NEVER FORGET

Thanks for the constant reminder, iPledge! I can't wait for my next pregnancy test.

Dear Box

Dear Box,

Your blatant disregard for natural processes and lack of respect for my wishes, feelings, and comfort need to cease and desist immediately.

I blame you for my lack of energy, general moodiness, my inability to concentrate and for the constant panic I walk around with. I'm too tired to stay up and too paranoid to go to sleep. Also, there is not enough hot water in the world to fill your insatiable need for hot showers; there is certainly not enough in our apartment, ever.

Also, you know how I feel about pumping myself full of pills (which you then proceed to ignore, anyway).

I am at my wits' end.

Sincerely,

Me

I thought I could... But I can't

This is the blank post that will be a place holder for the time I sat down to write all my woes and didn't have the courage and/or security to do it. 

Some things aren't meant to be posted on the web for everyone to read. And sometimes, it's just too hard to put in to words. Besides, I haven't figured out which is worse: people asking, "What's wrong?" or not asking at all.

Did I mention...

I was talking to Mackenzie today on the phone and she was telling me how I should be jealous of her because she will spend this summer conditioning for two different sports (basketball and soccer) and will likely end up a lean, mean six-packed machine.

I'm jealous that she'll get to spend a lot of time outside, and even though her tan line will look funny, at least she'll have one.

I did warn her though that all that weigh lifting could lead to increased pectoral muscles and decreased boobage. I told her to be careful that she didn't "disappear" them altogether.

"Ahh. But I worked so hard to grow them."

Sometimes I forget how funny Mackenzie can be. I swear I died laughing. So funny.

Did I mention that I hate WordPerfect? I do. So so much. In fact, my keyboard has taken quite a beating today because I've been taking my frustration with the stupid software out on it. I don't understand how I can pound on the enter key, and NOTHING happens. Ugh.

I hate WordPerfect more than Stats.

The Execution

By royal decree, official declaration and in general consensus within the mob, this textbook of statistics has been found guilty of committing crimes against humanity, inflicting unjust pain and suffering and inciting public disorder among the masses.

In full recognition that no amount of money made from ransom of this book will ever recompense for its crime, and in full understanding that simply throwing this book of statistics into the trash is too good a fate the following punishment has been decided. This book of statistics is heretofore released into the hands of the executioners who are free to inflict as much pain and suffering as was done by this book of statistics. Appointed executioners are to continue with sanctioned abuse and shall not stop until this book of statistics has been completely and utterly destroyed both physically, mentally, emotionally or otherwise, as was done to its victims.

This sentence is in effect immediately.

The Official Executioner

The Driver and Official Executioner

The Torture

The Fire

Dunh Dunh Dunh!

Main Entry: finish

Part of Speech: verb

Definition: bring to a conclusion; get done

Synonyms: accomplish, achieve, bag it, break up, bring to a close, carry through, cease, clinch, close, complete, conclude, crown*, culminate, deal with, determine, discharge, do, effect, end, execute, finalize, fold, fulfill, get out of the way, halt, hang
it up, have done with, make, make short work of, mop up, perfect, put finishing touches on, round off, round up, scratch, scrub,
settle, sew up, shut down, shutter, stop, terminate, top off, ultimate, wind up, wrap, wrap up

When the Lights Go Down in the City... the Stats Must Go On

So we were just sitting there, me ranting about how I hated p-values and he sitting there with his half-smirk, half-chagrin, half-I'm-probably-going-to-strangle-her look and the power goes out.

RELIEF.

I just knew that I wouldn't have to think about p-values until tomorrow. I mean, c'mon, there's absolutely no light. The whole complex is out! Not even the moonlight was bright enough to make its way in. No sooner had I decided to start packing up, William plops down his little LED candle stick and insists that I continue working.

I make a comment about the lighting being bad for my eyes...he brings out a larger flashlight with more power. And so the torture continued. It was fairly amusing to work by flashlight, and even more... we're still on track. So I guess that's a good thing too. I guess I'm really just in awe of how undeterred William is with helping me. Because really, he doesn't have to be invested at all, and yet he has refused over this last year and half to let me quit and give up and worse, give in and actually give me the answers. He has been a life saver. And I owe him HUGE.

