Monday, September 29, 2008
I'm not really sure how to write this post; but I would be ungrateful not to do it, and so I have to use my mediocre writing skills and attempt to put my feelings down.
I have discussed how amazing my family is before. How can I emphasize just how much of a blessing they are in my life? I don't think I can. I just want whoever reads this to understand how much I love and appreciate my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, and my parents. They are the reason I am where I am and the reason I'm doing what I'm doing. (I only give them credit for the good things in my life, though. Everything that has been bad is either my own doing or just a lesson to be learned.)
Attending BYU has been, for me, a given since I was in 6th grade and making my Life Plan. And though my "Life Plan" has changed quite a bit, the fact that I wanted to graduate from BYU has not. Every semester is a struggle. Whether it has been battling depression, disastrous work schedules, family drama, roommate drama... I have been working for four years trying to make it through (I did take a year off... I'm not too far behind, I promise. It seems like its been forever to me, too) to graduation. As I have conquered each and every one of these problems, or learned how to deal with them, I've had two very important crutches helping me through.
1. Heavenly Father and the Savior. I could not be writing a post of gratitude without mentioning Him. He is everything. The reason I'm here, for real - take that however you want because whether here means on this planet, in Utah, at BYU, still active in church, or even alive... it is because of Him and His love for me.
2. My family. I don't know what I would have done without the love and support from them. By example, by encouragement, and by their pocketbooks... it is literally taking the whole group to get me through school. It's embarassing, and it's overwhelming, and I am absolutely... indebted to you. Thank you. Thank you a million times. I don't know what I would have done. I don't know how I would have survived. You are truly the most wonderful, amazing, generous... the list goes on. Thank you. I can't say it enough. I can't tell you how your generosity and love and support mean and have affected me. I'm moved. I'm touched, and I'm absolutely completely grateful.
I love you guys, so much.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
1. My roommates
2. Fall weather - and all the amazing things to come (i.e. parties galore, trip to Idaho, my birthday, Thanksgiving in Sacramento, Christmas...)
3. Dreaming about the future
1. Being stuck in Utah for the rest of my life
2. Not being able to accomplish all my goals
3. Being fired from my job before I'm ready to go
1. GRADUATE... hopefully in 2 semesters :)
2. Go to Scotland/Ireland... Europe
3. Find a job that allows me to travel!
3 Current Obsessions
1. Scotland, especially Scottish men... :)
2. Writing my book
3. Dreaming about traveling and graduation
3 Facts About Yourself
1. I am left-handed
2. I graduated from high school in 2004, graduated with my AA in 2004, and have been working on my Bachelor's since 2004...
3. I should be working
I tag no one. Steal this if you want to.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Congratulations, you are a blue.
Blues (Motive: Intimacy)
blues are motivated by Intimacy. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give of themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.
blues have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). blues are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
1. Put Your music (in this case my MP3/phone) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. Write that song name down- no skipping!!*
*(I was so tempted to skip, but didn't... so all references to alcohol or like such as, it was on RANDOM, and I could not help it...)
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Just Like Heaven - The Cure
WHAT BEST DESCRIBES YOUR PERSONALITY?
The Secret Life of Daydreams - Dario Marianelli
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Unintended - Muse
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Mr. Bigstuff - Aretha Franklin
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Stab My Back - American Rejects
Worst motto ever... oh well. It is a GREAT song.
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Love Song for No One - John Mayer
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
As Lovers Go - Dashboard Confessionals
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FREQUENTLY?
Calling You - Blue October
WHAT IS 2+2?
It Passes All My Understanding - Cherie Call
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Go-Getter Greg - Ludo
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Perfect Time of Day - Howie Day
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Drunken Lament - Ludo
now how ironic is that?
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Out of My Head - Fastball
I'm pretty much there already
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lonely Day - System of a Down
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Mmmbop - Hanson
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Please - Ludo
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
I Miss You - Blink 182
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Kiss You Better - Maximo Park
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
St. Patrick's Day - John Mayer
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Dirty Dancing - Mya
That's the end? Too bad...
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Passion is something that this country was founded on. There were a bunch of guys who were passionate about establishing a nation where its people could live with freedoms never known before. And have since, fought wars to preserve those freedoms.
Susie Switzer said, “There would be no passion in this world if we never had to fight for what we love.”
