Writing Realistic Love Stories

I don't think it is a secret that I write and read romances. There's something about them that I just can't seem to give up, and I've really only tried (to give them up) halfheartedly anyway. Despite having a great love for these stories, I will be the first to admit that they are completely unrealistic, almost always cheesy, and just a little bit vomit-inducing.

I was talking to a friend and he asked, "Why can't a realistic love story be written?"

My immediate answer: It can't. It just can't. Not in a romance novel. Because there is always going to be an element of cheese. Because do guys really say those things that makes your heart melt and kicks up a flock of butterflies in your stomach?


Kisses this awesome have to be scripted and acted out. I'm beginning to think that they don't really happen in real life.

Besides, if realistic love stories were written, you'd have to include all the mundane things. The annoying habits that you have to put up with...

I don't know. The closest thing I've read to a "real" love story is in Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series. And even though the love story seems to ring true (if just a little puffed up) the rest of the story isn't, what with the witches and time travel and magic stones. Movies that portray "real" love stories end up like Blue Valentine, which is just depressing.

When I wrote my book, I tried to make it a realistic love story. It just got boring. So I threw in some things that I hope happen to absolutely nobody in real life.

I guess there's a reason we call it fiction; and a reason why the genre is so popular. We have to get our fixes of this overly-passionate, unrealistic love somewhere, because we aren't going to get it in our real lives.

Underpaid

Oh dear.

I've just come back from a Relief Society activity where the first counselor of our bishopric gave a little presentation on money. You know, the standard, don't spend more than you make, put some away in savings, and for. the. love. get out of debt.



It was a good presentation, even if I have heard all of this before. Which only proved Brother Christensen's first point, that spending habits are a behavioral problem, and not an ignorance/knowledge problem. (Unless you're a Democrat? Just kidding. That's behavioral too. Ha. I'm kidding.)

Anyway, the above chart happened to be in his presentation and the data was from 2007, so I decided to look up more recent figures -- you know, ones that include recession numbers and such -- and I found that they are fairly comparable.

The thing not comparable? My own salary.

Not that I didn't know that, of course. I'd like to see....(pause while I Google this...) what the national average vs. state numbers are because I really believe that one of the reasons Utah's economy works so well, is because we don't pay our educated masses all that much. It's like outsourcing, only, with qualified people. (Two things: I didn't find a chart when I Googled. Maybe I should have Binged. But that doesn't have the same ring to it. And also, if you want to see what I'm talking about, just look at some of the job ads that they stuff like "Master's Degree preferred, but are only offering $30,000/year wages.)

Anyway, I'm making -- and this is before taxes -- the same as what this chart says someone with a high school diploma makes. Not even what a person with "some college" makes. Which is sort of depressing. But maybe they aren't taking into account the people that may have graduated but aren't working in their field. Or something.

Either way, it's pretty clear that I'm not working in a field where my education has paid. So... I know what that means I need to do. But I also don't know how to go about doing it. My first thought was that I should probably email this chart to my boss. Or, all the bosses in Utah.

Dance!

make a gif

 Kelsie dancing...

Great Cover of a Great Song

I'm digging this cover of Adele's Someone Like You, which is perfect for this mopey mood I'm in right now.

Miss Representation

Over the weekend I stumbled upon a documentary that I think touches on a really important subject and I hope will inspire people to seek change.

The film is called Miss Representation and documents the sexualization of women in the media and how it affects our society and how it has changed the way girls view themselves. It showed staggering statistics and highlighted things that most of us probably think about in passing, but have generally accepted it as "just the way things are."

One of the things that hit me was the section it did on the past election with both Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin in the mix, and how the media focused more on what they were wearing and less on their actual politics. I wasn't a huge supporter of either woman, but listening to the way they were referred to in the media made me angry.

(SOUNDBITE OF DOCUMENTARY, "MISS REPRESENTATION")

BILL O'REILLY: Both you and Sarah Palin are good-looking women. I mean, you're attractive, young - relatively young - women.

MICHAEL SAVAGE: Kagan he's going to put on the U.S. Supreme Court? Isn't there such a thing about the aesthetics of the appointee? Let's put it to you this way, she's not the type of face you'd want to see on a five-dollar bill.

RUSH LIMBAUGH: I think I'm going to send Sotomayor and her club a bunch of vacuum cleaners to help them clean up after their meetings.

UNIDENTIFIED MAN #1: Cynthia McKinney, the former congresswoman from Georgia, was another angry black woman.

LEE RODGERS: Look at these ugly skanks who make up the female leadership of the Democratic Party.

UNIDENTIFIED MAN #2: You know that ugly hag Madeleine Albright? Remember her?

