Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Underpaid

Oh dear.

I've just come back from a Relief Society activity where the first counselor of our bishopric gave a little presentation on money. You know, the standard, don't spend more than you make, put some away in savings, and for. the. love. get out of debt.



It was a good presentation, even if I have heard all of this before. Which only proved Brother Christensen's first point, that spending habits are a behavioral problem, and not an ignorance/knowledge problem. (Unless you're a Democrat? Just kidding. That's behavioral too. Ha. I'm kidding.)

Anyway, the above chart happened to be in his presentation and the data was from 2007, so I decided to look up more recent figures -- you know, ones that include recession numbers and such -- and I found that they are fairly comparable.

The thing not comparable? My own salary.

Not that I didn't know that, of course. I'd like to see....(pause while I Google this...) what the national average vs. state numbers are because I really believe that one of the reasons Utah's economy works so well, is because we don't pay our educated masses all that much. It's like outsourcing, only, with qualified people. (Two things: I didn't find a chart when I Googled. Maybe I should have Binged. But that doesn't have the same ring to it. And also, if you want to see what I'm talking about, just look at some of the job ads that they stuff like "Master's Degree preferred, but are only offering $30,000/year wages.)

Anyway, I'm making -- and this is before taxes -- the same as what this chart says someone with a high school diploma makes. Not even what a person with "some college" makes. Which is sort of depressing. But maybe they aren't taking into account the people that may have graduated but aren't working in their field. Or something.

Either way, it's pretty clear that I'm not working in a field where my education has paid. So... I know what that means I need to do. But I also don't know how to go about doing it. My first thought was that I should probably email this chart to my boss. Or, all the bosses in Utah.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Grounded

I just pulled all of my financial information together on mint.com, and basically, what I am being told (as if I didn't already know) is that I spend too freely, don't pay enough on my credit cards, and that I will be in debt FOR THE REST. OF. MY. LIFE.

Or, actually, until 2017, if I cut out all gratuitous spending. Five years seems likes a long time. A really long time. Or maybe, not really that long, considering I've lived in Utah for eight years....

This post is depressing me.

I've decided that I really need to be grounded. I need to quit charging plane tickets, no matter how much I want to go home for Christmas, (and I need to be more careful about making my flights and scheduling the right itineraries, etc.).

No more eating out.

No more eating period.

No more books.

No more weekend movies. No more full-priced movies.

No more Wicked tickets. Or theater tickets of any kind. And certainly no more extravagant gifts. No more new clothes. Or shoes. Or make-up. Or jewelry.

Back to coloring my own hair. (Shudder. Cringe. Full-blown tantrum.) No more getting pedicures, manicures, and definitely no more considering the idea of waxing, massages, or any other unnecessary beauty treatment.

No more doctor's appointments. And I better not get sick, either, because I'm not going to pay for meds.

Fewer cleaning products. (I buy a surprisingly large amount of these.)

No more dinner parties. Or throwing parties.

If I don't go anywhere, except to work, I won't have to buy as much gas.

I can't keep buying episodes of Suits and Justified on Amazon.com.

No more gym membership (that I don't use, anyway).

Continue to live in student housing, since clearly I can't afford to live on my own, yet.

Basically, I need to lock myself up in a room without internet access, and not come out except to go to work and to church, and then hope, that by 2017, I will be debt-free and not too past my prime that there still might be a chance that I'll find someone to marry. Because, let's face it, if I cut yourself out of 90% of social activities because I can't afford to participate; stop getting my hair done (hello, grays!) and buying my good make-up, and let my eyebrows grow out and my nails to look nasty; stop enjoying all the things I really love, because I don't want to pay for it or feel restless and unhappy because I hate being cooped up in one place for too long...

Once I've done all of that, I might be debt-free, but I'll be a pretty scary shell of a person. Can you just imagine? I'd be... hairy (razors are expensive too, so we might as well just throw them out) with long toe nails and gnawed off fingernails, wearing my $9 WalMart glasses (probably with the wrong prescription), long gray hair, no make-up, raggedy clothes, and completely out of touch with reality. Also, 32 years old.

