Did I mention...

I was talking to Mackenzie today on the phone and she was telling me how I should be jealous of her because she will spend this summer conditioning for two different sports (basketball and soccer) and will likely end up a lean, mean six-packed machine.

I'm jealous that she'll get to spend a lot of time outside, and even though her tan line will look funny, at least she'll have one.

I did warn her though that all that weigh lifting could lead to increased pectoral muscles and decreased boobage. I told her to be careful that she didn't "disappear" them altogether.

"Ahh. But I worked so hard to grow them."

Sometimes I forget how funny Mackenzie can be. I swear I died laughing. So funny.

Did I mention that I hate WordPerfect? I do. So so much. In fact, my keyboard has taken quite a beating today because I've been taking my frustration with the stupid software out on it. I don't understand how I can pound on the enter key, and NOTHING happens. Ugh.

I hate WordPerfect more than Stats.

The Execution

By royal decree, official declaration and in general consensus within the mob, this textbook of statistics has been found guilty of committing crimes against humanity, inflicting unjust pain and suffering and inciting public disorder among the masses.

In full recognition that no amount of money made from ransom of this book will ever recompense for its crime, and in full understanding that simply throwing this book of statistics into the trash is too good a fate the following punishment has been decided. This book of statistics is heretofore released into the hands of the executioners who are free to inflict as much pain and suffering as was done by this book of statistics. Appointed executioners are to continue with sanctioned abuse and shall not stop until this book of statistics has been completely and utterly destroyed both physically, mentally, emotionally or otherwise, as was done to its victims.

This sentence is in effect immediately.

The Official Executioner

The Driver and Official Executioner

The Torture

The Fire

"I wasted time, and now time doth waste me." - Shakespeare

And other STATS related posts on Facebook.

• "Dear Stats, ... I don't even have the hear to finish a letter to you. How will I ever finish the class?"
• Packing is better than stats, but not by much.
• If Stats were a person, I'd hire a hit man. No questions asked.
• If Stats were a person, he/she would not be a part of my exclusive club.
• If Stats were a person, she'd be an old maid.
• If Stats were a person, I'd sanction a witch hunting expedition - as long as stats ended on the pyre.
• Even if it WERE snowing, raining and crapping outside, it'd be too nice a day to do stats.
• If Stats were a person, he'd be worth more alive than dead...but I'd kill him anyway.
• If Stats were a person, I'd make sure I would set my alarm for every hour in the morning, starting at 3 a.m. I would never hear it...but I know she would.
• Feeling very violent towards stats today.
• "And the Dark Lord (Statistics) will mark her as his equal, but she will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives." From Harry Potter
• It's cold and rainy outside...and with only stats to keep me warm, I think I'll just go to bed! 
• I feel a tantrum coming on. Must be time to do stats.
• Not going to Korea because of Stats. Can we just send stats to North Korea? They'd know what to do with him.
• "Whadja expect? To come back to me after a month and a half of neglect and remember everything we shared? Forget it!" - Stats. 
• Started quiz on Wed, 15 Jul 2009, 11:45 AM. Completed Sat, 17 Oct 2009, 5:43 PM. Time taken, 94 days 5 hours. Guess it's a good thing there is no time limit.
• A day of frustration and tears. Neat.
• "Interpret the y-intercept in context even though that doesn't make sense." - Thank you stats, because I enjoy when the questions don't make sense. Joke's on you though, I just got a 15/15 when I was too lazy even to cheat and my eyes were out of focus. TAKE THAT! 
• Remember how stats is the most baleful, malefic canker in my life? Well, I certainly never forgot.
• Stats exhausts me from the tips of my toes to my migraine-filled head.
• "...from Hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee." - Moby Dick

It's easy to see that the past year and a half, I've had plenty to say about this most dreaded subject.

Dunh Dunh Dunh!

Main Entry: finish

Part of Speech: verb

Definition: bring to a conclusion; get done

Synonyms: accomplish, achieve, bag it, break up, bring to a close, carry through, cease, clinch, close, complete, conclude, crown*, culminate, deal with, determine, discharge, do, effect, end, execute, finalize, fold, fulfill, get out of the way, halt, hang
it up, have done with, make, make short work of, mop up, perfect, put finishing touches on, round off, round up, scratch, scrub,
settle, sew up, shut down, shutter, stop, terminate, top off, ultimate, wind up, wrap, wrap up

When the Lights Go Down in the City... the Stats Must Go On

So we were just sitting there, me ranting about how I hated p-values and he sitting there with his half-smirk, half-chagrin, half-I'm-probably-going-to-strangle-her look and the power goes out.

