I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment.
I am sitting in my office (off the clock now, of course) and it is late. I had to pick up a few proposals that are due tomorrow, ones that I am pretty proud of because I helped - a little bit - with some of the verbiage and a couple of the pages. When I called to let Peggy know that I was leaving the printers and that they would be in the office, she told me to make sure I got the envelope taped to my monitor.
I was driving, so I didn't really think much about it until I hung up the phone. And then I had to wonder. What was in the envelope? A termination letter? That was the first thought to go through my mind. Not that I think I deserve to be terminated, but just because that is my luck with jobs recently. Was there something that was work-related? Did she want to invite me to a tupperware party? Quite possibly, a thank you note?
I need to go back to the termination letter. You see, I have a hard time with getting into work. Once I'm here, I'm great. I think I get along with the guys OK, and Kevin keeps telling me that I'm doing a good job. He likes the way I write. I stay until the job is done. But I've had some close calls, where they are wondering where I am (even if I am running errands FOR work - I hate if they have to call me and ask where I am...) No one seems to care, but I care - not enough to make me WAKE UP or anything but I still care! - and so I am just waiting for the guillotine to fall. But it's too soon. And they have never said anything. And I sound more and more guilty as I type this out... Regardless, I was still coming up with all sorts of rebuttals for why they needed to keep me. And how I was finally finding my niche in the company. And that they couldn't possibly do without me. I'm a different employee than the lady I took over. I have different strengths. A lot of the times I am wondering if they wish she hadn't left, and that they had hired someone else. But every once in a while, I think, "No. I'm an asset to this company. I have something to give. I have a lot to give." But that's just every once and a while. Still, I like this job. I like it a lot. And I love the guys I work with. And I would really be in trouble if I lost my job. So I was going to fight it. I was going to convince Kevin that he couldn't fire me.
I looked at the letter the minute I walked in the door. It isn't a termination letter. Of course it isn't. Because KMA isn't ready to get rid of me and I'm not ready to leave. I'm going to get all the Word Perfect files converted to Word docs, and I'm going to rid all the specs of their superfluous periods. And I'm going to set a standard for how we do covers and documents and I like designing the spec book covers. And I'm getting rid of the Rolodex. You see, there is so much for me to do around here. They just can't get rid of me. So, like I said, it isn't a termination letter. In fact, it is a very generous "thank you" note that I still can't believe is sitting on my desk.
I don't know what I did to deserve this job - but let me tell you, it has been a blessing from the moment I walked in the door, so I must have done something good. I'm thankful everyday for my job, for my boss, for my co-workers. I dread waking up in the morning, but I never dread going to work. With the economy the way that it is, I know I am lucky to have a job. But more importantly, I'm blessed to have a job that I like and that likes me back.
And for some reason, this is the song that came to mind... (video above) I think it is one of my favorites from the Sound of Music and only partially appropriate for this. But I still love it.