Hags? Skanks? Really? How is this acceptable? One of the other points from the film talked about how in the media, when a women politician speaks out about a policy they are said to "complain" about it, but if their male counterpart said the same thing, they would have "stated" it.

The film talked about how in the 20s, 30s and 40s, women in films were often well-rounded, complex characters that played multiple roles within the movie. Now, we have the bimbo, the ho and the accomplished proud women that is seen more as a b*tch that needs to be taken down a peg (think The Proposal).

The more I watched the documentary, the more I realized that people need to be educated on this very topic. The documentary was shown on the OWN network on television, and there are scheduled screenings throughout the country. To my friends in Utah, December 1, in Ogden is our showing. I encourage anybody and everybody to watch it.

Start:	December 1, 2011 7:00 pm
End:	December 1, 2011 9:00 pm
Venue:	Ogden Weber Chamber Auditorium
Address:	2484 Washington Blvd, Ogden, 84401, United States
Cost:	Free

NPR interviewed the writer and director of Miss Representation, Jennifer Siebel Newsom. You can find the transcript here. Also, take a minute to check out the website, www.missrepresentation.org and their facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/MissRepresentationCampaign.



Remember, "You can't be what you can't see."

Zombie Song

A friend of mine posted this on his blog today, and I've been obsessed with it ever since. It's the best, most catchy, most awesome Halloween/Zombie song of all time.

Minute to Win It Games - Bollschweiler Style

I am not a huge fan of the Minute to Win It Games... but when Grandma (or a birthday person *cough*JEN*cough*) request/demand that I participate, I'm down.

Of course, playing a game with the Bollschweilers is always risky. Usually everyone is screaming and yelling. Sometimes we draw blood. And ALWAYS we cheat. What can I say, it's in the genes.

In this video, we see evidence that the youngest brother, Uncle Allen, and his spawn only exemplifies the tradition of cheating. Luckily, Brad is pretty easy going and still manages to put up a good fight, despite Gabe's lack of respect for the rules. We were impressed with the way the asthmatic beat everyone out in his round, but it only took video evidence to show that we were placing our trust in the wrong person.

We declared Brad the winner by default. If you cheat, you have to at least pretend to be sneaky about it!





Oh, and here's proof that I played too:

I would have won, too, if I hadn't had to STOP and hand my mom the camera so that this lovely picture could take place. Oh the sacrifices I make!

A Party A Party A Party

I took some videos of Kelsie while she was in town. That girl cracks me up. She certainly has a cute sense of humor and says the darndest things.

She was playing with our Peep Show, mostly because it was the only thing that resembled toys in our apartment.




We (my roommate and I) really miss her around the house. Come visit us any time, little girl!

Miniature Croquet

A friend of ours was turned 25 today. Knowing how traumatic it was for me, I knew we had to do something special. Luckily, I didn't have to do any of the planning. After eating some delicious Thai food (pumpkin curry -- it's my new favorite thing), we headed over to the Provo Beach Resort.

I've heard some mention of it, but didn't know exactly what it was. It's like, a Boondocks, only, instead of go-karts and miniature golf, they have a hot tub and surfing area, a place where you have to move stealthily through lasers like they do in the movies, high-wire ropes and the like, and miniature croquet (see the video above).

Miniature croquet probably doesn't sound like it is too complicated, but get the birthday boy, his brother, Megan and me together, and we had a hard time figuring it out. We spent the first 20 minutes on the first "section", and the attendant even had to come over and make sure we weren't confused (we were, but didn't want him to know it). It was OK though. I'm not certain I got the point system right, and I'm sure I gave the birthday boy more than he was supposed to get in the first round. But that's no big deal. After getting the hang of things, we breezed through the other areas. My ball only got stuck in the bonus area once. None of us effectively used the "poison" rule, though, and that might have changed things up  a bit if we had.

Miniature croquet laced with confusion and innuendo is just as fun an activity as anything else I've tried.

I don't know if it's a very "manly" sport. Between the mandatory rule of hitting the ball with the mallet swinging through your legs, and not being able to hit the ball clear across...anywhere, it lacks a lot of luster that original croquet brings to the game.

I really hope that everyone else had fun, because I enjoyed it. Five "sections" for $6 is probably an OK price, although, I'm glad that we had the area basically to ourselves. If we had felt rushed, it wouldn't have been nearly as worth it.

Happy 25th, Kade! (What state am I thinking of, now?)

Santa Fe, New Mexico

Nearly two years ago, the FTC went to Santa Fe. There is little documented evidence of this fact, due to the fact that as Queen of the FTC, I also hold many other duties such as historian. However, being historian requires having the history of the event... and these pictures have been held hostage for this length of time. I've finally retrieved the pictures and thanks to the fact that I have no self-control, I have put together a little slide show.




