Thursday, August 26, 2010

Reverse Psychology

Reverse psychology is defined as telling a person something that is the opposite of what you want him to do or believe. German psychologists Adorno and Horkheimer theorized that people respond in an opposite or reverse direction of what they are told, and this theory has been tested and proved since the idea's debut in the late 1970s.

Several of my friends have gotten married this month or gotten engaged and a couple have broken up. All of these status changes have put me in mind of relationships - of the romantic and long-lasting sorts - and how I haven't had much experience with them and how I don't know much about things of this nature, at all. I've also been thinking of how I'm 24 years old and will be turning 25 in just a few short months (I try to forget this last part. Partially because I don't like that I am getting older and not really doing much with my life; but mostly because November means cold weather. I'm dreading the cold weather. While I am not really prepared to be 25, I am even less prepared for snow and coats and winter...*shudder*).

Anyway, the more I've thought about it, the more I've realized that nothing is going to happen until I come to terms with the fact that something might never happen. Not that that is what I really believe, but I am going to have to get to a point where I do believe it...or nothing is ever going to happen. Reverse psychology, see?

The advice you hear from those recently "caught" are the ones who say, "I had just given up," or "I wasn't ready/looking," or "That was the last thing on my mind."

Of course, I've always known this, but thought it was stupid. Because as soon as you want to stop thinking about something, the more you think about it. Just like as soon as you start dieting, you want to eat more Sweet Tooth Fairy cupcakes (yum).  So even when I seem perfectly contented in my single life, which is more often than not, and try to make that step to being completely satisfied with single life... well, the more I realize how my full-sized bed feels like it is a mile wide and the more I resent how truly happy my friends are that are married and the more I get jealous of those that aren't even that happy, but are just in relationships. Lame.

So somehow, I've got to truly and honestly convince myself that I am 100% completely resolved to live the life of a nun. Totally ready to be that somewhat eccentric, overly-happy, self-loving, joy-to-be-around, wants to be the BEST aunt (and only an aunt) for the rest of my days, ambitious, successful, SINGLE career woman, with no thoughts of men, romance, love, companionship, parenthood, partnership, empty bed forever, loneliness, etc.

After this, and only after this, will I find what I am not craving at all. It's like some spiritual journey that involves monks and ancient temples and finding your inner chi, but not. Instead you're finding tickets for one, third-wheel style weekends and way, way too much estrogen in your "much needed" girls' nights.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. The journey of a perfectly contented single life begins with.... what? Someone let me know, so I can get started.


  1. Just loved those last two lines. Great writing.

    You might be on to something with the reverse psychology. Watched pots don't boil, right? But don't you tend to step in mud when you're not looking? I don't really know how any of this works.

    Biggest thing though...when you're 25, 21 seems so long ago, right? And then when you're 30, 25 seems like the Garden of Eden. Point is, it's all a garden, so dig it. Joe Dirt's words to live by.

    Hope you're doing well.

  2. I can't speak from experience, but I think what you do is surrender. You let go of all your expectations about how it is supposed to be and stop thinking about it. Instead, you get out and have fun and do things just for YOU. I've heard that is the best way to meet someone. I don't think it's about being bitter or consigning to a life of singlehood; it's about being content and putting yourself first. :)

  3. On the plus side, it is really nice to sleep in a large bed by yourself. And by the way, I'm turning 27 soon, so 25's not that bad for being single either. Just sayin.


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