I am SO not ready to Even think about comin back!

M&Ms (OCD)

I am not sure how long I've done this, though I know it has been for at least some five years because that is when it was pointed out to me.

I was sitting at IHOP rolling silverware with some coworkers. Ben - the infamous Ben - was making fun of me because he thought I was OCD. He didn't have a lot to go on. So, I liked the place mats to be perfectly straight when I laid them on the tables. I had a pretty particular way of garnishing the food dishes, and how to drizzle chocolate on the dessert plates. (I just wanted those to look good! There's a right way to do the whip cream too...) These aren't obsessive or compulsive, they're just taking pride in my work. But he tested other things, I was known for doodling on the back of the place mats while waiting for Ben and April to get off work so we could go to Mimi's for breakfast. I would draw a box or something, Ben would add a line that messed it up, I would fix it. He would shade something in, but not all the way. I would fix it. I still didn't think this was indication of OCD.

But we were sitting there, eating M&Ms that someone had brought in and I very carefully separated my M&Ms in pairs by color. I'd pull out the singles and eat them promptly. Then, if there were more than one pair of each, I would carefully eat the surplus. And then line them up by color in the rainbow, or however I like the color combination best. Sometimes that meant switching things around and then I could eat them.

I still do that. Now I am more aware of it. But even when there isn't a table to line things up on, I line them up on my hand. And then I eat them. Two by two. If I don't do it, it irritates me. I don't find them as appealing, or they taste funny. If there are absolutely no two colors the same, I would rather get a different handful.

Happy Administrative Professional's Day

Today was supposed to be a big celebration for me. When I walked in the guys all shouted, "HAPPY SECRETARY'S DAY!" and I thought that was an indication that it was going to be a good day.

But then I spent the next four hours trying to get specs in order for a job that was supposed to go up to the printers by 3:00 p.m. I made it by 2:00 p.m., but that was with a lot of effort, little fun and a lot of swearing, and semi-swearing. Let's just say that files with the extension .SF are not real files, and so it was a bit more complicated than usual. And even though I thought I had done most the work already, I ended up having to redo a lot of it. Still, now that I am reflecting, four hours seemed longer while I was working through them than they actually were -- though, I was fairly famished.

The guys had promised to take me out to lunch, but the lunch hour rolled by us quickly...I told them to leave me behind, but they wouldn't do it. We went to "lunch" finally around 4:00 p.m. It was delicious.

Also, Peggy brought me in a fun little treat as well which was very nice of her. I know there are a lot of people who think celebrating Secretary's Day is stupid or whatever, but I like it. And even though I did have to remind the guys periodically throughout the month, put it on their calendar and drop subtle hints (Hey - they're guys, after all!) They still remembered and they didn't let me forget that they had remembered.

So far, these six months at KMA have been great! (Well, minus those four hours where I really could have killed somebody.)

Tempus Fugit

Why is it that while sitting at work with little to do I can look at the clock and it is 11:38 a.m. and I feel like I've been there for about four hours already instead of just two and when I look at the clock again, knowing that it has to be three at least, it is really only 12:01 p.m.

But when I decide to get ready for bed at 11:15 p.m. so I can fall asleep early, one minute in front of the mirror or a quick email check or just a minute talking to my roommate and WHAM it is 12:21 a.m.

How does that happen? What sort of natural phenomenon/cruelty is life playing at? I know it's called managing my time better - but then again, if it only feels like a minute, how am I to know it is really 40?

For reals though, I am trying to get to bed early...so this is a short post before I climb into my sorta-comfy bed. (Thanks to a trip to Walmart that started at 1:00 a.m. and what seemed to only last for 40 minutes, but somehow I got home at 3:20 a.m. - Seriously, how does that happen?)

Ah, well... as they say in Latin: Tempus Fugit. (But never when you want it to.)

Statistical Daydreams

While reading my statistics ebook I am multitasking. A part of my brain is going over the words and reading them (not always giving them meaning, but reading just the same) and then imagining different things.

Things like my chair sliding out from under me causing me to fall and hit my head - hard - on the wood floor.

Or running outside and playing in the road, only to be hit by the bus that passes in front of the Provo bakery every 15 minutes.

And sometimes it is just imagining me sticking my fingers in electrical sockets, or shaving my head or lighting my shoes on fire.

My favorite stat-daydreams are the ones where I am reading my last chapter, the final bit of information that I need in order to take the final. The fact that I am nearly finished and to be done with it as soon as possible. I imagine that for some reason my brain kicks into super-understanding and stats just clicks for me, and I have no problems whatsoever finishing the second half of the course. I finish it by the end of the week and I am free.

