When stats kills me, I hope that you all will be able to attend my funeral. I am planning for it to be a simple affair. Please play loud music and have a dance in my honor. I want balloons instead of flowers - particularly in bright colors: reds, oranges and yellows. And if you don't want to do that, then I would just recommend setting up a little fund for my parents so they can go on a cruise or something nice. I used to think I had life insurance that they could use, but that is no longer the case.
If you must buy a casket, make sure it is the cheapest one from WalMart.com. Otherwise, a sheet or flimsy plywood box will do nicely. And it doesn't really matter where you put it - I mean bury it - Troy, OH or Shelby County, KY will work. I don't really want to be left in Provo if I don't have to be. If anyone is willing to bury me in an ancient graveyard in Scotland or somewhere in Britain, I'd be happy there too.
My loss will be devastating to most of you - but really, I do not want to be a sad affair. Tears should only be shed because you are laughing. After all, dying because of stats is somewhat humorous. And watching people cry makes me sad.
This may seem a little dramatic to you: but even if/when I do pass stats, I will literally die of shock. Oh, the irony! Seems to me stats is destined to beat me, no matter what.