What do you fight for?

Today's society is seriously depressing if we think about it. That's a real cheery way to start this post, but it's so true. People care about things that shouldn't matter like whether someone's skin tone is different, their background, or the fact that they don't own something deemed important. And then they are completely apathetic about other things.

Passion is something that this country was founded on. There were a bunch of guys who were passionate about establishing a nation where its people could live with freedoms never known before. And have since, fought wars to preserve those freedoms.

Susie Switzer said, “There would be no passion in this world if we never had to fight for what we love.”

But I think, that we are dwindling in passion because we've stopped loving. Does that make sense? It seems that everyone is so wrapped up in themselves, that the only thing they are passionate about are things that aren't important: self-gratifying, superficial...dumb things. We don't love the way people used to love. I have found seldom a work of fiction that takes place in modern times that inspires me the way things written about the Victorian era, or Civil War, or Revolutionary, or Pioneer or Pilgrim times... or any other time but now. Why? I think it's because even though these societies had their problems, they still understood what inspired passion. They still loved.

I'm accused of being dramatic. Nay. I am not dramatic. I am passionate. I LOVE the things I love. And I HATE the things I hate. And I get to angry. And I cry so easily. And basically, I am super emotional. But it all stems from passion...not melodramatics. I think sometimes people don't understand me. But that's ok. I don't understand people. I don't understand when someone says, "I love you," or "I love this..." and then when it is threatened to be taken away, they don't fight for it.

My best example of what I'm trying to get at... My best friend of 10-11 years... the girl I befriended in first grade and did EVERYTHING with until sophomore year of high school... we made plans, we plotted our futures, made promises, everything... and then something happened. We grew apart. It happens to the best of us. I think it happens to all of us. But this girl that I had grown up with and I just stopped. We stopped being friends. And the thing of it is... I just got sick of trying. I had vowed that she and I would be best friends forever. And when I said FOREVER, I meant it. But things that are going to last forever take work. My senior year, we got in a huge fight. I was so angry and so upset, and I asked, "Does that mean we aren't friends anymore?"

What I wanted to hear was, "No, of course that isn't what it means." But instead I got, "If that's how you want it."

If that's how I wanted it. It was as if she didn't care. She wasn't willing to fight for a friendship that had lasted over a decade. She was willing to just let it go and not care about what happened. I'm pretty sure I cried as if she had died. I wanted her to fight. I didn't want her to give up. But she did. I tried hard for about a year... I called her all the time, emailed her, tried to stay friends on MySpace and Facebook. I called her when I came back from school for breaks. But things are different now. We aren't the same people, we didn't continue to grow together.
I feel that there are relationships in my family that are currently going through the same thing. We are drifting apart. And it's as if they're telling me that they no longer want to fight for...anything.

Do you know how often my family uses the phrase, "I don't care." I bet it's at least 10 times a day. I'm so sick of apathy!

And I think that's what I want. What I crave the most... someone who is as passionate as I am. Someone who is willing to fight, because they love. Someone who loves me enough to fight for. I know I'd do it, fight for the one I love. Because I feel like I do it all the time.

Call me dramatic... but I know different. I'm not dramatic at all...

And that's why it's worth it

I did something on Thursday, totally impulsive and without a lot of thought put into it. I just came up with the idea, and made it happen. I do this on occasion - spending money or taking time I don't have, going out of my way, driving wherever for someone I care about... it doesn't matter, I'm happy to do it.

The results of this particular impulsive action was one of the greatest thank you notes I've ever seen appearing in my inbox only days later.

I never do things with EXPECTATIONS of thanks or over zealous stories about how great and wonderful I am. (Though, you have to admit, I'm pretty freakin' awesome!) But I have to say, that when you tell someone that you appreciate something you do - it's what makes it worth it.

I do it, because it makes you happy. And I like to see you happy. So you're welcome.

And thank you for the thank you note, because it totally made my day.

I once quoted my dad in my scriptures (and of course, couldn't find it when I wanted to reference it) about how gratitude is one of the simplest virtues and ingratitude the greatest of vices. I can only say that I totally have a testimony of this. I think that Heavenly Father gets a similar thrill and satisfaction when He does something for us, and we thank Him with all our hearts. I'm sure it only makes Him want to bless us more... because He loves us, and when we appreciate what He gives us, He wants to give us more.

It's a trait I share with Him. It's totally worth it, if it makes you happy. So thanks for telling me.

And thank you to all my friends who have ever done a random act of kindness for me. Thank you for thinking about me, loving me, and supporting me. I truly have the best family and friends I could ask for.

In a related note: I owe a HUGE thank you to my Uncle Craig-dawg and Aunt Elouise. They are two of my most favorite people in the whole world. Having been with me nearly every step of my life, they are like second parents and I just LOVE them so much. While in town this past weekend for a wedding, my Uncle called me and invited me over for a dinner at Grandpa Bullock's. When I showed up, he had decorated the tree with little lantern lights, setting the ambiance of a little Parisian cafe, mixed with a little bit of home - as in, Kentucky Fried Chicken. I don't know if they realize how much I appreciated their kindness, their thinking of me, and their HUGS! I get so homesick sometimes, and it was just...nice, to have family around. The family I grew up knowing. The family that helped raise me. I was missing my dad SO much (don't think I miss you less, Dad...) and to have my uncle there, it was a pretty good substitute. So THANK YOU. I love you.