Since it has been so long, I hardly remember anything that happened. We drove down to Santa Fe and listened to Harry Potter for the 10 hour drive. We stayed at the Sage Inn and explored the plaza the next day. We had been told that it would be warm, so we weren't really prepared for the rainy, 50 and 60-degree temperature that we experienced. We visited the National Treasures art/craft fair. We explored Bandelier National Park and climbed through the ancient pueblo ruins. We went white water rafting (level 3) and Fern and I almost crapped ourselves, we were so scared! It, of course, was really fun floating down the Rio Grande. We ate good food. Watched the basketball playoffs, hunted for chocolate, and went to bed at a decent hour.


Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

Thankful Post #1

I'm not being consistent with my Season of Thanksgiving posts. Season of Thanksgiving posts? You ask... well, it's just the latest blogging trend, and I haven't hopped onto the bandwagon yet.

So here is is... post #1, and I DARE you to watch this video and not bawl your eyes out. No, it's not Steel Magnolias and it isn't The Legend of the Fall or any such thing. But I can't make it through the first 15 seconds without tears, and about three minutes into it, my nose is running and I'm sobbing...

I think the first time I tried to watch this, I was at work and I had to turn it off because I was getting too emotional.

I think my favorite part is at 1:30 - 1:50.



I'm thankful to be living in this country. But more, I am thankful for the patriots, for the men and women out there serving to keep this country free and protected. And I'm thankful that there are mothers and fathers, husbands and wives and children out there that let their loved ones out there to fight for our freedom, knowing the risks involved.

I'm so grateful to the sacrifices that those in this video and the countless other - including my friends and family - who have put their lives on hold, who left their new bride, or went away before getting the chance to meet their son or daughter all for the sake of freedom. We owe these men and women are very deepest respect, the greatest honor and as many prayers as we can offer up.

Thank you.

*I'm still sniffling... how did you fare?

Harry Potter Countdown

I know I'm not the only one excited about the newest Harry Potter movie!


This countdown can also serve as the countdown to the birthday present! YAY!

Inspiring Video - Gianna Jessen

This is an amazing speech from a female preacher named Gianna Jessen. She was supposed to be aborted in a late stage abortion and but survived the saline injection while in utero, it handicapped her - but she was able to overcome and the only real evidence of her handicap is that she walks with a slight limp. This video comes from 2008 and she's speaking to Australian Parliament about abortion, and really, about her testimony of God. The video I watched was 16 minutes long and the whole thing was really good, but I couldn't actually find it to post. I did find a video that included my favorite part.

"For a brief moment, I would like to speak to the men in this room... MEN: You are made for greatness. You are made to stand up and be men. You are made to defend women and children, not stand by and turn your head when you know murder is occurring and do nothing about it. You are not made to use women and leave us alone. You are made to be kind and great and gracious and strong and stand for something...

"WOMEN: You are not made for abuse. You are not made to sit and not know your worth and your value. You are made to be fought for. Forever.

"So now is your moment. What sort of people are you going to be? I trust incredible. I trust, men, you will rise to the occasion... you are made for greatness, set your politics aside. You are made to defend what is right and good...now is your moment. What sort of man do you want to be? A man obsessed with your own glory or a man obsessed with the glory of God? It's time to take a stand...God will assist you. God will be with you."




She mentions that this is something that is never done, but really it sounds like something you hear in General Conference every six months. Only, she doesn't have the "Relief Society voice."

Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wife

Kira showed this to me while we were waiting for our meat to...smoke?






Go to my blog to watch the attached videos. Hilarious.

Country Music: Explained

I don't like country music. Or I say I don't...because most the time I can only listen to one, maybe two songs, before I have to change the station.

But once in an inexplicable moment, and despite the strange looks I get from the majority of the guys in the office or even to my own chagrin, I will turn on the country. I didn't ever really think I could explain why I got in these moods, but after yesterdays emotional breakdown, I think I've figured it out.

I play country music when I have a lot of unexplained emotions. I'm usually on the verge of tears or seconds away from pushing a guy against a wall or waiting for an excuse to run down some poor pedestrian. It doesn't matter whether I'm happy, sad or lonely. I could be excited or...whatever emotion, if it is more intense than normal (my emotions tend to run on the intense side always) then I turn on the country music and sing my lungs out.

Usually it's a particular playlist.

