Monday, March 17, 2014

A New Club

I'm in the planning stages of forming a new club. Similar to the FTC, it will have arbitrary rules that fit at my discretion, and can be changed on a moment's notice.

I'm thinking of calling it something like, "Introverted or Depressed: The Club for People Who Don't Want to Leave Their Beds."

The by-laws are currently being written up, but they'll have headings like the following:

  1. How to avoid pep talks by well-meaning friends
  2. It's OK to cry for no reason
  3. There's always room for chocolate and ice cream, and chocolate ice cream
  4. Why are you wearing a bra?
  5. The hygiene of depression: good for those with no will to live, and also to keep others at bay (for the introverts among us)
  6. When it's appropriate to call in "sick" for work
  7. The bags under your eyes: you're tired for a reason
  8. Becoming a vampire, or, How to avoid the sun
  9. What to do when you HAVE to leave the house
  10. Becoming a hermit, or, How to avoid the human population
  11. What do do when you HAVE to interact with people
  12. The twelves types of fakes smiles, also included, the five fake laughs you must master
It'll be an exclusive club. Not just anyone can join. I am thinking about asking Ally from Hyperbole and a Half to join as an honorary member, just because, you know, she gets it. (Read this:; and then if you really want to take this further - to the advanced course of my club that has yet to be established - you can go here and read: and understand why this girl is really quite perfect for my club.)

When admission applications go out, I'll let everyone know. Until then, let me know if you find a reason or two why you don't need to join my club.

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