Monday, January 30, 2012

That Ol'Spark

It wasn't too long ago that I was preaching against "THE SPARK". I mocked it. I looked at it with complete disdain. Too many times, I have seen roommates and friends cry over lost opportunities because a guy just didn't feel it. Even more, too many times, I have seen my friends take a perfectly nice, attractive, sweet, generous, thoughtful guy and turn their noses up at them because there just wasn't a spark.

"GIVE THEM A CHANCE!" I would cry, hoping to persuade my friends how little a spark mattered. Didn't they know that guys that are nice, thoughtful and sweet are hard to come by -- ESPECIALLY if he is actively pursuing! Why would you throw that away over some mythical spark?!!

Whether the spark is a myth or not, I guess I cannot really say. But, I now understand why so many people are out looking for it and how it feels to be pursued by someone where you just don't feel.....anything. There has to be chemistry between two people. I'm not saying the instant chemistry where you catch each others' eye for the first time and like animal magnetism, you throw each other against the wall and start making out. I'm talking about a connection between two people that can't be explained, but that exists because on some level, the two of you understand one another in a way that others don't get. Attraction and chemistry aren't the same thing, because I know believe that, while someone can become more or less attractive based on different criteria (personality, sense of humor, wealth, talents, kindness, etc.) chemistry cannot be created where there is none.

I cannot pinpoint a single reason why the necessary oxygen needed to create that tiny spark did not exist. It seemed to have all the right elements. And yet...nothing. The chemistry just wasn't there, and I have the validation. We went on a double date with my roommate, and the lack of chemistry, the lack of a spark, was tangible. It was so obvious to everyone...Except him?

I have no answers. I don't know why I didn't feel anything for this perfectly likeable guy. I know that after five dates, I felt like I had put in enough time to see if I was wrong. And I think that he finally realized it too.

I have new convictions, now. You will not hear me preach against the spark anymore. You will not see me try to convince someone to create chemistry where there is none.


  1. This post makes me happy!!! BUT only because you were preaching to me not too long ago.

  2. oh dating... sometimes i remember what seemed like endless dates, and then miraculously one time it was fun, and it kept being fun, and now i'm married. It still seems crazy.

    I think you're right to not immediately dismiss people because of some idea of a "spark", but you definitely deserve to be attracted to whoever you're dating. Hope you find that soon!


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