from the Bible held -- on the earth. His name is Thomas S. Monson. I know that Heavenly Father calls leaders to preside over the church in different capacities. From apostles, to area seventy, to stake presidents, bishops, etc. etc. etc. I know that the Lord qualifies the leaders that he calls.

I also know that the men and women that are called are human. They make mistakes. They have their own weird prejudices.

Now, the way that the lesson was taught in RS, yesterday, there were a few quotes that if I had been in the mood to play devil's advocate, I might have raised my hand and done so. But I didn't really see the point, and we ended up going over 10 minutes anyway, so who's to say we'd have ever got out if I had raised my hand. But there was one comment that caught my attention.

A visiting mother of one of the girls in our ward mentioned that we all needed to have our own "faith putty". Because there are times when things don't make sense or we just can't reconcile one thing with another. Those are the times where people who think that logic is the be-all and end-all find a hard time moving forward in the gospel. They get hung up on these little things that they can't explain and can't progress. But the woman in class suggested that we needed to just slap some faith putty and move on. Continue to progress. And then, after a while, when the time is right or we have increased understanding, we can go back and look at these little details that don't quite add up.... yet.

Because I think there are a lot of "not yets" in the gospel. We may not understand everything. We may not be able to reconcile what we want to do personally and what we are being told to do. God has given us our freedom to choose and our judgment to use for our own sakes, but I don't think we should ever let ourselves get hung up on something we don't understand or where logic doesn't make enough sense. There are a lot of areas in our lives where we have to apply our faith putty and know that God will give us the answers we seek at a later time. We can't go through life thinking that we'll never have to practice faith. And sometimes it will be a little bit of blind faith -- but I don't think that that is a detriment to us. I think it will only bring increased blessings later.

His Grace is Sufficient

Today in Sacrament Meeting the Bishop quoted from a devotional given by Brad Wilcox at BYU last year. The whole thing is amazingly profound, and I would beg that you click this link and read it in its entirety. Trust me, you want to.

But today is Easter, and so we focus on the Atonement and the Resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Many people, including members of the Church, that don't understand the Atonement. We don't understand what exactly is required of us, and think that it is definitely more than we are giving and probably even more than we think is possible to give. Many people think that we don't believe that we are saved by grace.

I have born-again Christian friends who say to me, “You Mormons are trying to earn your way to heaven.” 

I say, “No, we are not earning heaven. We are learning heaven. We are preparing for it (see D&C 78:7). We are practicing for it.” 

They ask me, “Have you been saved by grace?” 

I answer, “Yes. Absolutely, totally, completely, thankfully—yes!”

I don't think I have ever thought of it that way, but I have been taught that those that aren't prepared for Heaven won't want to be there. They won't feel comfortable in a place where they haven't striven to belong.

I think the main point of the article that really hit home for me, was that so many people believe that the Church is exclusive. That we somehow claim all the rights to heaven and that it is impossible for others to make it. But the Atonement is completed. Christ has already paid for everyone's sins. So everyone is entitled and welcomed to come to Christ.* We are all going to be resurrected. We are all beloved sons and daughters of God and he wants us back.

In the past I had a picture in my mind of what the final judgment would be like, and it went something like this: Jesus standing there with a clipboard and Brad standing on the other side of the room nervously looking at Jesus. 

Jesus checks His clipboard and says, “Oh, shoot, Brad. You missed it by two points.”

Brad begs Jesus, “Please, check the essay question one more time! There have to be two points you can squeeze out of that essay.” That’s how I always saw it. 

But the older I get, and the more I understand this wonderful plan of redemption, the more I realize that in the final judgment it will not be the unrepentant sinner begging Jesus, “Let me stay.” No, he will probably be saying, “Get me out of here!” Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if anyone is going to be begging on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, “Please, choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to stay.”

I am so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. For the knowledge that he lives; he knows me personally; he loves me unconditionally.


*It should be understood that we believe that there are necessary saving ordinances and that it is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that holds the restored priesthood power to act in the name of Jesus Christ and to perform these ordinances as Christ directed when he was on the earth. 

**READ THE TALK!!

13 Articles of Healthy Chastity

There's a lot of reading to do on this topic, but I think it's one worth looking at considering the ages of your daughters at home or the young women in your stewardship. A friend of mine follows this blog and sent me the comments that followed this initial post. I think the topic of sexuality and sex education in the church is an important one that is often overlooked. You hear all kinds of weird stories about girls that get married and know absolutely nothing about sex, and then you read some of these comments about women who felt guilty and ashamed for much of their young adult lives because of what they are taught.