RELIEF.

I just knew that I wouldn't have to think about p-values until tomorrow. I mean, c'mon, there's absolutely no light. The whole complex is out! Not even the moonlight was bright enough to make its way in. No sooner had I decided to start packing up, William plops down his little LED candle stick and insists that I continue working.

I make a comment about the lighting being bad for my eyes...he brings out a larger flashlight with more power. And so the torture continued. It was fairly amusing to work by flashlight, and even more... we're still on track. So I guess that's a good thing too. I guess I'm really just in awe of how undeterred William is with helping me. Because really, he doesn't have to be invested at all, and yet he has refused over this last year and half to let me quit and give up and worse, give in and actually give me the answers. He has been a life saver. And I owe him HUGE.

He's probably smiling here because he can't believe that I got the question wrong. Again. Because 1) I didn't finish reading the question, 2) I read the question but still chose to make some dumb error with either math or lack of sense (and usually it's using poor math skills coupled with the lack of sense) or 3) It's about p-values and I can't figure it out to save my life.

When I finally left his apartment at midnight, William had to walk me to my car, and the cool thing about the entire complex being without power is the fact that the stars are super visible because there isn't any light anywhere. It was a nice way to end the night, looking up at the sky and praying that something a lot more invasive gets in the way of tomorrow's study session.

Just kidding. I really do want to get this done. Promise.

False Hope

I've entitled this post "False Hope" but perhaps a better title would be "Disillusionment". In the end, it's basically the same thing, although, I feel like the latter probably gives a more accurate depiction of my feelings, since it reflects a certain lack of sense.

With that introduction, I know you are intrigued as to what I'm even writing about now. So I will tell you: Just a few examples of a scenario I find myself often.

You know how when you imagine something so many times, you think that it could possibly come true? And then when it doesn't, you are sorely disappointed even though the most rational part of you believes that there is absolutely no justified reason for being disappointed because the scenario was never plausible in the first place?

Like imagining what life would be like without a thorn in your side without actually going through the process of removing said thorn - and then being upset that it's festering.

Or knowing that you are built nothing like a Victoria Secret model, but still trying on a bathing suit and being shocked when it doesn't fit you the way that it does on the commercial.

And maybe most upsetting: fancying yourself in "love" with the perfect guy, knowing that he is way out of your league. Not just in looks (although, those certainly) but in talent, personality and spirituality. And then seeing him out with another girl.

In all those scenarios, you know what the outcome is. You. Know. It. But there is still that little bit of hope (read: disillusionment) that makes you think that somehow it will end up as your fantasies do. But really, that's like putting garlic salt in a cake and expecting it to turn into sugar. Or trying to get 2+2 = 9,648. It ain't ever going to happen. But that won't stop the fantasies. Which means, it won't stop the disappointment.

It's really just too bad, though, because my daydreams are really much more exciting than what real life churns out.

Statistical Daydreams

While reading my statistics ebook I am multitasking. A part of my brain is going over the words and reading them (not always giving them meaning, but reading just the same) and then imagining different things.

Things like my chair sliding out from under me causing me to fall and hit my head - hard - on the wood floor.

Or running outside and playing in the road, only to be hit by the bus that passes in front of the Provo bakery every 15 minutes.

And sometimes it is just imagining me sticking my fingers in electrical sockets, or shaving my head or lighting my shoes on fire.

My favorite stat-daydreams are the ones where I am reading my last chapter, the final bit of information that I need in order to take the final. The fact that I am nearly finished and to be done with it as soon as possible. I imagine that for some reason my brain kicks into super-understanding and stats just clicks for me, and I have no problems whatsoever finishing the second half of the course. I finish it by the end of the week and I am free.

FREE.

Oh, to be free! Unfortunately, that really is just a dream. Because I really don't understand statistical inference and confidence intervals. I have no idea what a chi-square is. I don't want to learn about t-tests. (Oh, how I DREAD t-tests!)

All of this is making me nauseous. And yes, I am procrastinating by blogging about it. Maybe my chair really will roll out from under me, crack my head open and then make me smarter. Or at least unconscious for a second. A nap sounds nice.

Catered Tutoring

One of the reasons I hate stats so much is the fact that I don't understand - not even an iota - of what is going on. But William offered to help and he's been tutoring me for... about a year. On and off. More off than on really, because that is how often I work on stats........

That's besides the point.

