Monday, February 09, 2015

Dating Fireside

Guys, yesterday was the best day I've had in a very long time and it is because I found the thing that fuels my hate fire. The dark evil that only makes me stronger. I found it, and it is glorious. And it is:

Bad dating advice. 

I went to a dating fireside last night, and while my companions were mildly optimistic that this "expert" on dating would give us some nuggets of wisdom, I knew that it was going to be delightfully bad. And it was!

We sat on the very back row and easily were the youngest people in attendance (and me, in my 30th year*) and honestly, within three minutes knew that we probably wouldn't get much out of the whole thing. I will say, there were some nuggets of useful information, but mostly, it was just stuff that we have heard for years--which obviously isn't working for us--and things that are common sense.

We live texted all these nuggets in a group text, and I think it was a brilliant idea, because, I think we picked up on some things that were actually useful--or mock-worthy.

Here are the things we learned:

  • Flirting
    • When leaving a conversation with a boy, turn back and look to see if he's still looking at you or if he's moved on. If he's still looking, he's probably interested.
    • Always be a lady
  • General advice, or excellent quotes
    • "Don't give them your best, if they're not willing to invest."
    • "Passiveness is passionless"
      • I actually really agree with this. She is saying that non-responses, and pulling away from things so that there is a lack of passion. And if we are living our lives with passiveness, then we aren't going to find passion--for anything. 
    • Don't start overthinking things until AFTER six weeks
      • I didn't write this down exactly as she said it, but, there is some merit in this advice. A lot of the times, guys accuse girls of jumping the gun and planning the wedding after the second date or some such nonsense. The first six weeks of dating should be low-stress and FUN. If you hit the six week mark, then maybe start analyzing as to whether or not things should continue. Dating should be fun, and she was encouraging of having 4-6 different people that you were dating a month. It's not wrong. With more people on your first and second string, there's less pressure for just one of them to work out. Of course, finding that many people to date at a time is the very definition of easier said than done.
    • Men are sheep -- men want women that other men want
    • It's what you AREN'T doing that is keeping you from dating
    • Don't scrutinize emotions--focus on having fun and relieving pressure
    • Treat this year as your last year of being single
    • Turn boys down with a compliment, tell them they are great and be warm about rejection
  • Your Image
    • Revamp your image [constantly]
    • Spend as much money on yourself as you want a man to spend on you
    • The world has set unfair expectations on women and what is attractive, but we need to strive to meet these ideals, because changing the world is too hard
    • "Feel like a woman, so he will feel like a man!"
    • Get professional photographs taken of yourself and use them for 1) boosting your self-confidence and 2) You OH SO IMPORTANT online dating profile picture
  • 5 Ways** to Motivate men:
    • Image and attraction
    • Make guys "feel good"
    • Go where the singles are: online, grocery store, LDS activities
    • Unclear
    • Unclear
  • 5 Types of Dates that keep things exciting:
    • New and exciting
    • Highly stimulating--dancing, making out
    • Frightening and intimidating
    • Mystery--don't say what you're going to do, just tell them what to wear
    • "I'm putting together fun weekend plans, and want to include you!"
The thing is, as we all know, no one thing works for everyone. The reenactments of how we were supposed to flirt and reject and just act, probably work for a valley girl with only a little self-respect, but I honestly don't know anyone who could organically act that way. Yes, I want someone to like me for who I am, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. We should be our best selves, and constantly striving to be better, but I don't think we have to at the expense of what comes naturally to us.

She was a huge advocate for getting online and doing the online dating scene. And honestly, it feels like that is the only option these days, as our dating culture shrivels and dies. But how depressing! To think that it really has come down to one of the few options for meeting someone new . . .. I wish she had spent more time talking about how to go about being social human beings.

And for fun, Mindy Lahiri, who is my spirit animal:

*I wouldn't have phrased it that way, except I did phrase it that way earlier today and got made fun of. So I'm trying to normalize its use. And also, I have to remind myself that I'm going to be 30 this year, because maybe then it will be something I can easily accept by the time November rolls around. 

**She kept throwing out numbers and lists, but then never actually made it through her lists


  1. I insist on being included on any future group texts that would be this entertaining!!


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