My Uncle Craig and me in San Diego, March 2007

*here's a tater, just for you, Craig! :)

10 Things You Didn't Know - but probably suspected

1. I will order anything that has some sort of alcohol in it...or at least be intrigued by it, but I don't drink. Hence the reason I am eating, and enjoying, Bourbon chicken right now. Yum**
2. I listen to awesome music.
3. The harp upstairs is driving me bonkers.
4. I am sincerely afraid of the day my (unborn, future) son wants to be in a musical, show choir, or heaven forbid, a dance team. I would much rather him play football or basketball. I'd even allow soccer or baseball...and watch faithfully. But dance?
5. My brother Brad is my favorite kid between the ages of 12-18. He is hilarious, and will be driving soon. I love him to death.
6. I should never be allowed in a book store. Unless I have 5 hours or more to occupy.
   
7. I never have 5 hours or more to occupy.
8. For one week - I showered every night, read my scriptures, said my prayers, went to bed by 11:00 p.m., woke up on time, went to work on time, and did not feel rested. Last night, I listened to Becca read two verses, cleaned the bathroom, said my prayers, went to bed at 2:30 a.m., and did not hear either of my alarms... this is more typical.
9. Lately I've been dreaming about random people from high school... not even ones I was friends with. It's weird.
10. I like class. I don't mind working. But I HATE doing both together. Actually, I don't like working. I'd rather be a perpetual student... or have my own garden.

**I need to make a clarification. When I talk about ordering anything with alcohol in it, I simply mean that things like, "beer-battered fish" or "creamy Marsala wine sauce" or "Whiskey chicken," "Banana's Foster with spiced Rum"

It's not that I'm seeking out alcohol, or the appearance of evil. It's just that when you are watching all the famous cooking shows, the FoodNetwork, etc they use WINE and ALCOHOL for everything. Whether as a drink to enhance their meal, or as an ingredient, it's always used. And since I refuse to have alcohol in my house, I'll never be able to do such things. But you have to admit, the flavor is uncommonly amazing when it is used in food. Therefore, I like to try it, because the alcohol is cooked out (do NOT argue with me on this... it's cooked out. I don't want to hear otherwise).

Besides, I do hardly anything rebellious. But...#11 I am a rebellious spirit. Even if it is only mild compareatively.

So, please... don't be concerned.

Daddy's Little Girl

Our amazing apartment is in charge of the Spotlight for ward prayer next week, and in an effort to be different and creative, we decided to quiz our dad's and see what they knew about us. It was rather hilarious...

My dad knows what he answered for each question...but I thought I'd give him the RIGHT ones.

1. What is your daughter's favorite band?

• John Mayer, Ludo, Muse
• Also accepted: Armor for Sleep, Michael Buble, Maroon 5, Norah Jones, Boyz II Men, Landon Pigg, Dashboard Confessionals, Coldplay, Weezer, Placebo...etc.
• Dad's answer: Josh Groban
• To be fair... I actually do own two of Josh's CDs, and I like him quite a bit. Though, I wouldn't peg him as a favorite.

2. Where in the world would your daughter like to travel?

• Anywhere outside the U.S.
• Also accepted: UK, Scotland, Ireland, Germany, France, Italy, Greece, Brazil, Peru, Barbados, Jamaica, Bali, Australia, Thailand, etc.
• Dad's answer: Europe!
• You got it right...I want to go to Europe more than I want to go anywhere else in the world. But the country changes almost daily.

3. What are some of your daughter's hobbies?

• Dad nailed this on the head: reading, writing, pretending to play basketball (really I just LOVE it)
  
• Also accepted: working, school work, blogging, listening to music, baking, and watching movies.
  
• Looking at this list, I realize that my hobbies lack in actual ACTIVITY. Guess I need to work on that.
  

4. What would be an ideal date?

• Some sort of sports event (basketball or football preferred) followed by a long walk.
• Dad's answer: going to a fancy restaurant
• To be fair: That's a good answer. I LOVE trying new places. And I like things to be fancy. I think we seriously lack reasons to get dressed up...

5. What sort of qualities are you looking for in a man?

• Someone who is masculine, hilarious, worthy priesthood holder, and ambitious/a provider
• Also accepted: well, there are lots, but those are the main ones
• Dad's answer: Has testimony, is funny, and has common-sense
• Everyone loved that "commen-sense" bit, and it made me laugh. Dad always talks about how it is something his mother tried/did teach him and something I know he tried to teach me. Sometimes I exhibit common sense, othertimes, (like now at 1:30 a.m.) I do not.
• Also, if he happened to referee basketball, that would be quite the icing on the cake!
  

Thanks for playing, Dad! Apparently you and I need to have a little more girl talk; then I'm sure you'll get them all right next time!

I LOVE YOU!

Camille! I need help...

I don't know how to embed my slide shows, so I'll give you the link. If you want to view some awesome pictures from ions ago, go here.