The real point is that when William explains things to me, I almost understand. Which I think is monumental progress. I think this comprehension comes from two things. The first being: William also hates stats. Or, at least he says that he does. (I am convinced that no one - NO ONE - hates stats more than I do. And even if he does hate it, he still at least gets it, which probably makes it worse.) And, he's a mathematics major; which means, while he understands what I have to know for my stats class, he teaches it completely differently. He knows why we have to do things. He explains what is actually happening when they are talking about standard deviations and y-hats and all those awful...

The second reason William is such a good tutor is that he caters to you as the student. He draws his examples from things that you might consider interesting. So instead of learning about medical studies that I have a hard enough time understanding without the littered stats information, I am learning more about the probability of someone enjoying being pushed up against the wall and kissed.

That's right: William uses that as an example to teach me stats. And it almost works. I actually was thinking about emailing my teacher and asking for extra credit (or if I were really ambitious I would ask if I could replace my final) by doing an actual statistical study and analyzing the data and applying all the concepts I'm supposed to know by the end of the class. Mostly because I thought it would be interesting.

For those of you trying to keep up with my status on the blasted class: I haven't taken test 2 yet. But...I'm just about ready to. I said that two weeks ago when I ordered the test, but I had a few quizzes I had to finish first. Those are done now...so I just need to make sure I know the material. If I get a D.... well, I don't have the time necessary to recover from a D. So we'll just have to get a C or better. William?

Funeral Plans

When stats kills me, I hope that you all will be able to attend my funeral. I am planning for it to be a simple affair. Please play loud music and have a dance in my honor. I want balloons instead of flowers - particularly in bright colors: reds, oranges and yellows. And if you don't want to do that, then I would just recommend setting up a little fund for my parents so they can go on a cruise or something nice. I used to think I had life insurance that they could use, but that is no longer the case.

If you must buy a casket, make sure it is the cheapest one from WalMart.com. Otherwise, a sheet or flimsy plywood box will do nicely. And it doesn't really matter where you put it - I mean bury it - Troy, OH or Shelby County, KY will work. I don't really want to be left in Provo if I don't have to be. If anyone is willing to bury me in an ancient graveyard in Scotland or somewhere in Britain, I'd be happy there too.

My loss will be devastating to most of you - but really, I do not want to be a sad affair. Tears should only be shed because you are laughing. After all, dying because of stats is somewhat humorous. And watching people cry makes me sad.

This may seem a little dramatic to you: but even if/when I do pass stats, I will literally die of shock. Oh, the irony! Seems to me stats is destined to beat me, no matter what.

Oh how I hate you...

Every time  think I am getting a good groove on this whole Stats thing, I take a quiz or a test and get 8/21 or 67% or something awful - and I want to quit.

Really?

WHY can't this come more naturally to me? (And why does this keyboard suck? I have to type about 15 wpm instead of the 90 wpm I'm used to in order for all the buttons to go down.) Even when I am motivated to get this stupid class done and I'm trying...I still FAIL.

I hate failing. I would rather quit than fail. Better to have quit while you were ahead than fail. But that isn't an option. WHY ISN'T THAT AN OPTION?

I am a big believer in giving credit for effort, and Stats doesn't do that. Not that I would get many points for effort considering my extreme lack of over the past few...well, years. But still. I feel like there should be some evidence of the fact that I am trying to learn this crap. And yet, my quizzes are showing less of an improvement.

Side note: I hate probability. I am fairly certain it is the area that I always get tripped up in, and about the time I have always given this class up or fallen extremely behind. It is awful. I am not a gambler, and I don't want to know what my odds of the ball falling on the black 46. I don't care if we survey 2849789 people and 2870 of them do something then the probability of.....................................................

Sorry, I just died thinking about that. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE.

SO I AM trying to get this done as fast as I possibly can. I have better things to do with my time. But why oh why can't I catch a break?

Rant over.

(See, DeeAura, I throw tantrums too...)

The Poll: Is it better against a wall?

By "it" I guess I have to clarify as: a kiss, kissing... not actually................ ANYWAY.

This is when statistics could be considered "fun." (I know. I know. My fingers are bleeding because I typed that. In fact, I'm feeling light-headed. I might puke. Must...go...on...despite the hypocrisy. The irony. Oh sick....) A question was posed to over 50 people today asking the following: "Being pushed against the wall while making out - is it good or bad?"

It seemed the majority of the girls I polled had only two answers: "Good!" or "Good! as long as it isn't too rough."
The guys had a bit more varied opinion on the matter.

