Monday, July 28, 2014


Since I was asleep for these conversations, I can't very well attest to the accuracy of the retelling.

These past weeks my mom, and then my two sisters and niece visited Utah. (Let's not discuss how a new job and moving took all the fun of their visit and turned it into a few stolen hours together, since it makes me a little sad.)

Between sleeping at my house, my friend Meghan's house, my grandparents', and my uncle's house, we've all been sleeping in pairs in different beds. For the record, Kiki's body temperature runs at approximately 112 degrees. She is a furnace.

Since I sleep alone, I have no one to tell me of the weird things that happen at night. Do I have crazy stressful dreams that make me flail and kick? I don't think so . . .? But I can't ever be sure. (Evidence suggests that this is not likely the case.) I do know that I dream vividly. Which might account for me sitting up one night in a panic and saying, "Mom! There's a bug!"

She asked, "Did you see it?"


"Did you feel it?"


"Then go back to sleep!" My mom was not about to search for a bug in the middle of the night if there was no evidence that said bug existed.

"Ok. Maybe I just saw it under my eyelid."

Apparently I was very convincing as having been entirely awake during this episode, since my mother only casually mentioned it the next day, as if I had any idea as to what she was talking about.

I didn't.

I'm still not 100% convinced that it happened. But she claims that it did, and it was pretty funny.

Apparently, I woke Mackenzie up one night, insisting that she move over because she was a "little furnace". At least I was nice about it? I still remember a time when Amy decided to wake me up because I had crossed the line into her territory with a firmly placed foot in the center of my back!


I'm sitting at my uncle's house, who is a bishop in our church and he has paraphernalia all over. We bless every meal, and say family prayer at night and it is really nice. I sat down at his computer, and he had open, and so on a whim I decided to peruse around the site, because I don't log on except to access my scriptures in Sunday School once a week and it'd been a while since I had really looked at the site.

I was struck with how much doesn't seem to be applicable to me and my current stage in life. As a late-twenty something, I don't fit the mold that most of my peers do. I'm still single. And I don't have kids.

So articles about raising kids, or nourishing marriages don't apply to me. Even under the resources page, there are things specifically for home and family, marriage, children, youth . . . (welfare, but that doesn't apply to me either).

I'm not saying that I don't find things in the church that aren't relevant to me--I'm obviously still in the church, and I'm not going anywhere. For all that I find fault in, I find 100 other reasons to stay. I love the gospel and there is hope and peace to be found in it.

But sometimes its exhausting. It's exhausting trying to find a place where you don't fit the standard mold. It's exhausting trying to see through the culture to get to the doctrine. And every time I go to a family ward, I feel even more weary.

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