I would like to end with a list of Thirteen suggestions for helping Mormon women have more sex-positive experiences:

1. Overhaul the YW manuals, specifically emphasize chastity, virtue, and modesty as positive powerful choices, affirm the sacred nature of our bodies and our respect for God.
2.  Remove the defensive fear-based vignettes, change emphasis from ‘camel-nose-rape-one-slip-n-you’re-toast to the healing power of the Atonement.
3. Ask Youth leaders/teachers specifically to avoid object lessons that demean our divine nature or compare young women to objects (wilted flowers, tainted food, chewed up gum, battered wood, cabbages or licked cake).
4. Stop talking about modestly as anything other than a sign of self respect. Make boys guardians of their own virtue, girls have no stewardship over boys thoughts or actions.
5. Ask teachers not to have activities emphasizing outward appearance (like make overs and fashion shows) because teaching girls they must always be “modestly hot” in order to attract a husband is still teaching the false illusory power of attracting male attention with our bodies.
6. Root out references to the myth of male weakness. Emphasize that men can control themselves.
7. Include nuance in discussions about sex thoughts, sex discussions, sexual desire, and porn. Our Young Women will think about sex, they will see porn, they will feel desire, they need to talk about sex with reliable adults, they need tools, not blanket prohibitions and condemnation.
8. Include lessons on physical sexual and emotional abuse, and unrighteous dominion.
9. Empower girls to listen to personal revelation.
10. Emphasize that girls who are raped and abused are not responsible for their abuse. That there is no loss of chastity or virtue.
11. Train bishops on what date/acquaintance rape looks like. On my small blog alone, I can think of dozens of women who were called to repentance after being raped.
12. Encourage parents to have ongoing explicit age-appropriate discussions with their children about sex. It is vital that we lift the veil of silence and discomfort. Many Mormon parents are naively worried that they will give their children ideas, or somehow corrupt them with facts. The fact is that children are surrounded by sex, lots of bad information, and tons of sexually explicit materials. But it is a proven fact that the more reliable factual knowledge kids have about sex, the more they talk to their parents about sex, the less likely they are to engage in it. It may be too much to ask, but I dream of a day when the church provides parents with age appropriate manuals for a comprehensive factual approach to sex-education that uses words like penis and vagina and sex.
13. I am going to introduce my final and perhaps most pressing suggestion with another comment from fMh by AJ:

Sexual abuse in my childhood had spurred in me an odd fascination with sex, leading to experimentation with masturbation and pornography. These issues were never addressed directly in YW. Everything I knew about the church’s stance on these issues came from reading the priesthood session talks in the conference ensigns. I felt such deep shame–not only was I a sinner, I was sinning in a way only boys were supposed to sin.
Talking to bishops was awkward at best, harmful at worst. I was asked such inappropriate questions as “did you orgasm?” and was even manipulated and seduced into a physical relationship with one of my bishops. More often the issues I faced when trying to confess these transgressions was embarrassment–more on the part of the bishop than myself.
These men intended to help me would turn bright red and stutter that I should just stop these behaviors. They were too embarrassed to provide real support.
Now–I think bishops are in general very good men trying hard to do God’s work. But I was very, very deeply hurt by the actions of some of the bishops I worked with as a teen.
The amount of pain and confusion caused by the bishop who developed a physically romantic relationship with me is immeasurable and ongoing. I believe he was essentially a good man who just made some very, very bad mistakes. He’s received his punishment and forgiveness and he continues to takes steps to ensure that he never hurts anyone that way again.
But after what I endured at his hands I feel it is absolutely 100% inappropriate for YW to be taught that they must discuss sexual transgressions with an untrained older man in order to obtain the Lord’s forgiveness. I won’t pass on that teaching to my daughters, and you can bet I’ll never be turning to a priesthood leader for counsel regarding my sexuality again.
http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=8666 (This link is where the above list comes from. Don't waste your time reading the comments on this particular post. Rather, read the comments that come from the subsequent post if you want to see what I talk about the things that are skewed within the lessons that are being taught in the church: http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=8731#comments)

I in no way want this to be misconstrued into thinking that I somehow have a problem with the Law of Chastity. I don't think it is archaic. I don't think it is an impossible standard. I do think that because we live in a world where sex and sexuality is constantly bombarding us... where we have to live inside our own heads that don't let us forget that we naturally have desires and inclinations... that we can set this topic aside and hope that young women are taught by someone else, or that they will naturally figure it all out without being traumatized by some of the stories and object lessons that they hear.

Of course, not everyone will be scarred by the way they learned about the Law of Chastity and sex. I certainly don't think I was. But I do remember when the newer edition of the For the Strength of Youth came out and I was aghast about the new rule that we were not allowed to wear sleeveless shirts and dresses. My mom had never allowed me to wear spaghetti strap shirts, but I was used to wearing shirts that had two or three inch (wide) straps. I remember complaing that, "No guy is going to be turned on by my SHOULDER! Really! My shoulder?!"

Taking the Lord's Name

Written in the 10 Commandments is that we should not take the Lord God's name in vain. Growing up, I was always taught that that meant not swearing and not using God's name as an exclamation or expletive. 

