Adulthood

The other day I looked in the mirror and told myself to "Stop being timid. Stop feeling unworthy. Stop thinking that somehow you aren't meant to be where you are, with responsibilities, or that you are meant to be below others all the time. It's time to act like the grown-up you are (you are almost 30) and the one you always thought you would be."

Basically, I was telling myself to grow up, and quit feeling like a child. I just can't seem to shake the feeling. Why does adulthood have to be so defined (in my head) with being married, having kids, or owning a house? Or your own car, for that matter. Why is it that whenever I look at my life, I still feel as though I'm playacting and waiting for life to begin? Because I can't check those lists of things off, I somehow am inferior to my peers who can?

I feel so naive, even though I'm not. I feel second- or third-class compared to others.

I find myself shying away from people, as if they are better than me. And I hate that feeling. I'm not ashamed of who I am. And I've accomplished things, have adult responsibilities. And for heaven's sake: I'm 27. Nearly 30.

I can't be anymore adult than I am.

But I still feel like the kid in this picture most days. And I don't know how to shake it.