He's probably smiling here because he can't believe that I got the question wrong. Again. Because 1) I didn't finish reading the question, 2) I read the question but still chose to make some dumb error with either math or lack of sense (and usually it's using poor math skills coupled with the lack of sense) or 3) It's about p-values and I can't figure it out to save my life.

When I finally left his apartment at midnight, William had to walk me to my car, and the cool thing about the entire complex being without power is the fact that the stars are super visible because there isn't any light anywhere. It was a nice way to end the night, looking up at the sky and praying that something a lot more invasive gets in the way of tomorrow's study session.

Just kidding. I really do want to get this done. Promise.

Statistical Daydreams

While reading my statistics ebook I am multitasking. A part of my brain is going over the words and reading them (not always giving them meaning, but reading just the same) and then imagining different things.

Things like my chair sliding out from under me causing me to fall and hit my head - hard - on the wood floor.

Or running outside and playing in the road, only to be hit by the bus that passes in front of the Provo bakery every 15 minutes.

And sometimes it is just imagining me sticking my fingers in electrical sockets, or shaving my head or lighting my shoes on fire.

My favorite stat-daydreams are the ones where I am reading my last chapter, the final bit of information that I need in order to take the final. The fact that I am nearly finished and to be done with it as soon as possible. I imagine that for some reason my brain kicks into super-understanding and stats just clicks for me, and I have no problems whatsoever finishing the second half of the course. I finish it by the end of the week and I am free.

FREE.

Oh, to be free! Unfortunately, that really is just a dream. Because I really don't understand statistical inference and confidence intervals. I have no idea what a chi-square is. I don't want to learn about t-tests. (Oh, how I DREAD t-tests!)

All of this is making me nauseous. And yes, I am procrastinating by blogging about it. Maybe my chair really will roll out from under me, crack my head open and then make me smarter. Or at least unconscious for a second. A nap sounds nice.

The Horndar

A comprehensive analysis of the straight LDS Single's Horndar


Etymology: Horndar comes from the combination of two words. Horny meaning filled with lust (roughly); and radar an instrument used as a measuring tool or detection system.

The Horndar is similar to the terror alert levels.

Green - Low - The Single is not thinking about the opposite sex. They enjoy the company of their friends without worrying about who they can hook up with. They are open to relationships, but do not obsess with obtaining one. They are often blind to the attractive boy/girl sitting next to them. We're talking Beehive/Deacon levels here, people.

Blue - Guarded - A single living in the blue levels are the ones that are OK with the idea of saving their first kiss for the altar. They like the opposite sex. They're open to a peck on the cheek for a 3-second kiss on the lips, but only after a lengthier courtship. They want commitment with their affection. They like romance movies and books of the Jane Austen/Charlotte Bronte style, or of the Disney variety.

Yellow - Elevated - Yellow levels are generally looking for their make-out sessions within a relationship. Therefore, they are seeking out a relationship. You can catch them daydreaming about chaste kisses outside the apartment door and enjoying the latest RomCom.

Orange - High - Orange is a seemingly dangerous level. It is quite the jump from yellow to orange, because in the orange levels, NCMO's, necking and petting... things that we are supposed to avoid are open to us all in the name of romance. So what if you haven't talked to him/her in the past 6 months. If it means a little action, you're willing to risk it. Innuendo is high. You find yourself looking up your favorite make-out scenes from PG-13 movies or picking up trashy romance novels from the library. Orange levels are also exciting, because they involve the push-against-the-wall, tug-on-your-hair type making out. Trouble can find you if you are not careful.

Red - Severe - This is the most dangerous level. If you were married, it might be the most fun. But you aren't married. SO make sure you steer clear of all members of the opposite sex. This is when trouble brews for certain and will probably land you in the Bishop's office.

Which level are you?

Catered Tutoring

One of the reasons I hate stats so much is the fact that I don't understand - not even an iota - of what is going on. But William offered to help and he's been tutoring me for... about a year. On and off. More off than on really, because that is how often I work on stats........

That's besides the point.

The real point is that when William explains things to me, I almost understand. Which I think is monumental progress. I think this comprehension comes from two things. The first being: William also hates stats. Or, at least he says that he does. (I am convinced that no one - NO ONE - hates stats more than I do. And even if he does hate it, he still at least gets it, which probably makes it worse.) And, he's a mathematics major; which means, while he understands what I have to know for my stats class, he teaches it completely differently. He knows why we have to do things. He explains what is actually happening when they are talking about standard deviations and y-hats and all those awful...