In Sunday School today, I was given a little more insight to this commandment. When we are baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ, we are also covenanting to take upon the name of Jesus Christ. We renew this covenant with Him every Sunday when we partake of the sacrament.

"O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he has^[3] given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen." (Book of Moroni 4:3, Doctrine and Covenants 20:77)

To me that means, that when we fail to keep the commandments and go against the word of God, we are also taking His name in vain.

Perhaps everyone else already realized this, but to me, this is new and profound. It is not something I've ever thought of before. How grateful I am to have the Atonement, for the sacrament, and for Jesus Christ, so that when I do take God's name in vain, I can be forgiven.

Fan Club

Today during Relief Society, a member of the bishopric asked if he could set me apart for my calling. What, like I was going to say no? I never remember to get set apart for my callings, so if the bishopric forgets, then it usually doesn't happen. I didn't know if being Visiting Teaching Supervisor was a calling or an assignment, so I didn't worry about it. So I was set apart and then he gave me a quick blessing that I just felt, was really inspired. The wording that he used and the promises he gave were exactly the sort of thing I needed to hear, and what I need in my life. And it is just a testimony to me that the Lord knows us, our hearts, our desires, and our needs so personally.

Which went along with the theme of Sacrament meeting and the Relief Society lesson, which was on loving ourselves the way God loves us. After Brother Christensen shook my hand (after I had wiped my little tears, since I can't receive a priesthood blessing without crying, it seems), he told me that he wished there were 20 clones of me, thanked me for accepting the calling and being me and all these flowery, puffy things that while I think they are fairly ludicrous, I truly believe he is sincere when he is saying it. 

And then after Relief Society, two girls came up to me and asked me if I had been the one that made a certain comment in November. When I told them I was, they went on to tell me that they talk about me a lot (it can't be that much) whenever they talk about this ward. Mostly because they noticed that we all seem to make fun of the same things and whenever they looked up from laughing about one thing or the other, they would see that we (Melissa and me) were laughing about the same thing. They were telling me that I was funny, that they are still laughing at my jokes and that they thought I was cool. 

Puff puff.

How can I not love myself after such positive affirmations today? I feel unworthy, of course, but also very gratified, and.... it just makes me laugh! I love it.

I Am a Child of God (and You are, too)

One of the questions asked today in Sunday School was, "How does hearing that you are a Child of God, affect the way you think about yourself and the way you live?"

One of the first songs we are taught in primary is I am a Child of God.

As a member of the Church, by the time you are my age, you have sung this song and heard various versions featuring descants, etc. hundreds of thousands of times. Since everyone knows it, it is the go-to song when you don't have hymnals, or a pianist, when you need a special musical number (like the Relief Society sang today...).

Anyway, back to the question. Usually when a teacher asks a question, I think of an answer regardless of whether or not I intend to share it with the class. My answers immediately turned toward the young woman value of Divine Nature....and then I really began to think.

I recently read an article that talked about why fewer and fewer devout (Evangelical) Christians are waiting for marriage before they start having sex. The author asked if setting that standard for Christian youth was out of date, irrelevant, or pointless and the comments were rather disheartening. It is well-known that the world's standards and morality have had a complete shift toward more baser and carnal instincts. The majority of the comments had an attitude that saving sex for marriage was not only archaic, but stupid and they showed that they have little or no understanding of how sacred sex can be when it preserved to take place between husband and wife.

From the article:

Scot McKnight, author of “The Jesus Creed,” and "One.Faith: Jesus Calls, We Follow," acknowledges that young, single Christians face temptations that their counterparts in the biblical age didn’t face.

He  tells Relevant:

Sociologically speaking, the one big difference – and it’s monstrous – between the biblical teaching and our culture is the arranged marriages of very young people. If you get married when you’re 13, you don’t have 15 years of temptation.

It's through this justification, and many others, that the commenters basically conclude that pastors (and I would say, Bishops) should stop worrying about preaching about chastity. The world is all about instant gratification. As one blogger writes,

 I’m convinced we are a generation that has abandoned the concept of delayed gratification. Everything is instant. I like a song, I download it online. I want to talk to someone, I send a text. I have a thought, I update my status on Twitter. I want to have sex, I call up ol’ boy. We’re so: Think it, want it, get it, got it, next! that sometimes we don’t even stop to consider the consequences of our reckless actions.

There is nothing wrong with temptation. That's part of the tests we face in this life. The purpose of our mortal life is to be tested, and to remember that "There hath no temptation ^ataken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be ^btempted above that ye are able; but will with the ^ctemptation also make a way to ^descape, that ye may be able to ^ebear it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

President Gordon B. Hinckley gave a beautiful talk called Stay on the High Road  in May 2004 (READ IT!) and said:

To accomplish His plan of happiness, the Great Creator planted within us an instinct that makes boys interested in girls and girls interested in boys. That powerful inclination can lead to beautiful experiences, or it can lead to terribly ugly experiences. As we look out over the world, it seems that morality has been cast aside. The violation of old standards has become common. Studies, one after another, show that there has been an abandonment of time-tested principles. Self-discipline has been forgotten, and promiscuous indulgence has become widespread.

