Dating App "Compliments"

When a man tries to kick off a conversation on dating apps with me by saying something like

• You are so gorgeous
• Your pictures turn me on
• Hey, sexy

I think they want me to take it as a compliment. I think they want to fluff my ego a little bit. Make me feel good and receptive to their overtures. Maybe feel inspired to kick off a conversation with them.

It backfires. 

Every. Single. Time. 

But why? Why can't I just take these comments for what they are and ignore how gross they make me feel? Why do I immediately feel like I'm setting them up to be catfished? Or immediately feel defensive?

The problem with comments like these is that they are based solely off of a set of photos.

Photos that I specifically curated to showcase my BEST looks. While they are definitely photos of me, and I don't really think any of them are misrepresenting me (too bad), they are also the very best looks.  

These guys haven't met me in person. They don't know what I look like when I'm walking my dog. Or when I've been doing hot yoga for 90 minutes. Which are arguably times when I absolutely look my worst. Would they still be calling me sexy then? Probably not.

Which means that it all feels like a line. Insincere. Disingenuous. Unbelievable. 

They may as well be leaving comments on Tumblr posts or liking random Instagram accounts of any woman that looks good. The internet is filled with billions of options.

It's just superficial. If there is nothing else in my profile that sparks a talking point, then it's hard to believe that the guy is interested in anything outside of the surface, physical stuff. And if that's the case, I just don't think that there's really a chance for anything to go anywhere.

And it usually doesn't. I don't know how to respond to those "opening lines." Do I just say thanks? I know? You're right? 

Where is the conversation supposed to go from there? 

If I were just looking for hook-ups, maybe this wouldn't bother me so much? Or maybe I would still be irritated by the way I feel objectified on dating apps. Replaceable. Interchangeable.