Holy. Crap.

Yup, I'm definitely grounded. Maybe if I were to give up most of this stuff, then I could cut the five years down to three. The problem is: I know I did this to myself. I'm terrible about managing money. Budgeting is completely lost on me. So yeah, grounded.... No more. This has to end.

But first, I have to prepare for my trip to Hawaii. And I'm definitely going to need a new swimsuit for that. And a floppy hat...






Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Payday



I was doubting a little bit that Woman's World might not want my story. But, the arrival of their check makes me think otherwise. -- Look for my story on June 2, 2011.

It's probably not really that professional to be blogging and flaunting your paydays on the internet, but I'm really excited about this, because I think that there is something very validating and official about being paid a significant amount of money for your work.

Here's hoping that there are more of these little babies in the future!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Ugh.

I have friends that blog about how fun it is to clip coupons, shop discounts and get things for much cheaper than the sticker price. I have a sister who thinks that buying a McDonald's ice cream cone is splurging. And many, many people know how to live without because they can't afford it. I have another friend who seems to be making a boatload of money, which is probably true - but the reason he can drop hundreds of dollars on new furniture all within a week is because he is the master at budgeting.

I am not these people.

I need to be these people. It would be much better if any one of these hijacked my account and made sure I couldn't get my grimy hands on my own money. Mostly because 1) I don't have money and 2) I still spend like I do have money. Which leads to very stressful situations, or what I think of as dire situations. And I have to start thinking about getting a second job. Or planning my future.  Because anyone who knows me knows that I am not meant to live a poor life. Partly because I don't know how to say "no" to things that I want or go without what I need.

(And if anyone mentions a particular $450.00 ticket to Ohio... leave your argument at the door.)

The most recent problem came (not because of the aforementioned plane ticket) but because I had to pay first and last month's rent, on top of a deposit that was supposed to be paid by the girl I bought my contract from, and on top of all of that, rent that I didn't know I owed. Which depleted my savings. Completely.

So basically the money that I have been saving for months and months to go to London has been wiped out entirely. And what little I had left in my savings account has had to transfer over to cover basic bills. I am waiting for my deposit from the other apartment and the deposit from this girl - though I am doubting that she is really going to pay up.

So how do you turn $0 into money for a trip to New York, Scotland, Ohio and Ohio again and still afford groceries, bills, bills and more bills, gas money and frequent dining out.

You can't. And that's soooooooooooo depressing.

Friday, June 11, 2010

New Glasses

If you see me walking around in a pair of glasses like this, please don't make fun. I went to the optometrist yesterday and my prescription had increased from a -4.0 to a -5.0 in one eye and a -4.25 in the other. This is no beuno. Since I didn't even have enough money to buy contacts, but had to, I did not purchase a new pair of glasses.And boy am I glad that I didn't.

Glasses are expensive.

With frames going anywhere from $80 - $300 and the good lenses costing some $150 - $250, you'd go broke just trying to pair up a quality, stylish pair. So I'll probably end up with the thick pink/purple, plastic frames that they sell at WalMart for $18.

Oh, boy.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Money....or the lack thereof

I wonder what it would be like to live a life where you never wanted for anything. There are people out there like that... it must be odd. What would you complain about? What would you talk about if you could just go out and purchase anything your heart desires / needs?

In a twenty minute conversation I have realized that everything I want / need right now is SUPER expensive. Like such as:

  1. A new car. My car continues to break and do weird things. I think I can drag it out, but that might require putting more money into it. Which is not helpful at all. Andrew, my cousin, is convinced he could "find me something nice" that is reasonably priced. 
  2. A new computer. Mine is old. Running out of room. And not compatible with any wireless that I encounter. It's really a pain. Especially since having no internet means leaving the house in order to file taxes, do stats and anything else that might mean something in my life right now. I don't like to leave the house anymore. It's cold outside. So because I don't have internet in my new apartment set up, I haven't been doing much of anything. I'd also like to set up Photoshop (which is also a pricey addition) and buy a nice monitor to go with it.
  3. Trip to Europe. Yup. I'm going to Europe. And soon. This is the priority. I will let you know when I purchase my ticket.
Now, how am I supposed to afford all of that? Because when you look at the money coming in versus the money going out, you will see that there really isn't much to set aside. Even if I did not eat out 52876 times a week and I actually paid attention to how much gas I put into my car as well.... there still wouldn't be enough.