But, my dear friends, we cannot accept that which has become common in the world. Yours, as members of this Church, is a higher standard and more demanding. It declares as a voice from Sinai that thou shalt not indulge. You must keep control of your desires. For you there is no future in any other course. I should modify that to say that the Lord has provided for repentance and forgiveness. Nonetheless, yielding to temptation can become like a wound that seems never to heal and always to leave an ugly scar. 

Shortly after I read the first article, I was having a discussion with my mom about Troy High School's forthcoming midwinter dance. In an effort to clean up the school dances, THS put out a form that each student had to sign before purchasing tickets. This came in the wake of the fact that during the homecoming dance, very immoral, very disturbing things were happening. Instead of an innocent high school dance (which, let's be honest, how many high school dances are really, truly innocent?) it was a raunch-fest, where girls, sans underwear, wearing incredibly short dresses were bending over, allowing guys to.... anyway, we don't need the images to understand the point. These are CHILDREN! and they were allowed to dance in such a way that is not appropriate for adults. The worst part of this story is that, the kids at the school are now boycotting the midwinter dance because they do not want to be held accountable to these standards. They wish to hold their own dance off of school premises, and their parents are in full support of this behavior -- and I suspect probably more.

I think I have touched a little bit on this before on my blog, but I feel very strongly about it, so I thought I would mention it again -- We need to hold ourselves, (and where applicable) our children and mostly ourselves accountable and to a higher standard then we have been doing! If we do, we prove that these standards are not only relevant, but worthy goals of how to live our lives.

So what does this have to do with being a Child of God?

As I was sitting in Sunday School, I felt firm testimony that knowing my divine heritage and understanding who I am as a daughter of God, helps me to meet the expectations that Heavenly Father has set for me. With the knowledge of my divine nature, I can go forth and set higher standards for myself and meet them, knowing that the Plan of Salvation, the commandments and the Atonement of Jesus Christ were set in place so that I can become more like my Father in Heaven. This is truth. Commandments do not become archaic. They do not become irrelevant. They were not set up for the Israelites, thousands of years ago. We are held accountable, even still. President Hinckley went on in his talk to say:

...I do not wish to be regarded as a killjoy. I do not wish to be thought of as an old man who knows nothing about youth and their problems. I think I do know something about these things, and it is out of my heart and my love that I plead with you to stay on the high road. Create fun with your good friends. Sing and dance, swim and hike, become involved in projects together, and live life with zest and excitement....

....Never assume that you can make it alone. You need the help of the Lord. Never hesitate to get on your knees in some private place and speak with Him. What a marvelous and wonderful thing is prayer. Think of it. We can actually speak with our Father in Heaven. He will hear and respond, but we need to listen to that response. Nothing is too serious and nothing too unimportant to share with Him. He has said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28). He continues, “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt. 11:30).

I know that as Children of God, we are blessed with a marvelous gift of agency to choose right and wrong. We are not just carnal bodies that are doomed to fall into the sins of this world. We have the choice to rise up, to say no, to turn away and choose a different course than those that would give in to temptation. And we must.

Commitment

Yesterday at church, we had a combined meeting where the Bishop's wife talked about commitment. When she first opened up the discussion, I thought she was going to talk about commitment to a spouse or something like that, but it turned in to something much different. She opened up by asking what we thought of when we heard the word commitment, especially commitment to the Lord. Most the comments were really good, but they were very positive and if you had listened to those making the comments, you might not think that my generation and the generations after me were commit-a-phobes. Because that's all I could think. Fear of commitment. Lack of commitment. Inability to commit.

I've had the Judds' Grandpa song in my head all day.



One guy in the class talked about his job where he basically enforces contracts. He told us how people call wanting to cancel their contract, all the time, thinking that it's no big deal. And that's the world we live in. People sign a housing contract, a phone contract or a marriage contract, thinking that if things get too tough, or if they find something better, or if they just don't want to do/try/etc. anymore, they can just walk away.

I never hear people talk of honor. I think, (not that historical novels are much base for accurate representation of the past) that once upon a time, honor was something people were willing to die for. I tie commitment and honor together, because those who are committed to be honorable are the very best sorts of people. When searching for quotes on honor and commitment, it didn't surprise me that the majority of them came from people that were in 1925 or before.