FREE.

Oh, to be free! Unfortunately, that really is just a dream. Because I really don't understand statistical inference and confidence intervals. I have no idea what a chi-square is. I don't want to learn about t-tests. (Oh, how I DREAD t-tests!)

All of this is making me nauseous. And yes, I am procrastinating by blogging about it. Maybe my chair really will roll out from under me, crack my head open and then make me smarter. Or at least unconscious for a second. A nap sounds nice.

Hey - I like that.

Two things I discovered this week that I really like.

1. Cactus. The FTC went to Rancho Market for lunch this week and Meghan and I ordered this dish that consists of chicken, beef, shrimp, jalapenos, onions and Mexican cheese cooked and soaking in a cheesy sauce with more peppers. It's spicy. It comes out still cooking in the stoneware they serve it in. It's served with beans and rice and you build it into a tortilla - "like a fajita - but better," as Meghan described it. It was fabulous. It cost some $20, but there's enough food to feed four... and yes, I had my leftovers for dinner tonight and it was delicious. I was most surprised about like the cactus. I'd never had cactus before... It is soooo yummy.

2. Justified. "Timothy Olyphant stars as Marshal Raylan Givens, a modern-day lawman with a 19th-century attitude. Based on an Elmore Leonard character, Givens employs a brash brand of justice that makes him a target of criminals, so his marshal superiors relocate him to his hometown. Nick Searcy (CSI) co-stars as Givens' friend and boss. Look for Walton Goggins (The Shield) and Natalie Zea (Dirty Sexy Money) in prominent guest spots. " - TVGuide

It's a new show on FX about a US Marshal stationed in Kentucky. I like it because Raylan is from Kentucky. They flash parts of Lexington. There are all sorts of Kentucky hicks. But the show takes you other places. Raylan is a smart-a. And while he is the law, he banters and jokes with the bad guys. Right before he shoots them. There's no romance. There's a lot of shooting (Raylan aims for the heart, and doesn't think twice about shooting.) So far out of 4 episodes, he's managed to kill someone, or quite a few someones, in every one of them. Maybe it's his accent. Or his wit. Or even his hat. But Raylan Givens is sexy. Oh, that might be why I watch it? I don't rightly know. It's on Tuesday nights, but I just watch it on hulu.com.

Why I am prejudiced against SKINNY guys...

They make me feel like this.

I am Biased (offensive)

Considering the timing of several very cute arrivals to some of the coolest people I know... this blog post could offend some people. Don't let it. I am posting this on my blog but I am not necessarily posting about you. Most of my friends/family are pretty good about not annoying me with their kids. It's just random people, friends of friends, etc.that really annoy me. (But if you see yourself doing these things... maybe, tone it down a bit???)

So... it's official. I hate parents (not mine, of course). I hate the new moms that post on their Facebook every "cute" thing their baby does, how much their head circumference is, whether or not they've gone #2 today or not, and how just perfect, awesome, amazing, incredible, etc. their baby is.

I hate waiting for two or three moms all pushing their baby strollers across the street in the morning. (This is an irrational irritation... so if you do this, don't feel bad. I understand you want company while taking your child for a walk. It still bugs me though.)

I hate blogs that are ONLY about the baby and say everything the Facebook statuses say only much WORDIER. Trust me, every kid learns how to say, "da" and "ba." It is also part of human development to learn how to crawl, pull yourself up, eat with a fork and stack blocks. We all did it as children. Our grandparents did it. Cain and Abel did it. Your baby is not really that special because at 5 months he learned to crawl. Turns out most babies learn to crawl at 5 months. If it were 2 months, when he's barely begun to hold his head up but still managing to crawl... well then, that is pretty spectacular. One could say that I should stop reading the blogs (or block the Facebookers) but I continue to read on the off-chance that you will post about something else in your life. Because I'm still interested in what is going on in your life, even if you've turned completely lame since having a baby.

I hate moms that refuse to get a babysitter because they don't TRUST anyone to watch their baby (or are too cheap to get a babysitter) or are offended because you don't want their little tyke coming to the opera with you (I don't go to the opera, but you understand my meaning, I think...)

I hate the moms that are so consumed with worrying about germs reaching their baby. Hello. It's called an immune system. Your baby will die if it doesn't learn how to fight a little bit of germs.

