The Art of Flirting

Last weekend, the Relief Society put on an activity that was supposed to help us girls learn how to get a second date, how to dress our body types, how to apply make-up, and how to flirt. From experts. When we arrived, we quickly discovered that the "experts" were other girls in our ward. I don't want to say anything too negative about the activity, because I thought it was a really fun idea (as opposed to my roommate, who was actually really angered by the whole activity), but it wasn't executed the way I thought it should be. There are some girls in our ward who could have really benefited from knowing how to dress their body types (I want to submit them for What Not to Wear) because they have pretty cute figures, but they just wear really frumpy, ill-fitting clothes that does them no favors.

We didn't really talk about how to dress any body type except for the girl's who was presenting the material. And since she is about five foot nothin', with no curves, she hardly fits the general population of our ward. I wanted somebody to get up there and tell some of these girls to find a bra that fits, quit wearing chunky sweaters that go long past their hips and only accentuates them, etc.

I was also a little...disgruntled about the flirting advice that we got. From how I understood it, we are supposed to slouch so we aren't taller or on the same eye-level as a guy, and simper up to them through our eyelashes. I don't even know how that's done; I definitely don't know how or why that would be effective. But there was one comment that I really did think was a great point.

When we think of flirting, see if represented on TV, or witness it at a party or wherever, a lot of it is watching the Flirter draw attention to themselves. Whether it is positive or negative attention, the whole point is to have eyes drawn upon them, hoping to provide enough flash to make themselves interesting to the opposite sex. It might be effective if you are looking for a casual hook-up. BUT, we were told that better flirting is done by drawing attention to your date, or to the person you are interested in. Make it less about you, and more about them.

What a novel ideal. It takes a little bit of the selfishness out of dating, and makes you less conceited. And you actually get to know the person. I love it. I think that everyone should do this when they are flirting. (Also, throw in some innuendo and witty banter, and you know I'll be hooked.)

Anyway, it's hard to make it all about the guy when he only stops in to my office once every ten months for precisely 45 seconds... The guy, of course, is the Les Olson delivery guy. He delivers toners and inks for our copiers and printers, but they last so dang long that it is months in between visits. He's cute. really cute. I tried to get better flirting tips from the girls at the activity, as to how to get this guy to ask me out, but no one really had any ideas better than the bend and snap (Thank you, Elle Woods). So the rest of the weekend, I plotted out the visit I knew would be coming on Monday. I even dressed nice -- wore a dress! -- and did my hair so that I was cute and feminine.


The problem with my office is that I sit behind a huge receptionist desk with a counter. It's a chastity desk. I feel like I'm miles away from the other people, which is usually preferable. Except for the Les Olson guy walks in. So Monday I was going to be on the other side of my desk working with the O&M manuals that my office has been buried in for well over a month. Only, he sneaked up on me! I didn't see his van pull up in time, so I was still stuck behind the chastity desk when he walked inside. There wasn't an opportunity to touch his hand, simper through my eyelashes or anything! Dang it. I didn't even have to sign for the order this time, because I had signed for it on Friday. Blast.

I guess I have ten more months to plot out some alternative method.

That Ol'Spark

It wasn't too long ago that I was preaching against "THE SPARK". I mocked it. I looked at it with complete disdain. Too many times, I have seen roommates and friends cry over lost opportunities because a guy just didn't feel it. Even more, too many times, I have seen my friends take a perfectly nice, attractive, sweet, generous, thoughtful guy and turn their noses up at them because there just wasn't a spark.

"GIVE THEM A CHANCE!" I would cry, hoping to persuade my friends how little a spark mattered. Didn't they know that guys that are nice, thoughtful and sweet are hard to come by -- ESPECIALLY if he is actively pursuing! Why would you throw that away over some mythical spark?!!

Whether the spark is a myth or not, I guess I cannot really say. But, I now understand why so many people are out looking for it and how it feels to be pursued by someone where you just don't feel.....anything. There has to be chemistry between two people. I'm not saying the instant chemistry where you catch each others' eye for the first time and like animal magnetism, you throw each other against the wall and start making out. I'm talking about a connection between two people that can't be explained, but that exists because on some level, the two of you understand one another in a way that others don't get. Attraction and chemistry aren't the same thing, because I know believe that, while someone can become more or less attractive based on different criteria (personality, sense of humor, wealth, talents, kindness, etc.) chemistry cannot be created where there is none.

I cannot pinpoint a single reason why the necessary oxygen needed to create that tiny spark did not exist. It seemed to have all the right elements. And yet...nothing. The chemistry just wasn't there, and I have the validation. We went on a double date with my roommate, and the lack of chemistry, the lack of a spark, was tangible. It was so obvious to everyone...Except him?

I have no answers. I don't know why I didn't feel anything for this perfectly likeable guy. I know that after five dates, I felt like I had put in enough time to see if I was wrong. And I think that he finally realized it too.

I have new convictions, now. You will not hear me preach against the spark anymore. You will not see me try to convince someone to create chemistry where there is none.

Eye Flirtation

Apparently there is a lost art in flirting that I had no idea existed, until I stumbled upon this little explanation. I guess we should all study up and practice our eye flirting. There's not much you can do with your eyes, but as you can see, it leads to some pretty interesting "conversations".

How to Score a Dude: Lesson 1 Removing Asinine Preconceptions

Lesson #1 involved good common sense. Men, like the incorrigible creatures that they are, do not come in neat, perfect packages. In fact, they are rather flawed. Keeping this in mind, it is important that when seeking for male companionship, one must not let their beliefs on the subject bar their chance at meeting an almost perfect, or rather, someone that will do just fine. If such a man can be found, one should make an honest effort to get to know the fellow.

Since this is the case - it was important to note that a man that grows a nice beard, possesses a desirable stature, fortune and sense of humor, along with fine traits such as a testimony of Jesus Christ, a job/education, background in cowboying, Ebonics, and general rakish behavior does not exist.

Pity.

Homework assignment #1: List 5 characteristics that are desirable but that are not considered superfluous, impossible or overly ridiculous. Such traits should not include general aesthetics or personality but should stick the absolute necessary traits deemed appropriate from the course instructors.

Assignment #1

1. A testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ
2. An interest and honest effort in one day becoming a provider, i.e. is working to better his education and/or is currently pursuing an education
3. In possession of a particular sense of humor
4. One with whom I am comfortable to be myself
5. Has instilled a particular love of family within himself

The PottsFern all-in-one course on How to Score a Dude

I was recently invited to participate in an all-inclusive course on how to "score a dude" sponsored and given by the other members of the FTC. I suppose they want to see me happily settled with a husband of my own. Or maybe they just get a real kick out of my love life...only, I don't have one. So they are hoping that through this "course" they will provide themselves some entertainment.

While I believe that the reasons are less than admirable, I couldn't help but think that I need all the help that I can get. And with Meghan and Kati at the helm, I'm sure I'll learn...a lot.

The pamphlet reads as follows: