Wednesday, February 08, 2012

The Art of Flirting

Last weekend, the Relief Society put on an activity that was supposed to help us girls learn how to get a second date, how to dress our body types, how to apply make-up, and how to flirt. From experts. When we arrived, we quickly discovered that the "experts" were other girls in our ward. I don't want to say anything too negative about the activity, because I thought it was a really fun idea (as opposed to my roommate, who was actually really angered by the whole activity), but it wasn't executed the way I thought it should be. There are some girls in our ward who could have really benefited from knowing how to dress their body types (I want to submit them for What Not to Wear) because they have pretty cute figures, but they just wear really frumpy, ill-fitting clothes that does them no favors.

We didn't really talk about how to dress any body type except for the girl's who was presenting the material. And since she is about five foot nothin', with no curves, she hardly fits the general population of our ward. I wanted somebody to get up there and tell some of these girls to find a bra that fits, quit wearing chunky sweaters that go long past their hips and only accentuates them, etc.

I was also a little...disgruntled about the flirting advice that we got. From how I understood it, we are supposed to slouch so we aren't taller or on the same eye-level as a guy, and simper up to them through our eyelashes. I don't even know how that's done; I definitely don't know how or why that would be effective. But there was one comment that I really did think was a great point.

When we think of flirting, see if represented on TV, or witness it at a party or wherever, a lot of it is watching the Flirter draw attention to themselves. Whether it is positive or negative attention, the whole point is to have eyes drawn upon them, hoping to provide enough flash to make themselves interesting to the opposite sex. It might be effective if you are looking for a casual hook-up. BUT, we were told that better flirting is done by drawing attention to your date, or to the person you are interested in. Make it less about you, and more about them.

What a novel ideal. It takes a little bit of the selfishness out of dating, and makes you less conceited. And you actually get to know the person. I love it. I think that everyone should do this when they are flirting. (Also, throw in some innuendo and witty banter, and you know I'll be hooked.)

Anyway, it's hard to make it all about the guy when he only stops in to my office once every ten months for precisely 45 seconds... The guy, of course, is the Les Olson delivery guy. He delivers toners and inks for our copiers and printers, but they last so dang long that it is months in between visits. He's cute. really cute. I tried to get better flirting tips from the girls at the activity, as to how to get this guy to ask me out, but no one really had any ideas better than the bend and snap (Thank you, Elle Woods). So the rest of the weekend, I plotted out the visit I knew would be coming on Monday. I even dressed nice -- wore a dress! -- and did my hair so that I was cute and feminine.

The problem with my office is that I sit behind a huge receptionist desk with a counter. It's a chastity desk. I feel like I'm miles away from the other people, which is usually preferable. Except for the Les Olson guy walks in. So Monday I was going to be on the other side of my desk working with the O&M manuals that my office has been buried in for well over a month. Only, he sneaked up on me! I didn't see his van pull up in time, so I was still stuck behind the chastity desk when he walked inside. There wasn't an opportunity to touch his hand, simper through my eyelashes or anything! Dang it. I didn't even have to sign for the order this time, because I had signed for it on Friday. Blast.

I guess I have ten more months to plot out some alternative method.


  1. Hahahaha! I love you. The chastity desk. Priceless.

  2. The idea of a 45-seconds-every-ten-months romance is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard and just made my entire day.

    I've heard simpering through your eyelashes can cause headaches, nausea, and in some cases blindness.


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