Sunday, February 20, 2011

Cheese Breath

One must always be wary of what he is doing with blinds wide open and facing another apartment building. Why? Because one never does know if there are three girls sitting on the couch watching.

For instance, if you have a bit of a cheese addiction, you might consider closing your blinds so that no one sees how you polish off the rest of the shredded cheese, down to every shred left in the bag - to the point where you turn the bag inside out, wear it like a glove and lick the bag clean.

If you are going to pick bitty morsels off your pizza while - the girls might assume - preheating the oven, with the pizza close to your face and your pincers armed and ready, you might consider doing that in a private place.

Sure, you might think that being alone in your kitchen is in fact, a private place.... however, if you leave the blinds open, you might be victim to some very classic neighborhood peeping.

So listen, Cheese Breath, if before you put your pizza in the oven, you are going to stick your face right in that pizza and lick up all the extra shredded cheese you just added to it, you might remember to shut the blinds.

Because if you leave yourself vulnerably exposed to the neighborhood, there are going to be three girls watching you from their window - laughing hysterically and being grossed out by your dairy obsession.

And a little bit irritated when they wait the necessary 15 minutes for you to remove your pizza, only to have you take it directly out of your oven, and out of viewing range.


  1. Oh man, hilarious! I need to start spying on my neighbor's kitchen window!

  2. Ummm you should have been neighborly and taken him a bag of shredded cheese, because clearly the man was just starving for some cheese!

    Ha ha I always yell at Cary when he doesn't shut the blinds, but he "likes to give the neighbors a show"


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