So I guess I could get a second job and donate plasma. Or actually finish stats and start applying to new jobs that pay more (Noooooooooooooo..... I won't do it! I love this job!) . Why can't my book just be published and sending me little checks in the mail? Oh, I remember.... never mind.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Must've Done Something Good

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment.

I am sitting in my office (off the clock now, of course) and it is late. I had to pick up a few proposals that are due tomorrow, ones that I am pretty proud of because I helped - a little bit - with some of the verbiage and a couple of the pages. When I called to let Peggy know that I was leaving the printers and that they would be in the office, she told me to make sure I got the envelope taped to my monitor.

I was driving, so I didn't really think much about it until I hung up the phone. And then I had to wonder. What was in the envelope? A termination letter? That was the first thought to go through my mind. Not that I think I deserve to be terminated, but just because that is my luck with jobs recently. Was there something that was work-related? Did she want to invite me to a tupperware party? Quite possibly, a thank you note?

I need to go back to the termination letter. You see, I have a hard time with getting into work. Once I'm here, I'm great. I think I get along with the guys OK, and Kevin keeps telling me that I'm doing a good job. He likes the way I write. I stay until the job is done. But I've had some close calls, where they are wondering where I am (even if I am running errands FOR work - I hate if they have to call me and ask where I am...) No one seems to care, but I care - not enough to make me WAKE UP or anything but I still care! - and so I am just waiting for the guillotine to fall. But it's too soon. And they have never said anything. And I sound more and more guilty as I type this out... Regardless, I was still coming up with all sorts of rebuttals for why they needed to keep me. And how I was finally finding my niche in the company. And that they couldn't possibly do without me. I'm a different employee than the lady I took over. I have different strengths. A lot of the times I am wondering if they wish she hadn't left, and that they had hired someone else. But every once in a while, I think, "No. I'm an asset to this company. I have something to give. I have a lot to give." But that's just every once and a while. Still, I like this job. I like it a lot. And I love the guys I work with. And I would really be in trouble if I lost my job. So I was going to fight it. I was going to convince Kevin that he couldn't fire me.

I looked at the letter the minute I walked in the door. It isn't a termination letter. Of course it isn't. Because KMA isn't ready to get rid of me and I'm not ready to leave. I'm going to get all the Word Perfect files converted to Word docs, and I'm going to rid all the specs of their superfluous periods. And I'm going to set a standard for how we do covers and documents and I like designing the spec book covers. And I'm getting rid of the Rolodex. You see, there is so much for me to do around here. They just can't get rid of me. So, like I said, it isn't a termination letter. In fact, it is a very generous "thank you" note that I still can't believe is sitting on my desk.

I don't know what I did to deserve this job - but let me tell you, it has been a blessing from the moment I walked in the door, so I must have done something good. I'm thankful everyday for my job, for my boss, for my co-workers. I dread waking up in the morning, but I never dread going to work. With the economy the way that it is, I know I am lucky to have a job. But more importantly, I'm blessed to have a job that I like and that likes me back.




And for some reason, this is the song that came to mind... (video above) I think it is one of my favorites from the Sound of Music and only partially appropriate for this. But I still love it.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

BEWARE! You, too, can have sensitive teeth and overdraft charges!


www.premiumwhitepro.com
www.myidolsmile.com

Oh Facebook! So full of knowledge and useless information. Used for cheap shout-outs, desperate requests for sympathy and product endorsement. Facebook itself is not a scam, at least, it hasn’t gotten me yet. And when a friend of mine posted as her status:

Judy Starbright* :))) I got my free teeth whitener trial today and my teeth are so shiny and white!! I feel like a new person.. for those of u that are gonna ask were I got it at here's the link, www.myidolsmile.net use promo code: whitetoday.. you're welcome!