But I think, that we are dwindling in passion because we've stopped loving. Does that make sense? It seems that everyone is so wrapped up in themselves, that the only thing they are passionate about are things that aren't important: self-gratifying, superficial...dumb things. We don't love the way people used to love. I have found seldom a work of fiction that takes place in modern times that inspires me the way things written about the Victorian era, or Civil War, or Revolutionary, or Pioneer or Pilgrim times... or any other time but now. Why? I think it's because even though these societies had their problems, they still understood what inspired passion. They still loved.
I'm accused of being dramatic. Nay. I am not dramatic. I am passionate. I LOVE the things I love. And I HATE the things I hate. And I get to angry. And I cry so easily. And basically, I am super emotional. But it all stems from passion...not melodramatics. I think sometimes people don't understand me. But that's ok. I don't understand people. I don't understand when someone says, "I love you," or "I love this..." and then when it is threatened to be taken away, they don't fight for it.
My best example of what I'm trying to get at... My best friend of 10-11 years... the girl I befriended in first grade and did EVERYTHING with until sophomore year of high school... we made plans, we plotted our futures, made promises, everything... and then something happened. We grew apart. It happens to the best of us. I think it happens to all of us. But this girl that I had grown up with and I just stopped. We stopped being friends. And the thing of it is... I just got sick of trying. I had vowed that she and I would be best friends forever. And when I said FOREVER, I meant it. But things that are going to last forever take work. My senior year, we got in a huge fight. I was so angry and so upset, and I asked, "Does that mean we aren't friends anymore?"
What I wanted to hear was, "No, of course that isn't what it means." But instead I got, "If that's how you want it."
If that's how I wanted it. It was as if she didn't care. She wasn't willing to fight for a friendship that had lasted over a decade. She was willing to just let it go and not care about what happened. I'm pretty sure I cried as if she had died. I wanted her to fight. I didn't want her to give up. But she did. I tried hard for about a year... I called her all the time, emailed her, tried to stay friends on MySpace and Facebook. I called her when I came back from school for breaks. But things are different now. We aren't the same people, we didn't continue to grow together.
I feel that there are relationships in my family that are currently going through the same thing. We are drifting apart. And it's as if they're telling me that they no longer want to fight for...anything.
Do you know how often my family uses the phrase, "I don't care." I bet it's at least 10 times a day. I'm so sick of apathy!
And I think that's what I want. What I crave the most... someone who is as passionate as I am. Someone who is willing to fight, because they love. Someone who loves me enough to fight for. I know I'd do it, fight for the one I love. Because I feel like I do it all the time.
Call me dramatic... but I know different. I'm not dramatic at all...
Monday, September 15, 2008
The results of this particular impulsive action was one of the greatest thank you notes I've ever seen appearing in my inbox only days later.
I never do things with EXPECTATIONS of thanks or over zealous stories about how great and wonderful I am. (Though, you have to admit, I'm pretty freakin' awesome!) But I have to say, that when you tell someone that you appreciate something you do - it's what makes it worth it.
I do it, because it makes you happy. And I like to see you happy. So you're welcome.
And thank you for the thank you note, because it totally made my day.
I once quoted my dad in my scriptures (and of course, couldn't find it when I wanted to reference it) about how gratitude is one of the simplest virtues and ingratitude the greatest of vices. I can only say that I totally have a testimony of this. I think that Heavenly Father gets a similar thrill and satisfaction when He does something for us, and we thank Him with all our hearts. I'm sure it only makes Him want to bless us more... because He loves us, and when we appreciate what He gives us, He wants to give us more.
It's a trait I share with Him. It's totally worth it, if it makes you happy. So thanks for telling me.
And thank you to all my friends who have ever done a random act of kindness for me. Thank you for thinking about me, loving me, and supporting me. I truly have the best family and friends I could ask for.
In a related note: I owe a HUGE thank you to my Uncle Craig-dawg and Aunt Elouise. They are two of my most favorite people in the whole world. Having been with me nearly every step of my life, they are like second parents and I just LOVE them so much. While in town this past weekend for a wedding, my Uncle called me and invited me over for a dinner at Grandpa Bullock's. When I showed up, he had decorated the tree with little lantern lights, setting the ambiance of a little Parisian cafe, mixed with a little bit of home - as in, Kentucky Fried Chicken. I don't know if they realize how much I appreciated their kindness, their thinking of me, and their HUGS! I get so homesick sometimes, and it was just...nice, to have family around. The family I grew up knowing. The family that helped raise me. I was missing my dad SO much (don't think I miss you less, Dad...) and to have my uncle there, it was a pretty good substitute. So THANK YOU. I love you.