Has anyone noticed that parents have the grossest conversations, ever? And they put it on the web, even though it should be private information. Your nips are chapped? No one needs to know that. Your baby is constipated? Wow, who cares? Normal people don't walk around complaining that their uterus feels like it is about to erupt or that they are so gassy or have the runs so bad they've had to change their pants twice today. Ok - I do know some people like that. But really, they don't post it online, which is one of the most public places ever these days. There are some things that really should just be kept to themselves.

Of course, none of this applies to my sister, Amy. Because I can't get enough of Kelsie stories. I would sit on the phone and listen to her talk and scream and cry the whole day. I can't get enough pictures of her. I look through them 100x a week. Kelsie actually is the cutest, smartest, most advanced baby I've ever seen. I don't want to know if she throws up or poops - but if that's the only story you got for me, go ahead and give it to me! (Maybe not....I'm just trying to prove a point.)

Also, Amy is probably one of the more normal moms I've ever met. (Except the whole fear of flying to Florida...............) She tries to stop Kelsie from eating the dog food, but you know, isn't ridiculous about it. She doesn't mind if someone, like a little kid, wants to talk to Kelsie. She'll let her run around and play. She'll get a babysitter (granted, usually my mom or Mackenzie) when she needs to. She's not afraid of germ, of Kelsie dying spontaneously. She's fairly laid-back. Much like my mom was when Brad and Mackenzie were babies.

When all is said and done, babies are funny creatures. They are so dependent. They are terribly easy to make fun of. If you aren't making fun of your kid, then you aren't doing something right. Lighten up and laugh a bit. And do try to remember to retain your personality. You've had a kid. You aren't brain damaged.

All of this just goes to prove that I am extremely biased and obviously not a mom. I love that Kelsie baby more than anyone else's kid. So, sorry. 

I guess that means that I am giving you free leave to not be offended and to take what I write with a grain of salt. Because even if you are a crazy mom, and I claim to hate crazy moms, I more than likely don't hate you. You're probably one of my most favorite people in the world.

His Hands

A girl in my ward sang His Hands (by Kenneth Cope) in Sacrament Meeting for a special musical number today. She was singing it as a solo and I was nervous for her because of her song choice. See, this song makes me cry every time I hear it (even now that I have a stone heart -- which, consequently, I feel like it has been chipping away as of late, but that's another post). I can't listen to it without crying. And I certainly can't sing it without crying - trust me, I just tried to and it didn't go over well - and so for her to take on this song, I was very impressed. Not only did she sound really well, but she didn't cry. I was impressed.

Here are the lyrics. See if you can read them without getting a little emotional.

his hands
tools of creation
stronger than nations
power without end
and yet through them we find our truest friend
his hands
sermons of kindness
healing men's blindness
halting years of pain
children waiting to be held again

his hands would serve his whole life though
showing man what hands might do
giving, ever giving, endlessly
each day was filled with selflessness
and I’ll not rest until I make up my hands what they could be
'til these hands become like those from Galilee

his hands
lifting a leper
warming a beggar
calling back the dead
breaking bread, five thousand fed
his hands
hushing contention
pointing to heaven
ever free of sin
then bidding man to follow him

his hands would serve his whole life though
showing man what hands might do
giving, ever giving, endlessly
each day was filled with selflessness
and I’ll not rest until I make up my hands what they could be
'til these hands become like those from Galilee

his hands
clasped in agony
as he lay pleading, bleeding in the garden
while just moments away
other hands betray him
out of greed, shameful greed
and then his hands
are trembling
straining to carry the beam that they've been led to
as he stumbles through the streets
heading towards the hill on which he died
he would die
they take his hands, his mighty hands, those gentle hands
and then they pierce them, they pierce them
he lets them, because of love
from birth to death was selflessness
and clearly now I see him with his hands
calling to me
and though I’m not yet as I would be
he has shown me how I could be
I will make my hands like those from GalileeAlso, the Mormon Message on lds.org is super good. The apostles and Prophets of this Church are so eloquent. And though I can't say what they are saying without sounding like a blubbering idiot, I want you to know that I echo what they say. How lucky we are to have the knowledge we have of our Savior.




Also, can I just say how much I love our Church? I love that they are using technology like youtube.com. I love that they are constantly coming out with helps for us. I love that we can access our favorite talks from conference NOW instead of waiting for the Ensign to come out next month. I love how much LOVE the President and Prophet and the prophets and apostles down to the bishop of our ward have for each of the members.

Hopefully you will watch the videos attached to this when you get a chance.

The Internal Bra

So, I'm making up for not blogging practically the whole month of March. We were busy at work, I've been stressing out and over all I just haven't gotten enough sleep. Every time I've sat down at my computer, I fall asleep and don't get anything done. Plus, my poor brain is completely fried, and so every time I come up with an idea to blog about, I forget when I do have time to blog and it is this whole big mess of a cycle.