Out of the 41 people that responded, only 8 (4 girls and 4 boys) replied in some form or another that being pushed against the wall was negative. I know that 3 of the 9 have never experienced it - and to them I say, don't knock it until you try it. OK? The rest had a myriad of answers that I didn't know how to interpret:

"[It's] dangerous. You could bump your head and get a concussion and then not remember making out. Very bad. Unless your partner is disgusting. Then it's good. But also dangerous."

"Bad...kind of shady because it is too aggressive. Save it for the romance novels."

"...No. I think it could be a good way to get some mace in the face and be jailed in disgrace."

"Um. Slightly creepy. Is he on roids?"

And then of course the whole... "It's too controlling..." Which, I don't like that answer, but it was a favorite among most of the other NOs.

However, the rest of the group liked the fact that the guy was taking control, showing a little aggression or the general...excitement of the whole thing. And a few people added the whole, "It depends..." note. Depending on the type of wall, how rough the actual shove was and even how passionate the kiss.

My favorite response to the pros: "Good. Best when it comes from a guy you never thought would." Either that or, "So so good."

Now, the chart that I created to display this data actually happens to be what we are studying in Stats right now, but of course, that just means that I don't know what to do with it.

 

It's a double bivariate table or something - two categorical data categories (if you are vomiting while reading me spat stats out like this, don't worry - so am I.)

So class, what does this teach us? The whole poll started because I seemed to be outnumbered. The two people that were arguing with me were very against the whole thing and I knew that if I took it to the masses, we would have the majority.

I can't remember a time before I knew that I liked it. There's always been something a little thrilling and exciting about the whole idea. For a long time I had nothing to go on besides MLM books and movies where actors are in the throes of passion and it is a little too much. I had a roommate who went over to ex-boyfriend's house and didn't end up leaving until a lot later than planned because he decided to take control of the situation. And we decided that it probably wasn't a great idea for her to go over there again.

There's just something GOOD about being thrown against the wall. Even MLM says so, "Shelli! Oh, my heck! I'm TOTALLY for "pushed up against a wall" kissing! Totally..."

And who could possible dispute that? Poll closed.

Checking up on Me

William: Have you made lots of stats progress?

  And/Or

  Have you finished moving yet?

5 minutes

7:43 PM William: A. I thought about stats once today.
B. I should start on stats soon. Maybe in a week or two.
C. I'll finish moving tomorrow.
D. Or maybe I'll finish moving this weekend
E. Ya right.
F. I hate you.
G. All of the above.

7:44 PM No need to answer. I already know which one you would pick.

---

Just for the record, the answer was D and H. [none of the above]

I was actually preparing to do stats when I encountered this conversation.

So there.

Sunday Challenges, Lessons and...

I love Sundays when I've left church and really felt uplifted, spiritually fed and motivated to make changes in my life. Today was one of those Sundays. Plus, I felt like I really learned more about the gospel AND I got to laugh a bit at a few of the insane comments made in Gospel Doctrine. So overall it was a brilliant day at church - even though Sacrament meeting went over about twenty-five minutes AND the high councilman brought in props. (For the record: props are not appropriate during Sacrament meeting. As my dad said today, "This isn't Saturday Night Live.")

Becca taught Gospel Doctrine and the topic was The Fall. Not as in autumn, but the fall of Adam and Eve. The "Original Sin" as some churches teach. I really love the knowledge that we have through the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

• One example that was used in class today talked about how the Garden of Eden could be compared to a house where Heavenly Father placed Adam and Eve and told them not to open the door to the outside. If the door were to be opened, there would be consequences and Adam and Eve could not return inside the house. Eve opened the door, and with that she was exposed to the outside which holds limitless opportunities and new experiences that she could in no way have had inside the house. But it also holds the bad consequences as well. Eve took a risk opening the door, but when she did she got to experience the world.
• If Heavenly Father had not set up a situation in which Adam and Eve would transgress, there wouldn't have been a need for the Savior. And we wouldn't be here. Adam and Eve did not have the knowledge of good and evil, they were in a state of innocence. Which meant that they couldn't fulfill God's first commandment: to multiply and replenish the earth. They didn't have the knowledge of how to go about doing this. With the partaking of the fruit, Eve established the beginning of the Plan. She gained the knowledge she needed in order to replenish the earth - and also the desperate need for our Savior. With the plan in action, we are now here on earth and able to continue to rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ and keep the commandments.
• A very funny side note: One of the guys in class mentioned that because Adam and Eve were in a state of innocence, they would not have known how to procreate. When Becca repeated this, as an instructor will often do with comments, she said, "That's right. Adam and Eve didn't have the skills to procreate..." after which she got very flustered. And it was pretty hilarious. She continued, "I mean, they didn't have the knowledge - knowledge would have been a better word - I can't believe I just said skills."
  
