I got out of the shower this morning and noticed the following text message:
"SHELLI ARMSTRONG! I'm going to kill you! V-day lap dance?! Really?"
Immediately my mind is consumed with merriment. A lap dance! For my roommate, Melissa! This has got to be the greatest prank of all time. And she's at work, which makes it all the more delicious. I'm flattered that she thinks that I would be the one to orchestrate something like that.
It reminded me a lot like the time Colin texted me angrily about the phone calls he'd been receiving asking about his baby chicks. Someone had posted in the classifieds that he had baby chicks for sale, just in time for Easter. And he thought it was me!
I laughed and laughed (for both instances). I'm not a prankster, but I love that I'm being accused as one. People think that I am cleverer than I really am. More cunning, more sly, more creative... All traits that I admire in someone (er...) but I do not possess a single one. I could never come up with something like this on my own, but I endorse it heartily.
So I'm laughing, and texting my dad and others who would enjoy such a good joke. And the fact that I was being blamed for it. All while maintaining my innocence with Melissa. She's threatening to double my utility bill next month, to punch me until I bleed - that's on top of already threatening my death at her hands! But I insist I had nothing to do with it. I have no idea what she's talking about.
And then she sends me another text, "It was totally your writing on the check..."
And suddenly all my mirth fizzles. And then rekindles. Because I had written Melissa a check for utilities yesterday, and in the FOR line, I had put, "Valentine's lap dance."
So, yes. It was me. I was so disappointed that Melissa hadn't received her Valentine's day lap dance - at work.
She only got paid for one.
*Of course, when you think about what a lap dance entails, I lose all appeal for anyone to ever be on the receiving - or giving - end. As my dad asked, "How many women want some strange man shaking himself up in her face/space?" And with that disgusting image, I am certain that I am not one of those women. I would never inflict said shaking on any of my friends (except maybe, Esther) and I hope to never had anything like that done to me.