This all comes out as Kim Kardashian, just two months after her ostentatious wedding, filed for divorce from her husband. Two months is short even for Hollywood standards, and I think that it is just plain ridiculous. Marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment, at least. I guess since no one knows what a commitment is anymore, I shouldn't be surprised, but it makes me sick that because some rough patch (and if it is the stress of "not cutting it on the TV show" or whatever thing that is clearly self-inflicted through selfishness) comes up, it's time to quit. No. It's not time to quit. You work through it. You see counselors. You remember why you agreed to the commitment in the first place. You don't quit. You don't throw your hands up and say, "This is hard! I'm through!" You do the honorable thing, because “Honor isn't about making the right choices. It's about dealing with the consequences.”

(I know that sometimes divorce is necessary. I was a huge advocate for my sister getting out of her marriage from her husband, even after she found out she was pregnant. There are some marriages that don't work out because of one reason or the other.)

In the Church, we are all given assignments or callings where we have the opportunity to serve in some capacity for our ward. In Single's Wards, a lot of the callings are made up, and just excuses to get people to work together on a committee. For instance, I'm on the spiritual living counsel. I help organize a prayer meeting on Sundays, munch-n-mingles, etc. When we receive the calling, we're asked if we will accept it. So even on days that I don't want to go to Ward Prayer, I go. And even though it's hard to plan and orchestrate a dinner for some unknown number of people, I do. My co-chair doesn't seem to have the same level of commitment, as evidenced by his not showing up to ward prayer for weeks in a row; not returning text messages when trying to coordinate the activity; he didn't give a damn that he left me all alone until the day of the event.

And even for that same event, I had some 18 people sign up to make chili for the chili cook-off. I sent reminders out on Wednesday or Thursday. I had two people let me know that they wouldn't be able to make a chili. One was in response to the reminder. The other was on Sunday a few hours before the cook-off. The ones that frustrated me -- saddened me -- were the ones who signed up and showed up, bearing nothing in arms. What a contrast to the one guy who signed up and ended up not going to the cook-off, but still made the chili and dropped it off at my apartment. Now that's commitment! Or better still, the ones who did what they said they would do.

One of the comments made in our meeting was about how we are all so attached to our cell phones, which has made it easier for us to shoot out a quick text that says, "Hey, I actually can't make it tonight," or "I'll be late," or whatever. I am the absolute worst about being on time, but I make sure I RSVP and do my best to follow through. (I won't go in to how much I hate the "maybe" option on Facebook invitations and the people who are cruel enough to use them. Or the ones that just don't respond at all. Seriously, people? RSVP!!!)

Weekend Update

Friday, Melissa had some friends over and we sat around and talked for a little while, but then they left to attend a concert. Melissa and I were trying to come up with something to do, but both of us were fairly exhausted. We didn't want to be lame by going to bed at 9:00 p.m. on a Friday night, so we read from A Compendium of Kisses. Really, Melissa was sleeping and I was cracking up over my inability to read out loud. Butchering words led to more laughter, which led to Melissa waking up long enough to see tears running down my face and her gasping and me wheezing... and finally we decided that we had enough and it was time for bed.

Saturday I woke up for a RS breakfast. We had French toast, which I sort of have a weakness for. And then I didn't do much until I headed up to South Jordan to meet up with Lauren. We went to an improv comedy show. I like improv, and I respect people who are able to be funny on the spot. That's not an easy thing to do. Provo has Comedy Sports, which is big on BYU/LDS culture and has a very defined theme and set up. It has its own venue. Push My Button is not as organized. They perform in a small coffee shop. They rely a little too much on audience participation, which led to some pretty strange and too elaborate prompts. There were some really funny parts, but for the most part, it wasn't that entertaining. They roped me in to "playing a game for prizes", and I won the Halloween trivia (answering 5 out of the 6 questions quicker than my opponent). Only... they gave the runner up a gift card to Applebees, and the winner got two free tickets to their next show.

...Ok.

Anybody want two free tickets to see Push My Button next month? Let me know.

Utah roads are an absolute mess right now. And on my way home from South Jordan, I had to navigate my way through all the detours and orange barrels. It was confusing and frustrating. They had closed the on-ramp to I-15, so I had to go up and around on a road that wasn't clearly marked as the detour, and I was only guessing where I needed to turn. Luckily, I guessed correctly. When I made it to Utah County, they had closed down the highway to one lane, and all I saw was red brake lights, so I decided to get off at American Fork and go down State Street. Unfortunately, I think I picked the worst exit to get off. There were two detours to take you to 500 East and back to the freeway. Then, because of the Haunted Forest, there were hundreds of cars wherever there weren't orange barrels. I got temporarily lost, guessed my way to State Street, and headed home... of course, that took a bit of time because State Street is down to one lane as well. Sigh.