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum
Your Man - Josh Turner
No Rush - Josh Turner
Real Good Man - Tim McGraw
I Wanna Make You Close Your Eyes - Dierks Bentley
I'll Take That as a Yes - Phil Vassar
Nothing on But the Radio - Gary Allen
Like We Never Loved at All - Faith Hill (& Tim McGraw)
Rodeo - Garth Brooks
Who's Your Daddy - Toby Keith
You Wouldn't Be Gone - Blake Shelton
Let Me Touch You - Alison Krauss
When You Say Nothing at All - Alison Krauss
Whiskey Lullaby - Alison Krauss and Brad Paisley

Yes, Garth. He's on the list. Even though when I was 16, I tried desperately to like him and I've only found maybe 3-5 songs that I like of his despite his many, many albums. Normally I just say that I can't stand him. Normally I say that I can't stand country. But at least my play list is a good country list.

Ah, well...

The Book of Mormon

I LOVE Elder Holland.



He always tells it exactly like it is.

[video in embedded in this post]

His Hands

A girl in my ward sang His Hands (by Kenneth Cope) in Sacrament Meeting for a special musical number today. She was singing it as a solo and I was nervous for her because of her song choice. See, this song makes me cry every time I hear it (even now that I have a stone heart -- which, consequently, I feel like it has been chipping away as of late, but that's another post). I can't listen to it without crying. And I certainly can't sing it without crying - trust me, I just tried to and it didn't go over well - and so for her to take on this song, I was very impressed. Not only did she sound really well, but she didn't cry. I was impressed.

Here are the lyrics. See if you can read them without getting a little emotional.

his hands
tools of creation
stronger than nations
power without end
and yet through them we find our truest friend
his hands
sermons of kindness
healing men's blindness
halting years of pain
children waiting to be held again

his hands would serve his whole life though
showing man what hands might do
giving, ever giving, endlessly
each day was filled with selflessness
and I’ll not rest until I make up my hands what they could be
'til these hands become like those from Galilee

his hands
lifting a leper
warming a beggar
calling back the dead
breaking bread, five thousand fed
his hands
hushing contention
pointing to heaven
ever free of sin
then bidding man to follow him

his hands would serve his whole life though
showing man what hands might do
giving, ever giving, endlessly
each day was filled with selflessness
and I’ll not rest until I make up my hands what they could be
'til these hands become like those from Galilee

his hands
clasped in agony
as he lay pleading, bleeding in the garden
while just moments away
other hands betray him
out of greed, shameful greed
and then his hands
are trembling
straining to carry the beam that they've been led to
as he stumbles through the streets
heading towards the hill on which he died
he would die
they take his hands, his mighty hands, those gentle hands
and then they pierce them, they pierce them
he lets them, because of love
from birth to death was selflessness
and clearly now I see him with his hands
calling to me
and though I’m not yet as I would be
he has shown me how I could be
I will make my hands like those from GalileeAlso, the Mormon Message on lds.org is super good. The apostles and Prophets of this Church are so eloquent. And though I can't say what they are saying without sounding like a blubbering idiot, I want you to know that I echo what they say. How lucky we are to have the knowledge we have of our Savior.




Also, can I just say how much I love our Church? I love that they are using technology like youtube.com. I love that they are constantly coming out with helps for us. I love that we can access our favorite talks from conference NOW instead of waiting for the Ensign to come out next month. I love how much LOVE the President and Prophet and the prophets and apostles down to the bishop of our ward have for each of the members.

Hopefully you will watch the videos attached to this when you get a chance.

"There's something wrong with your toilet..."

Also, see previous post... but this is what it totally made me think of.

Swooooooooon

A Little Flute Practice

So the video is nothing interesting to look at, but it is just me playing my flute. I brought it back to Utah with me the last time I went home because I wanted to pick it back up. I've been practicing flute more than stats, really... well, maybe it is about the same.

The first song is Come Thou Fount and the second it the first few lines of Claire de Lune. I'm not good at either, because I can't do really high notes and I can't do really low notes. And well, the counting throws me off and I can't sight read. There were more songs that I was going to post, but I'm too embarrassed to post just yet. Sometimes I play them really well, and other days I'm just off. I have a book with Harry Potter music and another with a medley of hymns. Those are hard because I don't really know how they are supposed to sound, and so a lot of the time I am making up the melody.

Ah, well... I'm trying to get better. C keeps threatening to sign me up for the musical fireside our ward wants to have (also, I'm hard-pressed to think of another ward that has more firesides than we do. I swear, last month we had one every Sunday. And they've already started it for after conference next week.) I tell C that I am not good enough to play in front of people, but she's a hard person to convince. However, I played the agency card, and I think she took the hint. I'll let you all know when I go public with my playing again...maybe in about 10 years.