The second reason William is such a good tutor is that he caters to you as the student. He draws his examples from things that you might consider interesting. So instead of learning about medical studies that I have a hard enough time understanding without the littered stats information, I am learning more about the probability of someone enjoying being pushed up against the wall and kissed.

That's right: William uses that as an example to teach me stats. And it almost works. I actually was thinking about emailing my teacher and asking for extra credit (or if I were really ambitious I would ask if I could replace my final) by doing an actual statistical study and analyzing the data and applying all the concepts I'm supposed to know by the end of the class. Mostly because I thought it would be interesting.

For those of you trying to keep up with my status on the blasted class: I haven't taken test 2 yet. But...I'm just about ready to. I said that two weeks ago when I ordered the test, but I had a few quizzes I had to finish first. Those are done now...so I just need to make sure I know the material. If I get a D.... well, I don't have the time necessary to recover from a D. So we'll just have to get a C or better. William?

Sitting at the Computer

It's Labor Day...but I have a lot to do. Sadly, none of it requires me to actually leave this spot...right here in front of the computer. I tried to get up and go somewhere, and only got so far as the shower. I guess I could clean my room, but I still have to look at my computer.

Doing stats, searching for jobs, returning the emails from Korea, stats, blogging, writing and listening to my music - it's all done in front of the computer.

I just wish I had a more comfortable chair. (It's not even that bad... but it gets tiring.)

That's all.

MY EYES! OH MY EYES!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

feel lucky that you are not in my presence today...it is not a happy situation. I don't know if I've said anything about it, but you might have heard...

I hate stats.

Eating Crow

To all of you who laughed when I said I was going to take Stats as an independent study class (i.e. everyone I know):

You were right.

Oh, gosh...I could have been done, or dead, had I just stayed in for spring semester. Both would be better than the situation I am in now. Unfocused. Unmotivated. Panicked. Ok, not yet. I still think I can do it...

That is, if it weren't for the 55% stipulation on the final. Crap.

*Drags palm across face.*

"I hate stats," she said despairingly. And then set to work.

Evidence

Some of you have doubted the fact that I am able to accomplish an independent study course - much less STATS 221 as independent study. I am here to set your ill-at-ease minds to rest, and prove to you that I have, in fact, opened my course and I am looking.

Even though I would rather:

• Pluck out EVERY hair on my body with tweezers
• Eat egg whites and celery
• Jump from a burning building into a pile of broken glass
• Shovel manure
  
• Cut off my toes - and NOT for the benefit of science
• Peel off my fingernails
• And any number of other measure of torture

I have started!

"You haven't told me yet," said Lady Nuttall, "what it is your fiancé does for a living."

"He's a statistician," replied Lamia, with an annoying sense of being on the defensive.

Lady Nuttall was obviously taken aback. It had not occurred to her that statisticians entered into normal social relationships. The species, she would have surmised, was perpetuated in some collateral manner, like mules.

"But, it's a very interesting profession," said Lamia warmly.

"I don't doubt it," said the lady, who obviously doubted it very much.

-The Dreaded Lesson Manual

I have it on good authority that we should trust the aristocracy - especially when they are right. (Meaning, not only is Stats NOT interesting...it is also torture, tedious, horrible and any other word you can possibly throw at it that is negative!)

For those of you wondering, though, (As I know a great many of you are) Stats is defined as:

Statistics is the science of collecting, organizing, and interpreting numerical facts—which we call data. We are bombarded by data in our everyday life. Most of us associate "statistics" with the bits of datum that appear in news reports: baseball batting averages, imported car sales, the latest poll of the president's popularity, and the average high temperature for today's date. Advertisements often claim that data show the superiority of the advertiser's product. All sides in public debates about economics, education, and social policy argue from data. Yet the usefulness of statistics goes far beyond these everyday examples.

In a completely unrelated note - Check out Ray LaMontagne and Landon Pigg...they are seriously so WONDERFUL to listen to and have an 98.7% rate of making me happy, with a zero margin of error.

Ray...



Or Landon...