Sunday we had stake conference. Both Melissa and I dragged ourselves there. The first meeting was fairly unremarkable, except, one of the speakers (the wife of one of the high councilmen that serve in our stake, approximately 45-years old) decided to talk to just the girls; she said that she was sad that the guys seem to get ripped in to every general conference, and that they were all great and wonderful and stuff like that. The girls needed a little constructive criticism; according to her, we need to "be less picky and more submissive". She didn't explain enough to know if that is what she actually meant -- if she actually wanted us to go back 200 years before women had rights and were imprisoned in insane asylums for speaking against their husband's ideals (I'm reading a book on one such case right now) or if she just wanted us to.... what? I don't know.

The usher didn't have a hunchback, or a droopy eyelid.

 

 

 

 

The second session was better in way of speakers, but worse in the fact that there were a whole lot more distractions. The first meeting met in an auditorium. The second in a double chapel with hard folding chairs and an overheated gym. There was an usher who reminded me of Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame...he had really crazy, buggy eyes. And he just walked up and down the gym floor, hunting anyone down who wasn't in a seat and making sure we were packed in there like sardines. We had sad next to a bigger guy from our ward, and spaced the chairs perfectly, and along comes Quasi, and he makes us move down, making everyone uncomfortable and then continued to patrol the area so that we were afraid to move again. We did, though, during the intermediate hymn, finding our original places much more comfortable. He was so distracting, though. And every time he walked by, we wanted to punch him.

The speakers were better this time around. I really do like our stake presidency. They are good men. One of them is actually my mom's old seminary teacher from high school! Crazy, right? He's my favorite. And our stake president is Canadian, and really funny. He stands up and tells us how grateful he is to have his "first wife" in the audience. Then, he had to clarify that she is his only wife. He told us about this weird, old many that used to live in his ward boundaries that they used to make fun of. "We all have trials," he said, "some of us are heavy and weird and that's our trial." He then went on to say that this man moved to be close to the temple in Cardston, Canada, and did some 200,000 ordinances before he died in his early 80s. President Hatch talked about how this man, who didn't have a lot of friends and family on his earthly life, was probably heralded in to heaven by the 200,000 souls he did temple work for. The amount of awe and respect in President Hatch's voice was enough to know that he regretted having made fun of this strange individual, who obviously amounted to much more.

President Hatch also talked about the people that go in to talk to him before they get married, or as individuals, and express fears about the future. I guess it isn't surprising that my peers are all worried about what the world has to offer them. They are afraid to have children because the moral standard of the world continues to decline; the economy is never stable; divorce rates continue to rise; etc. etc. etc. He told us, "You have the brightest of futures of anyone on the history of this earth. You have more good and more joy to look forward to. Yes, there will be trials. But, miracles are born out of trails and sacrifice."

The whole time I was listening to his talk, though, I was thinking that I'm not scared to get married. I'm not scared to have children. I am not worried about how I would support a family -- I know that God sustains us. I am scared about the future, though. Because I'm scared of having a future where I am alone. For some reason, a lonely future sounds neither bright or joyful.

After conference, I went home and made pumpkin pies. They turned out delicious. I know, because I had some for breakfast. I'm pretty pleased with the crust, which we all know is one of the hardest things to pull off, and I didn't over or under bake them. Now, I just have to decide if I am going to share, or if I am going to devour them all up myself.

How old was Alma the Younger?

In today's Relief Society lesson, we were discussing the responsibility of family members and one of the things that we read mentioned how we are responsible for fasting and praying for our family.

The story about Alma the Younger was then brought up.

The Book of Mormon tells us how the prayers of a father helped a rebellious son return to the ways of the Lord. Alma the Younger had fallen away from the teachings of his righteous father, Alma, and had gone about seeking to destroy the Church. The father prayed with faith for his son. Alma the Younger was visited by an angel and repented of his evil way of living. He became a great leader of the Church. (See Mosiah 27:8–32.)

As we read this, I thought about my uncle who was excommunicated from the church, and then took X amount of years (decades) to come back. And I thought very specifically about my brother who has been struggling since he was 14 with all sorts of problems. And I wondered, How old was Alma the Younger?

Whenever I've read the story about Alma Jr., I always thought of him as a young man. Out and about pranking people... like the rebellious teenager that is being bad just to be bad and tries to get everyone else to laugh at his shenanigans. But he is called Alma the Younger because he is the son of Alma the Elder. So that doesn't mean that he was young, just that he was younger than his father. Obviously.

So my perspective has changed. Perhaps Alma the Elder had been fasting and praying not for just a couple of weeks or months as he saw his son go about and try to draw people away from the Church of Christ, causing problems and making poor decisions. He could have been praying for years. And years. And maybe more years than any parent should have to pray for their wayward children.

I bet Alma the Elder got really frustrated with his son. I bet there were times when he didn't think that he'd ever see the day that his rebellious son would ever get his act together. And I bet he wondered what he did as a parent to make his son behave that certain way.

But you know what? I bet with all that time that Alma the Younger spent fighting against the church and against God, I think he brought a different perspective to the table once he finally realized what he was fighting against.