*name changed to protect the innocent.
I thought, “Hey! I could really use that,” and didn’t stop to question what I was getting myself into. So I typed in the myidolsmile.net. The promo code said that if you paid $1.95 for shipping and handling, the product was FREE. How can you do better than that? The website seems legit. I didn’t really question anything, especially because if my friend had done it without problems, I assumed I would be fine as well. So I ordered it and provided my debit card number in order to pay for the shipping. I got a confirmation email from premiumwhitepro.com.
The product came within three weeks. So far, so good. It wasn’t very good quality, and the gel that they raved about was nothing special, and actually pretty gross. But it was a trial, and so I wasn’t too upset…until I checked my bank account and saw that Ultifreshwell had removed $49.89 from my account. I wasn’t sure what it was for, but I thought that maybe it meant they were sending me a longer lasting package, that I could send back for a refund, or something like that. Nothing else came in the mail. A few days later, Sup*Smilebright removed $86.93 from my account. And I currently have $48.23 pending to be taken out of my account from Sup*Whiteteeth.
I’ve canceled my bank card and started fraud cases on all three transactions, and of course, have yet to see whether or not that is going to be enough. I did some research after it all happened, because the numbers that are provided on the statement for the company are completely bogus. The numbers took me to a few discussion boards that talk about the ads seen online for “A stay at home mom discovers the trick to whiter teeth!” The discussion boards also give several different company names such as Dazzle Smile or Dazzle White. But they all sound like the same thing and they all have reoccurring charges on their account. Some resorted to closing their bank accounts altogether. I really don’t want it to get to that point, but it might be the only thing to stop the charges.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

You Know You're in the Wrong Ward When...

...your ward Christmas party is an auction where the members can afford $300+ items.

I've lived in the boundaries of my ward since May of this year. It has been a difficult adjustment, because I really loved my Omni Ward. I blamed the fact that I was out of town for most of the summer. Of course, fall semester is almost over and I don't know many more people than I did when I moved in. Becca and I try to attend all our activities. We go to FHE (we have to, Becca is the mom) and ward prayer and choir and we both participate in our calling. The Bishopric (who are all awesome!) all knows who we are. And yet, we still don't seem to be fitting in.

For a while we pretended that it was just the ward. We had heard that it was a hard ward to get into. But we've watched several move-ins in the last month or so integrate themselves into the ward without a problem. So, basically, we know that it is us .

Somehow, even though we are the coolest people you could possibly know, we give off a stand-offish vibe and are, surprisingly, forgettable. We've had countless numbers of people in our ward re-introduce themselves over and over.

I don't know what it is. Maybe it is the fact that I just feel so uncomfortable in my ward. I'm easily the heaviest girl in the relief society. I don't wear clothes from Forever XXI or Banana Republic or wherever they shop. I don't have a nice car or flawless hair and skin. I don't make my own hairbows or own a pair of expensive boots - I don't even own a pair of cool tights and I definitely don't wear 4-inch heels. So it is clear that I don't look like any of the girls. I don't run marathons. I don't date. I haven't traveled anywhere really cool. I really just don't feel like I fit "in" with these girls. The guys in our ward go for the girls in my relief society - or, they do enough to talk to them....they haven't really gotten the dating/marriage thing down, or it would be happening more often. Whatever the case may be, I don't talk to many of the guys in my ward.

And after tonight, I must admit, I don't know that I ever will! I think of the quote in the movie Pride & Prejudice when Lizzie is protesting against visiting Pemberley because Darcy is so rich and her uncle says, "Why Lizzie, what a snob you are!" And I have to admit, I am sort of a snob against the rich. We went to our ward Christmas party tonight at the Spring Haven Lodge. They have been talking about this activity for a few months in ward council and whenever they did, I kept thinking to myself, "These people are nuts! No one is going to spend that much" or "You'll never get them to do that!" But boy was I wrong! After dinner we had a service auction, where we were to bid on the services offered by a ward member. Money bid would then be used to purchase money for the Utah Food Coalition. I've done things like this before. Services offered were like: bake a cake, clean the kitchen, a haircut or something similar. Granted, we had some of these things. (I offered to bake a cheesecake.) But this auction had items like: An overnight 6-person horseback trip in Wyoming, a weekend in Vegas at a house owned by the member, a weekend in a cabin with snow mobiles provided, an opportunity to volunteer in a Mexican orphanage, a day skiing at Sundance for six people, etc. etc. Basically, it was crazy. More crazy, the fact that people were bidding $300-400!