However, a few weeks ago I was not sleeping in front of my computer - rather I was barely surviving a most intolerable and  horrific week - and I stumbled across this website...

Internal Bra

Many women would love to have shapely breasts without needing the help of a bra. Now plastic surgeons have made that possible by developing an internal bra to permanently lift and shape.
The first woman to have internal bra fitted had her operation three weeks ago and surgeons have hailed it as a success.
The bra is fitted in a 40 minute keyhole operation that allows a woman to go into hospital in the morning and be out by lunch time... [Follow the link for the rest of the article]

Personally, I think this is incredible. Why?

The internal bra is a harness-like device is inserted under the skin using a local anaesthetic. The procedure should also be cheaper than a traditional breast lift, which costs around £4,000 and often requires an overnight stay in hospital.
It is similar in shape to a fabric bra, but is made of silicone, the plastic already used in breast implants.
Surgeons make two tiny cuts less than a centimeter wide underneath each breast.
Silicone cups like the ones used in a traditional uplift bra are then are then inserted around 1cm below the skin.
Then surgeons fit fine straps made from a strong material that will hold the bra in place without it sagging These are attached to the ribs between the breast and the shoulder with a pair of titanium screws.
Then they are stitched to the cups and everything is tightened to lift the breasts into the desired position.

Now, I've spoken to a few of my friends, and they hate the idea of unnecessary surgery and blah blah blah. There's also the fact that this is a relatively new procedure, so long-term effects have yet to be studied and it's probably very expensive. More so because the FDA hasn't approved it yet, so it is only available in Europe (which I wouldn't mind going to, anyway). And, I'm not sure how well it would work if you got pregnant after the procedure. However, these things do not bother me. I just wish someone had signed me up as a trial patient!

I'm just imagining the freedom! And then of course, the fact that my friends with exile me to Santa Fe where I can live out my other goal of becoming a full-fledged tree-hugger with billowy skirts, going bra-less and letting my grays grow out to where there is color on the bottom of my long hair and gray at the tops....(*shudder*) Anyway, if you hear that I have moved to Santa Fe, you'll know why.

There is also another internal bra, but it uses mesh-like material that works as a support similar to what they use for hernia patients. Information on that can be found here. Personally, I like the silicone option better.

Face Lift

I love giving my blog a little face lift now and again. There are so many creative websites where you can borrow ideas and graphics and there are some truly talented, designers out there.

I wish that I were one of them.

Did you know that I was accepted into BYU as a graphic design (pre-art) major? That was going to be my profession. My cockiness got int the way, and now that I'm into my 6th year in Provo, I wonder what I was thinking when I decided to change to social sciences.

Don't get me wrong. I loved 99% of my geography classes. I loved the teachers. I love the topics. I love geography in general. But I don't see myself really doing anything with the knowledge that I have gained over the past few years (except impress random Brazilians with my knowledge of their forward capital or identifying different housing styles in the European landscape...) career-wise.

If only I had stuck with design. I really love it. I love doing layout things and using creativity. One of my favorite parts of my job is designing the cover of the spec books that we do. The cover I designed is clean and professional. I think some people (Dad) might be surprised by my lack of various fonts and my limited coloring. But it works for what it is.

What I really enjoy doing is making new headers for my blog, designing Christmas cards and wedding invites. I don't have much experience with either - although I did help Camille with hers some....6-7 years ago? Anyway... maybe one day I will go back to school and get some legit training and experience so I can do some more work. If the whole author thing doesn't work out..........

Dating Friends

There is a practice that is accepted by some and widely shunned by others. I am an enthusiastic supporter of. it, though. I don't understand why there are so many people around here that think that when they go on a date, it has to be with a potential spouse. If they don't think they are going to end up marrying the person, then they don't want to go out with them. But that is just lame.

Friends make the best dates. You already know that you like the person. You know that you will be able to talk about anything with that person. You are basically guaranteed a fun night. I have one such friend that I go out with on occasion, and every time I come home I think, "Man, I just love him." Not in a, "man, I wish he would drop to one knee and take me to the temple," love, but in a... I just have a freaking good time with him every time we are together. Conversations range from anything to silly to serious. We take turns paying for each other. We laugh it up and make awesome jokes and dwell on inside secrets that we have with each other.