After all of that praying and fasting, Alma finally saw the light. He repented. And he became a really great man and leader of the church. He could have been fairly old by then. We don't really know. At least I don't, because I'm not much of a scriptorian, and I've never been told otherwise.

And I think, it gave me just a little bit more hope for my brother. Because, even at 21, he has his whole life ahead of him and can get his act together eventually. I think I do have faith that even if he doesn't fully make his way back to church, he can turn his life around and see the benefit of living a fully healthy and productive life. And I know that it will take many more prayers and fasting, but along with that, patience, and faith in the Lord and in him.

Staying Good Forever

Every Sunday (EST) in my Google Reader, I get the newest posts on Postsecret.com (PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.) 


Today this was one of the post cards.


For all the members of the church who read my blog, I'm curious as to what you would tell this person if it were someone who were close to you, admitting that they didn't believe they could be "good" or, as I'm interpreting it, faithful in living the gospel "forever". 


I guess I wonder what the thing or things are that are enticing him/her to think that eventually they will stray... But I guess that isn't really my business anyway. 


I would tell them something along the lines of:


We will all screw up. We all make mistakes. But we have to keep going, keep trying to be the best we can be. And in the end... I don't think there will be nearly as many regrets as we imagine there will be. It will be worth it. It has to be worth it. You. Can. Do. It.

A Cheap Imitation

I've been meaning to write this post forever, but haven't been able to sit down and put it in to the words necessary to deliver the impact it hit me with.

We were discussing in Church the Spirit (a.k.a. the Holy Ghost, the third member of the Godhead, the Comforter, etc. etc.) and how it is felt by everyone differently, but generally it is described as being a warm feeling, good feeling.

For me, I feel the Spirit testifying that Christ is my Savior, that the Church teaches the true principles of Jesus Christ. I feel it through music and when I'm listening to the prophets and apostles. I've felt the presence of the Holy Ghost when I've prayed for comfort or strength or reassurance. I've felt it when I needed to know that God loves me and is aware of me.

As I sat there and thought about how the Holy Ghost's presence has influenced me and my life, someone said, "What to you think it feels like to do drugs? What do you think Satan is trying to do - if not imitate that which our Heavenly Father has given us?"

A week later, we were in our dating, marriage and family relations class listing the difference between lust and love. We've done this several times throughout my years growing up in the church, but one of the guys raised his hand and said that his father always taught him that "lust was a cheap imitation of love."

Lust is another way that Satan imitates the sacred things that our Heavenly Father has given us on this earth to provide peace, comfort, joy and happiness.

That Sneaky Devil! 

For some reason that really impacted me. I've thought about all those comments that go along the lines of, "If it's wrong - how come it feels/tastes/seems so good?"

I guess I never really knew the answer until now.

Of course it feels good. It is meant to. Whether by divine design (sex, etc.) or through chemical reactions in our body (drugs, etc.), these things are going to feel good and do things to us that we want to recreate. Just like we want to recreate the way we feel when we are sitting in serenity enjoying nature, or the powerful testimony of a chorus, or the peace we feel in the temple. And since Satan can't recreate peace, serenity and joy - he's just found ways to emulate as best he can, deceiving us as we go out and search for these feelings, and often creating an addiction on the way.

With sex, it is meant to be good because it was designed to be something that brings a husband and wife together. There is a time and place for it, and it is going to be pleasurable and something that wants to be done more than once (or so I hear.... *insert sardonic tone here*).

Opening Avenues

Yesterday at Church we were talking about missionary work.

The LDS Church has always been a church with missionaries. There were missionaries in Christ's established Church before the apostasy, and when the gospel was restored to the earth, it wasn't long before missionaries were called to go out and proselyte.

And while we do have some 60,000 full-time missionaries around the globe teaching about the restored gospel, we are also taught as members to open up avenues whereby we can talk about our faith. With technology and the internet and media coverage, there has been a lot of opportunity to bring up the church and talk about what I/we believe in and how it affects our lives.

It was just yesterday, though, that Melissa and I were thinking about how to meet more people - specifically guys - in order to open up our social circles, that I realized that missionary work and dating are very similar.

With both activities, you have to be on the constant lookout for opportunities to meet and talk to new people. Without being pushy or desperate, you have to be able to bring up the conversation and direct it towards a path that opens up a person's mind and makes them ask questions. Are Mormons Christians? What does it mean to be "sealed" to someone? What does she like to do for fun?

Both are personal and can be awkward and misconstrued into something that it never was meant to be. 

With missionary work, I can put my testimony and my beliefs on my blog and hope that someone will read them and not judge me - or think that I am judging them - and if they have questions, they know they can ask. I think it is easier to delve into interesting theological questions and if talking to someone, you can part with a respectful "agree to disagree" and continue on your merry way.