I don't know about you, but I don't have $400 laying around for a Fly Fishing trip. My measly cheesecake was no comparison. And I left feeling the same way.

I have a feeling that if the Christmas party was the first activity I ever attended, I would have gone RUNNING back to the Omni and not thought twice about it. As it is, I will only be in this ward for another month or so and then I am moving to try a more poor-college-student-friendly ward closer to campus. We'll see how that goes.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

A Day of Disappointments

When something goes wrong in life I like to solve it in one of three ways.
  1. Do nothing
  2. Spend money
  3. Eat junk
I think the title gives away the fact that I did all of the following today. I really did have great plans my, now, treasured Saturdays. Saturday is, after all, the day we get the work done-day. Having spent the night in Huber as a Relief Society activity last night, I figured that I would actually be awake at a reasonable hour. Which I was, and we were back in Provo by 11:00am (after spending fifteen minutes trying to find a way AROUND the stupid homecoming parade - that no one seemed to be watching) or so.

After taking a shower and getting ready for the day, I pulled up my stats to do a quick review before I went to take my test. Unfortunately, the Independent Study office is not open on Saturdays. Which means - no test. I hate that. I hate that I think that I am ready for this test - or as ready as I will ever be (I'm sure I'd do a lot better if they would just let William come take the test with me... he wouldn't have to tell me anything, just be there for the extra brain power and allow me to talk through some of my more stupid mistakes) - and I couldn't. That seems to be a running theme with this whole stupid class. Every time I actually want to make progress - I am barred in someway from doing so.

With the free time I now had on my hands, I felt like I should do something productive like clean my room (which is disgusting... Stupid laundry!) or work on my Halloween costume or move on to the next lesson in Stats and worry about the test on Monday.... the list is basically endless. Not to mention that I am currently reading three books but haven't been able to get past a page or two at a time because I am SO tired all the time now.

And then I remembered. My brakes in my car have been periodically squeaking. I bought brakes a while ago when an acquaintance offered to change them for me. I shouldn't have trusted him from the beginning - after all, he doesn't seem the "car guru" type anyway. When he came over, he struggled getting the lug nuts off (by struggling I mean, of course, that he never did accomplish the feat), broke the key to get the lug nuts off and then we basically gave up. He took a look at the brakes, we drove the car around hearing only a single squeak and then returned. He declared that the brakes were good. They probably had a while yet on them. As this was something I wanted to hear - I believed him. I still had every intention to get the brakes checked, regardless, but I wasn't in as desperate a hurry. The last few days, though, I've noticed that the squealing was worse. I didn't think there was grinding, until I saw the possible brake dust on my wheels. So, having been spared my Stats test, I took the car in with my $50 off coupon and a book for the wait only to find that I didn't just need brakes.

I needed a whole brake system.

Not just shoes and pads (are those the same thing?) but calipers and rotors and front brakes and back brakes...and every ten minutes Tyler - the one I thought was just so lovely and customer-service oriented when I called to see if he could fit me in, and then the same who met me in the front as I pulled in my car - would come out and tell me that I needed another $100+ part. Apparently my brake fluid was dirty and dirty fluid is detrimental to a car. It ruined the whole brake system. The calipers on the right side were grinding my rotors to the point where they couldn't be refinished and the brakes were unevenly worn on the left and right sides.

Like I really have a clue what they are talking about.