• The difference between a sin and a transgression are that a sin is always wrong, and always evil. Whereas a transgression is breaking a commandment because it was prohibited by law. Partaking the fruit was not evil. In fact, one might argue that eventually God might have given Adam and Eve permission to take the fruit if they had not been beguiled by the devil to do so at that time. But partaking of the fruit was prohibited by law, and therefore they transgressed against the laws of God. This of course is important when we recite the second article of faith, "We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression."
• Side note: I really think that Adam and Eve were probably pretty close to perfect as any two people on earth could get. Yes, they partook of the fruit, which was prohibited by God. And because of that they were kicked out of God's presence. Yet, even after they began to make the sacrifices commanded them without understanding the significance. The article of faith doesn't say anything about Adam's sins - only his (singular) transgression. They continued to talk to God, even if they did no longer walk with Him.
• In class, one of the guys asked if sex was a sin or a transgression. Of course, Becca told him to ask the Bishop. (And of course, we're talking premarital sex.) Although, I think in Alma we learn that sexual sins are only slightly better than murder and denying the Holy Ghost. So I think that answers his question. 
• Side, side note: The above guy noted to the class (after I might have pointed it out to him) that in one of the scriptures the word "seed" is used and then the footnote underneath reads, "TG birth control" - which I thought was interesting and somehow, in no way related. If someone were to look up birth control in the Topical Guide and was led to that scripture, I don't think it would have been very helpful.

We were also issued a challenge to read the Book of Mormon before our Stake Conference in April. That is a pretty lofty goal, but I definitely see that as a great idea. They especially challenged us to read the Book of Mormon and go through and mark every reference made to Jesus Christ. Then they passed out Books of Mormon to every member in our ward - and I took one. Which means that I am accepting the challenge. Even though it requires reading at least 10 pages a day.

The teacher in Relief Society told a story about studying for a major test for grad school and having no motivation to study. I, of course, could relate to a story like that - having lost all drive to do any sort of stats in months, and she talked about how she bowed her head and prayed that she would have an efficient study session after she read her scriptures. It put me in the mindset that I need to pray more, definitely study my scriptures for aggressively and devotedly. And so I have decided that I would read the Book of Mormon, again.

After church, we really needed to get a crazy start on getting things packed and organized for when we move in the next three weeks. Of course, I could have had all of my stuff moved out a while ago - but I've done nothing. We did spend the majority of the day in the basement trying to get Roberta to part with many of her things. This week will be hectic and backbreaking. I'm just grateful for so many friends willing to come and help.

A guy from our ward invited us to dinner of which his new roommate cooked all of it. It was delicious. And while sitting at the bar eating, I was talking to the chef and his girlfriend (?) and we were talking about pets. I am not a pet person, and when the girl mentioned her cat, I said, "I was raised to throw rocks at cats. I hate cats." She was not very pleased with this, and said something like, "You know that there will be cats in heaven, right?" "But there will also be rocks," her friend replied without missing a beat. It was very funny.

Lastly, Colin and William both dropped by tonight to help pack and offer candy and be a general pain in the butt about stats. I swear I can't leave a meeting with either of them bringing up that dreaded, wretched subject. I am pretty aware that I need to get a move on. And after much pleading, begging, bribing and overall pushiness, I know that it needs to be done. It doesn't stop the cloud of darkness from overshadowing me and any resemblance of happiness in my life. Which is really quite a shame - we were having such a pleasant visit. (They are really, the truest of true friends.)

Trade Off: Shelli's Version (Don't read this Meghan!)

My friend DeeAura posted this same blog post a few days ago...but, it is SO true that I couldn't help do the same.

Yesterday was a bad day. There were tears, frustration and phone calls made to Mom that included tears, complaining and frustration. That's the sort of thing that stats does to me on a regular basis. Of course it was made worse by seeing a low test score that I had hoped would be much higher. I had been almost confident when I went in to take the test, and then realized that no matter what I do or how much I know the material - I will still probably just barely pass the class. It squashed any type of motivation I had to move on to Unit 2. Gosh I hate stats.

So I was in a fairly bad mood. Emotional, bitter, resentful, angry, frustrated and anti-social. But I popped online and my sister's "For Shelli" folder of pictures had been updated. A new album had been created for Halloween pictures.

And I got to look at this cute thing for half an hour:

 

S

She's just stinkin' adorable. I can't even stand it. I could look at her all day. Seriously Amy, anytime you want me to take her - I will. You just have to get her here. :(