My title does not correctly portray the subject matter of this post. This is not about the job that I wish or long for. It is not the job that I think I would do smashing work, and really exceed.
It is about the employment that I have had in several dreams over the course of a few months. In the dream, I work at a private school for underprivileged and rebellious children. Largely, I am in charge of paper work. I file (which I hate) and assist some of the administrators. The office that I work in looks like a library or something and is the actual "administration building", which is located at the top of a very long, steep hill amongst a large gravel parking lot. There is a road, that leads to the rest of the world up by the admin building.
The children - and the school, for that matter - are located by passing through a giant chain-link fence gate, which is to be patrolled. Access is restricted to almost everybody, and it is to keep the children safe from would-be molesters. Once passed the gate, you walk or drive down the long, steep hill and you reach an odd shaped building, painted with things associated with childhood. It is made out of brick and block that in my dream I know the name of from my days of working in an architectural setting - but in real life, I have no idea if my subconscious is really that smart - actually, the building looks like an old Soviet building that has been disguised, rather poorly.
My bosses don't communicate. There are two main ones, and they generally seem dissatisfied with my work. Although I am still online talking to Meghan and Kati (as I do in real life), I get all of my work done efficiently and to the best of my ability. It still is not enough. It doesn't matter how many letters I type, reports I create or papers I file, I feel as though I am on the verge of being fired.
For several dreams, now, I have gone to my boss - one or the other - and asked what they would like me to do. Why are they so unhappy with what I am contributing?
Each time, they admit that they are unhappy, and that they want me to be more involved with the children. They want me to be the teacher's aide I was hired to be. They talk about how the one time I taught, I did a very good job. That my attitude towards the children is exactly what they want to see. But I do not make an effort to be involved with the children, and I squirrel away in my office all day.
I tell them that I do not have teaching experience, but that I am happily ready to accept any lesson material and that they should just name the day that I would be teaching, and I will be ready. This is unacceptable. They want me to just know things. I try to explain, without sounding like I'm complaining, that the admin building is so far away, that there is no way for me to participate at the school and continue with my admin duties if I am to be away from one or the other. Then the bosses blow a breath of resentment, and I trudge back up to my office, knowing that they are going to fire me soon.
It is so frustrating, because in the dream, all I want to do is be down with the kids. Apparently, I have had one successful trial run and have been rather successful. But I keep pleading for advanced warning, or for them to move my office and it all seems unacceptable. I'm supposed to figure out a solution, to which I have none.
This nap's dream from today, I had just gone through the gate with several other people, and they left the gate open. I went back to close it just as another car pulled up with a bald man that had BIG buggy eyes and was wearing a security uniform. I asked him if the gate was meant to be closed and he said, "If the bill has been paid," and then laughed and sped off.
I thought it was very strange, and then I realized that I recognized the face as being one hostile, sex-offender. I started running after him and the boys who were locked behind chain-link fences, the ones who were there for being in trouble, started pointing the direction the man drove and heckling him.
But then I woke up. I wonder if I shall have this dream again, and if I will ever get to the point where my bosses are pleased with me.