Monday, January 02, 2012

Another Hollywood Divorce Makes Me Think

Since California's Proposition 8 several years ago, and then with the passing of legalizing gay marriage in New York, etc. there has been a lot talk about the whether or not marriage is "a white person thing" or if it is an antiquated ritual, or whatever.

A lot of the arguments against gay marriage is that we want to preserve the sanctity of marriage as was given to us by God -- a covenant made between a man and a woman. That's why the Church speaks out against gay marriage. But I read somewhere an article saying that if we want to preserve the sanctity of marriage, we shouldn't be fighting against gay marriage, but no-fault divorces.

The more I've thought about it, the more I agree.

As a society, we've taken the sacredness -- the binding contract that is supposed to last until "death do us part" (or eternity, if sealed in the temple) -- and made it so easy to get out of. There is no preservation of marriage if people can get married for 72 days, decide it's harder than expected or not the fairy tale wanted, and call it quits. How can you say that you've tried, in a little over a month?

I think that all divorce courts should ban no-fault divorces for at least a year, and see what happens. If there is abuse, if there is cheating... please, get out! But, if you are just sick of trying, or whatever number of selfish reasons you are looking for a way out, I think that taking a year (or two or three) to work on the marriage would do it a lot of good and maybe you would realize that you didn't want the divorce after all.

I've had several friends tell me that the first three years of their marriages were the hardest ever and that they were on the brink of divorce at least once during that time. I've had another friend tell me four years into her marriage, that she finally remembered why she had married her husband, because for the past two years she basically hated him. All of them were committed enough to stick it through the rough patches and are now stronger than ever.

I feel like I already blogged about this, and it turns out I did, sort of, here.

One guy in the class talked about his job where he basically enforces contracts. He told us how people call wanting to cancel their contract, all the time, thinking that it's no big deal. And that's the world we live in. People sign a housing contract, a phone contract or a marriage contract, thinking that if things get too tough, or if they find something better, or if they just don't want to do/try/etc. anymore, they can just walk away. 

This all comes out as Kim Kardashian, just two months after her ostentatious wedding, filed for divorce from her husband. Two months is short even for Hollywood standards, and I think that it is just plain ridiculous. Marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment, at least. I guess since no one knows what a commitment is anymore, I shouldn't be surprised, but it makes me sick that because some rough patch (and if it is the stress of "not cutting it on the TV show" or whatever thing that is clearly self-inflicted through selfishness) comes up, it's time to quit. No. It's not time to quit. You work through it. You see counselors. You remember why you agreed to the commitment in the first place. You don't quit. You don't throw your hands up and say, "This is hard! I'm through!" You do the honorable thing, because “Honor isn't about making the right choices. It's about dealing with the consequences.” 
But now I'm thinking about Katy Perry and Russell Brand, who like Kim, got married in a private but elaborate wedding, and a year later, are calling it quits. For some inexplicable reason, I'm actually bummed about this. Maybe it's because I've recently jumped on the Katy Perry fan boat, despite my protestations and efforts not to, or maybe it's because I thought they were so quirky and happy that I just expected them to work.



I don't know why people in Hollywood even bother anymore.

1 comment:

  1. It makes me sad when I hear people say the first so many years of marriage they wanted out... And I just wanted to throw out there it doesn't have to be that way. I really think if you pick the right person and you're main concern is their happiness (and vice versa) marriage is easy and fun and incredibly rewarding. Maybe I'm just lucky, but I really think it's possible for everyone to find that person you don't want to stay mad at, who you don't get sick of, who every day reminds you why you don't want to go through the crapiness life brings without them... All despite their imperfections.

    I know you already know that, but I always wondered why people said it was so hard... And I'm still wondering :)

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