I know I could have taken it somewhere else to get a second opinion. But really, when was I going to do that? And I like Big O Tires (although, I will go back to the Orem one, not the Provo one from now on) because they know me and I trust them, mostly because I've worked with them and they've saved my bacon a few times. I just wanted to get it done. I knew they needed work, I had been prepared to get the front brakes changed and possible the back ones (having only discovered that there were back brakes when I bought the brakes in the first place.) Tyler tried to convince me not to use the brakes that I bought, but I persisted. That saved me, oh, $20. Maybe. What a discount! I'm told that they also provided me with a FREE brake flush. I thought it was all very generous.

In the end, it cost me $708.49. Aren't we all SO glad that I have a job now? I know I am certainly grateful.

Needless to say, I needed chocolate after such an excursion. (Also, I just remembered that they were supposed to fix/replace the key to my lug nuts, and I don't know if they did or not...)

Anyway, I went to the grocery and picked up some things - one being little less than half a gallon (I know you've all noticed the smaller portions and higher prices on the ice cream) that was on sale of chocolate ice cream. Along with a few other items. At least I didn't have to charge this purchase.

I came home, ate my peanut butter and jelly sandwich - severely lacking, now that I am out of my mom's jam - and watched about a half hour of TV because there is nothing on TV anymore. And then did nothing. So my laundry isn't done. My stats test still looms over my head. My room is a mess.

Boo.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

COULD YOU SURVIVE WITHOUT MONEY? MEET THE GUY WHO DOES

In Utah, a modern-day caveman has lived for the better part of a decade on zero dollars a day. People used to think he was crazy (I still do...think he's crazy even if I am thoroughly impressed.)

By Christopher Ketcham; Photograph by Mark Heithoff

DANIEL SUELO LIVES IN A CAVE. UNLIKE THE average American—wallowing in credit-card debt, clinging to a mortgage, terrified of the next downsizing at the office—he isn't worried about the economic crisis. That's because he figured out that the best way to stay solvent is to never be solvent in the first place. Nine years ago, in the autumn of 2000, Suelo decided to stop using money. He just quit it, like a bad drug habit.

His dwelling, hidden high in a canyon lined with waterfalls, is an hour by foot from the desert town of Moab, Utah, where people who know him are of two minds: He's either a latter-day prophet or an irredeemable hobo. Suelo's blog, which he maintains free at the Moab Public Library, suggests that he's both. "When I lived with money, I was always lacking," he writes. "Money represents lack. Money represents things in the past (debt) and things in the future (credit), but money never represents what is present."

On a warm day in early spring, I clamber along a set of red-rock cliffs to the mouth of his cave, where I find a note signed with a smiley face: CHRIS, FEEL FREE TO USE ANYTHING, EAT ANYTHING (NOTHING HERE IS MINE). From the outside, the place looks like a hollowed teardrop, about the size of an Amtrak bathroom, with enough space for a few pots that hang from the ceiling, a stove under a stone eave, big buckets full of beans and rice, a bed of blankets in the dirt, and not much else. Suelo's been here for three years, and it smells like it.

Night falls, the stars wink, and after an hour, Suelo tramps up the cliff, mimicking a raven's call—his salutation—a guttural, high-pitched caw. He's lanky and tan; yesterday he rebuilt the entrance to his cave, hauling huge rocks to make a staircase. His hands are black with dirt, and his hair, which is going gray, looks like a bird's nest, full of dust and twigs from scrambling in the underbrush on the canyon floor. Grinning, he presents the booty from one of his weekly rituals, scavenging on the streets of Moab: a wool hat and gloves, a winter jacket, and a white nylon belt, still wrapped in plastic, along with Carhartt pants and sandals, which he's wearing. He's also scrounged cans of tuna and turkey Spam and a honeycomb candle. All in all, a nice haul from the waste product of America. "You made it," he says. I hand him a bag of apples and a block of cheese I bought at the supermarket, but the gift suddenly seems meager.

Suelo lights the candle and stokes a fire in the stove, which is an old blackened tin, the kind that Christmas cookies might come in. It's hooked to a chain of soup cans segmented like a caterpillar and fitted to a hole in the rock. Soon smoke billows into the night and the cave is warm. I think of how John the Baptist survived on honey and locusts in the desert. Suelo, who keeps a copy of the Bible for bedtime reading, is satisfied with a few grasshoppers fried in his skillet.


