Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Horndar

A comprehensive analysis of the straight LDS Single's Horndar

Etymology: Horndar comes from the combination of two words. Horny meaning filled with lust (roughly); and radar an instrument used as a measuring tool or detection system.

The Horndar is similar to the terror alert levels.

Green - Low - The Single is not thinking about the opposite sex. They enjoy the company of their friends without worrying about who they can hook up with. They are open to relationships, but do not obsess with obtaining one. They are often blind to the attractive boy/girl sitting next to them. We're talking Beehive/Deacon levels here, people.

Blue - Guarded - A single living in the blue levels are the ones that are OK with the idea of saving their first kiss for the altar. They like the opposite sex. They're open to a peck on the cheek for a 3-second kiss on the lips, but only after a lengthier courtship. They want commitment with their affection. They like romance movies and books of the Jane Austen/Charlotte Bronte style, or of the Disney variety.

Yellow - Elevated - Yellow levels are generally looking for their make-out sessions within a relationship. Therefore, they are seeking out a relationship. You can catch them daydreaming about chaste kisses outside the apartment door and enjoying the latest RomCom.

Orange - High - Orange is a seemingly dangerous level. It is quite the jump from yellow to orange, because in the orange levels, NCMO's, necking and petting... things that we are supposed to avoid are open to us all in the name of romance. So what if you haven't talked to him/her in the past 6 months. If it means a little action, you're willing to risk it. Innuendo is high. You find yourself looking up your favorite make-out scenes from PG-13 movies or picking up trashy romance novels from the library. Orange levels are also exciting, because they involve the push-against-the-wall, tug-on-your-hair type making out. Trouble can find you if you are not careful.

Red - Severe - This is the most dangerous level. If you were married, it might be the most fun. But you aren't married. SO make sure you steer clear of all members of the opposite sex. This is when trouble brews for certain and will probably land you in the Bishop's office.

Which level are you?


  1. I take it this measures people's general level or perspective rather than their day-to-day or hour-to-hour levels.

    I just want to point out that you failed to tell us which level you were. So I can only conclude that the final question was rhetorical rather than trying to elicit a response.

  2. Oh my gosh, Shelli, you're cracking me up! HAHA.


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