Friday, February 26, 2010

Funeral Plans

When stats kills me, I hope that you all will be able to attend my funeral. I am planning for it to be a simple affair. Please play loud music and have a dance in my honor. I want balloons instead of flowers - particularly in bright colors: reds, oranges and yellows. And if you don't want to do that, then I would just recommend setting up a little fund for my parents so they can go on a cruise or something nice. I used to think I had life insurance that they could use, but that is no longer the case.

If you must buy a casket, make sure it is the cheapest one from WalMart.com. Otherwise, a sheet or flimsy plywood box will do nicely. And it doesn't really matter where you put it - I mean bury it - Troy, OH or Shelby County, KY will work. I don't really want to be left in Provo if I don't have to be. If anyone is willing to bury me in an ancient graveyard in Scotland or somewhere in Britain, I'd be happy there too.

My loss will be devastating to most of you - but really, I do not want to be a sad affair. Tears should only be shed because you are laughing. After all, dying because of stats is somewhat humorous. And watching people cry makes me sad.

This may seem a little dramatic to you: but even if/when I do pass stats, I will literally die of shock. Oh, the irony! Seems to me stats is destined to beat me, no matter what.

4 comments:

  1. ha ha yes, i used to love planning my funeral. Let's see, funeral soundtrack includes: Only the good die young (if i die before 30), another one bites the dust, and spirit in the sky.

    Cary has called dibs on my ipod, and really i have nothing else of value. My parents can have all my money, on the condition they use some of it to buy comfortable couches.

    Oh and there must be the most fatty delicious foods, and anyone who refuses to indulge because of dietary restrictions and will not make allowances for the celebrating of my death are not invited.

    That is all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The only thing about being buried somewhere cool is, dead bodies are expensive to transport, I would guess. And why would you want to pay MORE than what it already costs to go someplace cool when you won't even be able to see any of it?

    Mmm, travel! My passport expires in June. It costs whatever it costs to get a new one and i was talking to Jeff about it this afternoon-- It expires in June, so OF COURSE we'll need to get a new one, right? And OF COURSE he'll need one too, right? So we had better find a way to cram them into our budget SOMEWHERE. Even without international travel plans. We should visit my aunts and uncles in Canada! They would let us stay with them, so it would even be a less-expensive trip, mmkay Jeffy?

    ReplyDelete
  3. What should the standard deviation of the balloon distribution be?

    You'll do great. Dominate the stats dojo!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I must tell you how I passed STATS.
    1. I took it at a JR college
    2. My teacher was blind, for real though
    3. Everyone cheated on the final
    4. When he asked me why my grade sucked so bad compared to everyone else I told him that I was probably retarded.
    5. Sympathy got me a C.

    ReplyDelete

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