HE WASN'T ALWAYS THIS WAY. SUELO graduated from the University of Colorado with a degree in anthropology, he thought about becoming a doctor, he held jobs, he had cash and a bank account. In 1987, after several years as an assistant lab technician in Colorado hospitals, he joined the Peace Corps and was posted to an Ecuadoran village high in the Andes. He was charged with monitoring the health of tribespeople in the area, teaching first aid and nutrition, and handing out medicine where needed; his proudest achievement was delivering three babies. The tribe had been getting richer for a decade, and during the two years he was there he watched as the villagers began to adopt the economics of modernity. They sold the food from their fields—quinoa, potatoes, corn, lentils—for cash, which they used to purchase things they didn't need, as Suelo describes it. They bought soda and white flour and refined sugar and noodles and big bags of MSG to flavor the starchy meals. They bought TVs. The more they spent, says Suelo, the more their health declined. He could measure the deterioration on his charts. "It looked," he says, "like money was impoverishing them."

The experience was transformative, but Suelo needed another decade to fashion his response. He moved to Moab and worked at a women's shelter for five years. He wanted to help people, but getting paid for it seemed dishonest—how real was help that demanded recompense? The answer lay, in part, in the Christianity of his childhood. In Suelo's nascent philosophy, following Jesus meant adopting the hard life prescribed in the Sermon on the Mount. "Giving up possessions, living beyond credit and debt," Suelo explains on his blog, "freely giving and freely taking, forgiving all debts, owing nobody a thing, living and walking without guilt . . . grudge [or] judgment." If grace was the goal, Suelo told himself, then it had to be grace in the classical sense, from the Latin gratia, meaning favor—and also, free.

By 1999, he was living in a Buddhist monastery in Thailand—he had saved just enough money for the flight. From there, he made his way to India, where he found himself in good company among the sadhus, the revered ascetics who go penniless for their gods. Numbering as many as 5 million, the sadhus can be found wandering roads and forests across the subcontinent, seeking enlightenment in self-abnegation. "I wanted to be a sadhu," Suelo says. "But what good would it do for me to be a sadhu in India? A true test of faith would be to return to one of the most materialistic, money-worshipping nations on earth and be a sadhu there. To be a vagabond in America, a bum, and make an art of it—the idea enchanted me."

THERE ISN'T ENOUGH SPACE IN SUELO'S cave for two, so I sleep in the open, at the edge of a hundred-foot cliff. No worries about animals, he says. Though mountain lions drink from the stream, and bobcats hunt rabbits under the cottonwoods, the worst he's experienced was a skunk that sprayed him in the face. Mice scurry over his body in the cave, and kissing bugs sometimes suck the blood from under his fingernails while he sleeps. He shrugs off these indignities. "After all, it's their cave too," he says. I hunker down near a nest of scorpions, which crawl up the canyon walls, ignoring me.

The morning ritual is simple and slow: a cup of sharp tea brewed from the needles of piñon and juniper trees, a swim in the cold emerald water where the creek pools in the red rock. Then, two naked cavemen lounging under the Utah sun. Around noon, we forage along the banks and under the cliffs, looking for the stuff of a stir-fry dinner. We find mustard plants among the rocks, the raw leaves as satisfying as cauliflower, and down in the cool of the creek—where Suelo gets his water and takes his baths (no soap for him) —we cull watercress in heads as big as supermarket lettuce, and on the bank we spot a lode of wild onions, with bulbs that pop clean from the soil. In leaner times, Suelo's gatherings include ants, grubs, termites, lizards, and roadkill. He recently found a deer, freshly run over, and carved it up and boiled it. "The best venison of my life," he says.

