When wronged...

I've always liked to think of myself as someone who forgives and forgets. People that hold grudges have always seemed silly to me and the fact that people aren't able to move on - ridiculous.

But as I think about times in the past when people have wronged me, sometimes I can't quite distinguish whether or not I am just remembering past pains and experiences - or if I am really not quite over what has happened.

I was talking with Ashley about a certain past co-worker and I realized that even though it has been nearly 2 years since I've last seen her (not counting the time I passed her on the highway) I still think that she is one of the most immature, manipulative, vindictive, selfish, unprofessional, snobs I've ever met. Even previous good memories are washed out with the fact that this girl has way too much control for her own good - and she knows it and uses it to her advantage.

She deserves to be bi-slapped. She deserves to be thrown out on her hind-end and forced to work for a living instead of trying to run the personnel of her daddy's company. She deserves a good licking on the seat of her pants and probably a slap in the face.

The fact that she is still comfortably sitting at her father's company while others are unemployed is inconceivable. The fact that she is trying to get fired one of the most dedicated, efficient assets to the company is ridiculous.

Although I have tried to think of only good experiences with this particular individual, it is getting harder and harder to do so. I have to acknowledge that I was an idiot when I befriended her. A moron when I spent time outside of work with her. And an absolute retard for ever spending money to go on a trip with her (even if I did get some rockin' pictures from the trip...).

As much as I have tried to let her go, I can't help but think about how wronged I was when I was let go from the company - a fact that even my former boss still finds unfair. I find myself hating her more now than I did in October 2007.

And that isn't how forgiveness is supposed to work.

So, even though I have often prided myself on being someone who does not hold a grudge - pause for Amy and Mom to scoff - I realize that I do in fact hold grudges. I have a long memory for people who have truly hurt and/or wronged me. And I need to work on it and let God take care of the justice. Which is, I think, inevitably what I am waiting for. Where is the justice in getting fired when the girl who got you fired is still working her magic on daddy?