So why are there so many who reject this practice? I really can't figure it out. I was talking to another one of my friends who had said that when their parents attended BYU, everybody took a date to everything. They would find a date to go to a fireside, for a walk, on a picnic, out to dinner, up to the canyon for a bonfire... any social activity required a date. But just because they were taking dates to everything, it didn't mean that they were anticipating marrying each guy/girl they took with them. They were just going to have a good time and get to know a friend a little bit better.

I think we should re-engage this practice. Friend dates don't have the same pressures as other dating does. And it's usually cheaper. I've always liked the idea of pairing off guy-girl to every event, and I think that all social activities should be equally balanced. But I went to a dance party a few weeks ago, and it was a complete... fine I'll say it.... sausage fest. None of the guys had brought dates (not that I was complaining, it's just an observation. Though I did think it was really weird that there was a roomful of guys dancing with other guys. I know now you are wondering if I was at a gay bar or something. But I don't think that was the case. It definitely wasn't a bar. It was a house in Provo....) Had they brought their friends, that were girls, it would have been a more balanced evening.

I don't think this thought is sounding as coherent as I want it to sound. I've just been thinking about how lame it is when I hear that guys are sitting at home playing Xbox or doing homework all weekend long. Take a few hours and GO ON A DATE. Even if it is with your best girl pal who you wouldn't think to kiss in a million years. I should say that while I do support girls asking guys out - I'm typically not party to it - though, it is a lot easier when they are your friend and not some guy that you get all retarded around. I still like the guy to take control, regardless of their regards for me (whether friend or love-interest).

General Conference Day #1

Is it any wonder members of the Church enjoy conference? You are counseled to come to conference with questions that you would like answered and are promised an answer. How can 14,000,000 people listen to conference, all with a different question, and still receive an answer in just 8-10 hours of conference? I don't know, but I know that I always hear some things that I need to hear.

It is as if the General Authorities sit down and read each of our journals and then select their talks based on what has been written in the past six months. In reality, it's that our Father in Heaven hears our prayers - spoken aloud and pleading from our hearts - and then directs his oracles in what they should say. We are so blessed to have knowledge of living prophets on the earth today. We are even more blessed that we have the technology so that we can hear the conference sessions wherever we are. I've listened to conference online, on TV, in a Church, in the car and in the audience of the general sessions.

I love conference. I'm excited for tomorrow, because I'm certain conference will be focusing on the Easter theme - the resurrection of our Lord and Savior.

"There's something wrong with your toilet..."

Also, see previous post... but this is what it totally made me think of.

Something Serious Better Have Happened

When I came home tonight at 9:30ish, I went straight to my room (after turning off all the lights that had been left on in the house) with the intention to work on Stats. I only got one quiz done, and it took me until about 12:00 a.m. And then I edited a friend's paper until about 1:00 a.m.

So when I headed to the bathroom in order to do my nightly bathroom routine, I was a little confused when I found the following:

I wondered if something really bad happened. Why is there no seat on the toilet? And why is the shower taped off and the curtain clamped shut? But surely my roommate would have let me know through text message or knock on my door or something.

 In case you can't tell what that is, that's the shower head taped off with electrical tape.

So then, I thought... this must be some passive-aggressive way of sending some sort of message. It was sort of confused when I found this:

That reads loud and clear....something? I can only think of a few things that would cause this drastic of a reaction to whatever I've done. So what could they be telling me?

1. Clean the bathroom. Well, I've been the only one to clean it since I moved in. I bought cleaning supplies for us to make it easier.
2. Empty the trash. Yup, check. Did that this week, too. There's barely anything in it now.
3. Replace the toilet paper. Ok. Done. I went out past midnight on Saturday to make sure we did not run out. I even bought the spare roll holder that goes on the tank. You can see the two new rolls I added before I took the picture. (When I got home at around 3 a.m. on Sunday, I deposited the toilet paper in the front room and forgot to take it out... so it got shoved away in some closet and not by me. So maybe she didn't know that was for us?)
4. Take shorter showers. Hmmmm.... maybe. But, I'm always the last one in, and I leave plenty of hot water when I get out. Also, I have mentioned to K that if she needs in the shower, she only needs to let me know so I can make it faster. (This is maybe the only one I can see being a potential problem, and I admit it.)

I even bought a new bathroom rug! And I wash the shared full-length mirror that I never use. I. Don't. Get. It.

And this is why I hate living with girls. As I say, I hope I am interpreting this all wrong, or something is going to go down in the morning. And considering that I'm going to bed with a full bladder at 2 a.m., I do not think it will be pleasant.

Maybe it's just an April Fool's joke? If so.... it's not funny.