My Uncle Craig and me in San Diego, March 2007
Friday, September 12, 2008
- I will order anything that has some sort of alcohol in it...or at least be intrigued by it, but I don't drink. Hence the reason I am eating, and enjoying, Bourbon chicken right now. Yum**
- I listen to awesome music.
- The harp upstairs is driving me bonkers.
- I am sincerely afraid of the day my (unborn, future) son wants to be in a musical, show choir, or heaven forbid, a dance team. I would much rather him play football or basketball. I'd even allow soccer or baseball...and watch faithfully. But dance?
- My brother Brad is my favorite kid between the ages of 12-18. He is hilarious, and will be driving soon. I love him to death.
- I should never be allowed in a book store. Unless I have 5 hours or more to occupy.
- I never have 5 hours or more to occupy.
- For one week - I showered every night, read my scriptures, said my prayers, went to bed by 11:00 p.m., woke up on time, went to work on time, and did not feel rested. Last night, I listened to Becca read two verses, cleaned the bathroom, said my prayers, went to bed at 2:30 a.m., and did not hear either of my alarms... this is more typical.
- Lately I've been dreaming about random people from high school... not even ones I was friends with. It's weird.
- I like class. I don't mind working. But I HATE doing both together. Actually, I don't like working. I'd rather be a perpetual student... or have my own garden.
It's not that I'm seeking out alcohol, or the appearance of evil. It's just that when you are watching all the famous cooking shows, the FoodNetwork, etc they use WINE and ALCOHOL for everything. Whether as a drink to enhance their meal, or as an ingredient, it's always used. And since I refuse to have alcohol in my house, I'll never be able to do such things. But you have to admit, the flavor is uncommonly amazing when it is used in food. Therefore, I like to try it, because the alcohol is cooked out (do NOT argue with me on this... it's cooked out. I don't want to hear otherwise).
Besides, I do hardly anything rebellious. But...#11 I am a rebellious spirit. Even if it is only mild compareatively.
So, please... don't be concerned.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Our amazing apartment is in charge of the Spotlight for ward prayer next week, and in an effort to be different and creative, we decided to quiz our dad's and see what they knew about us. It was rather hilarious...
My dad knows what he answered for each question...but I thought I'd give him the RIGHT ones.
1. What is your daughter's favorite band?
- John Mayer, Ludo, Muse
- Also accepted: Armor for Sleep, Michael Buble, Maroon 5, Norah Jones, Boyz II Men, Landon Pigg, Dashboard Confessionals, Coldplay, Weezer, Placebo...etc.
- Dad's answer: Josh Groban
- To be fair... I actually do own two of Josh's CDs, and I like him quite a bit. Though, I wouldn't peg him as a favorite.
- Anywhere outside the U.S.
- Also accepted: UK, Scotland, Ireland, Germany, France, Italy, Greece, Brazil, Peru, Barbados, Jamaica, Bali, Australia, Thailand, etc.
- Dad's answer: Europe!
- You got it right...I want to go to Europe more than I want to go anywhere else in the world. But the country changes almost daily.
- Dad nailed this on the head: reading, writing, pretending to play basketball (really I just LOVE it)
- Also accepted: working, school work, blogging, listening to music, baking, and watching movies.
- Looking at this list, I realize that my hobbies lack in actual ACTIVITY. Guess I need to work on that.
- Some sort of sports event (basketball or football preferred) followed by a long walk.
- Dad's answer: going to a fancy restaurant
- To be fair: That's a good answer. I LOVE trying new places. And I like things to be fancy. I think we seriously lack reasons to get dressed up...
- Someone who is masculine, hilarious, worthy priesthood holder, and ambitious/a provider
- Also accepted: well, there are lots, but those are the main ones
- Dad's answer: Has testimony, is funny, and has common-sense
- Everyone loved that "commen-sense" bit, and it made me laugh. Dad always talks about how it is something his mother tried/did teach him and something I know he tried to teach me. Sometimes I exhibit common sense, othertimes, (like now at 1:30 a.m.) I do not.
- Also, if he happened to referee basketball, that would be quite the icing on the cake!
I LOVE YOU!