I tell him that living without money seems difficult. What about starvation? He's never gone without a meal (friends in Moab sometimes feed him). What about getting deadly ill? It happened once, after eating a cactus he misidentified—he vomited, fell into a delirium, thought he was dying, even wrote a note for those who would find his corpse. But he got better. That it's hard is exactly the point, he says. "Hardship is a good thing. We need the challenge. Our bodies need it. Our immune systems need it. My hardships are simple, right at hand—they're manageable." When I tell him about my rent back in New York—$2,400 a month—he shakes his head. What's left unsaid is that I'm here writing about him to make money, for a magazine that depends for its survival on the advertising revenue of conspicuous consumption. As he prepares a cooking fire, Suelo tells me that years ago he had a neighbor in the canyon, an alcoholic who lived in a cave bigger than his. The old man would pan for gold in the stream and net enough cash each month to buy the beer that kept him drunk. Suelo considers the riches of our own forage. "What if we saw gold for what it is?" he says meditatively. "Gold is pretty but virtually useless. Somebody decided it has worth, and everybody accepted this decision. The natives in the Americas thought Europeans were insane because of their lust for such a useless yellow substance."

He sautés the watercress, mustard leaves, and wild onions, mixing in fresh almonds he picked from a friend's orchard and ghee made from Dumpster-dived butter, and we eat out of his soot-caked pans. From the perch on the cliff, the life of the sadhu seems reasonable. But I don't want to live in a cave. I like indoor plumbing (Suelo squats). I like electricity. Still, there's an obvious beauty in the simplicity of subsistence. It's an un-American notion these days. We don't revere our ascetics, and we dismiss the idea that money could be some kind of consensual delusion. For most of us, it's as real as the next house payment. Suelo doesn't take public assistance or use food stamps, but he does survive in part on our reality, the discarded surfeit of the money system that he denounces—a system, as it happens, that recently looked like it was headed for the cliff.

Suelo is 48, and he doesn't exactly have a 401(k). "I'll do what creatures have been doing for millions of years for retirement," he says. "Why is it sad that I die in the canyon and not in the geriatric ward well-insured? I have great faith in the power of natural selection. And one day, I will be selected out." Until then, think of him like the raven, cleaning up the carcasses the rest of us leave behind.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Material Girl

It's always the things that we can't have that dominate our thoughts the most.

This is probably the reason I like to read "romance" novels; why I crave chocs and sveets and FOOD every time I think about dieting; and why, oh why, I want to just spend money like crazy ever since I lost my job.

I am lucky I don't have to work right now. This semester I have enough money from a loan that will pay for all my expenses, as long as I keep it closely budgeted and do not spend money on excess or luxury items. Crap.

As soon as I start working again, I am going to go on a shopping spree. And this is what I am going to buy:

  1. A trip. I want to get on a plane and go somewhere. Maybe California. Maybe somewhere East. I don't care where - I just want out of Utah.
  2. Shoes. Oh, shoes! I need shoes. I want to waterproof my boots. I want to buy a cute pair of black, pointy-toed flats. I want some cute heels that are totally impractical. I want goulashes.
  3. Clothes. I need clothes, too. I need jeans. I need shirts. I need... I can't have. But I am not going to be worrying about the price when I go shopping. If I want to spend $245 on a cute dress, maybe I'll actually do it... I don't think I could spend that much on a dress. But still. I want to go shopping for clothes and not worry about how much I am paying.
  4. A camera! Two camera. An SLR and a regular digital camera. Mine is broken and it is very sad.
  5. MUSIC! I want to go onto a website and download a bunch of music, legally. But that costs money. I will wait.
  6. Books. I could spend a lot of money on books. I already spend more than I should. I would spend more if I could.
  7. Pedicures. Heaven on earth, need I say more?
  8. New kitchen stuff. In the past weeks I've lost a cake decorating tip, a can opener, and a beer glass. My pots are ruined, and we eat Teflon-peppered food on a regular basis. I would love to change this.
  9. A gym membership. Yes, that's right. And one that I would use too.
  10. Furniture. Like a bed frame. And a dresser. A side table and a lamp. Oh the possibilities of making my new room CUTE! I don't want plastic furniture anymore.
*Sigh.* Someday. Someday soon I will be able to have a little bit of extra cash. But until then, keep me out of the stores!

Search This Blog

Related Stories

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...