With dating, you have to go through the process of finding someone and selling yourself through a series of general, bland questions. It's a huge obstacle for me to overcome, because I'm terrible at small talk! There is nothing very interesting about me within the first five minutes of meeting me. My sparkle all comes from me being able to talk about whatever in front, without fear of being judged or condemned for being a little bit quirky -and maybe a little bit like a crazy person? (LO SIENTO! (sorry, only Melissa and our neighbor Sean will get that!)) I think I have some fairly interesting things to say; I'm fun! and funny! But most people aren't going to see that within the first meeting or two. Or if we never get past the da-darn small talk phase!

Another problem for us, is that now that we are graduated, we don't have as many opportunities to meet people. Melissa works in an office of women, and I work in an office full of married men. Outside of our ward, where are we supposed to meet new people? Where do people outside of church meet new people?
I suppose there is the stereotypical bars and clubs... but I'm honestly at a loss. 

We decided to ask our bishop's wife last night. She recommended a few places: institute, co-ed softball and maybe taking up a dance/art class at the community center.

I can't say that any of those things appeal to me. Institute is quiet-time. There isn't a lot of time to meet people, and even if you do stay and socialize for a minute afterward... see above paragraph. I don't know that I've ever gotten past small talk in a setting like that. Dance and art classes that are available will be filled with middle-aged moms. I am generally a hit with middle-aged moms, but since that isn't really what I'm going for, I don't see how it can help in the dating department. I am interested in taking a pottery class, though - I'm not going to lie. And softball. Now, this might be a good idea. 

It's probably a really good idea. Only 1) I suck at softball and 2) I'm pretty sure you have to have your team already put together before you can enter in to the league. If you do BYU intramurals,  then you are still limited to those in your ward; and if you are trying to put together a team, then you are limited to who you already know.... So unless you are joining your friend's team filled with available men, who don't mind if you compromise their talent, then, as good as an idea it is, you probably aren't going to be successful.

General Conference - Sunday Session

If anybody wondered why I had notes from Saturday and not Sunday (I'm sure you didn't, really) never fear! I have Sunday notes, I just didn't take them on the computer. Which, of course, means that I was more selective about what I wrote down. I can't write as fast as I type, so I missed a lot of really, really good lessons and inspiring messages.

Plus, I'm not too ashamed to admit that I was mildly distracted by one of the cutest babies of my acquaintance. 

Owen Cook - 1 year old (tomorrow!)

I guess it is lucky that we will be studying these things in church for the next six months and have access to them online and in the Ensign.

Morning Session

Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Testimony isn't what it used to be (like the experiences recorded in the scriptures). If we are waiting on the road to Damascus - if we are looking for the Heavens to open - then we will be detained in gaining our own testimony. We need to move forward with faith. The Spirit speaks in ways that we can only hear in our hearts.

If we are only thinking of ourselves, we may miss the most powerful spiritual experiences. We may miss some of the most profound revelations.

He entrusts the truth with those who would share it. "Preach the gospel at all times, and on occasion - use words."

Paul V. Johnson
Earth life is the perfect place to experience and pass the tests of life. Personal growth is the intent of trials.

Being "good" is not enough. We want to become like the Savior - who was perfect.

The darkest, most dangerous, events bring breathtaking and marvelous blessings.

David A. Bednar
The Spirit of Revelation is likened unto a sunrise, the gradual process of the sin rising. There is evidence hours before the sun actually begins to rise. It is not always like going in and turning on the light in a dark room - where the second you flip the switch, you have instant light.

Some underestimate their spiritual capacity because they don't experience frequent, powerful revelations and marvelous manifestations.

President Thomas S. Monson
Temples are more than stone and mortar.

We must always have the temple in our sights, and do nothing that will bar us from its doors.

Afternoon Session

Richard G. Scott
A woman grows and is greatly influenced by expressions of love.

"Marriage provides a setting where you can overcome selfishness."

You will receive every promised blessing you are worthy to receive.

D. Todd Christofferson
God has high expectations for us. He wants us to experience ultimate joy. His role does not include being a butler - where we can summon and command at our will. He is not only a therapist, to go to and sit back and only listen.

God chastens the ones He loves; and if we willingly accept or seek correction, we may become perfect. God considers us worth the time and effort to correct.

Carl B. Pratt
The Lord remembers His promises when we pay our tithing. We should know the commandments, liken them unto us - and live them.

Lynn G. Robbins
To be and to do. If we do without being, we are hypocrites. If we are being without doing, it is a shortcoming.

"To Dos" are something that can be done and checked off; but "To Bes" are lists that are never done. We must continue to work on them.

C. Scott Grow
When we sin, Satan tells us we are lost. But we have the Atonement of Jesus Christ, to bring us back. He is never so far away that we cannot return to Him.

Jeffrey R. Holland
Conference brings mortal messengers with angelic messages - to "comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." (Harold B. Lee, I think)